. Processing.

I don't have time for this.

I don't have time to sit here at my computer, but I need to process. I need to get these thoughts down in typed words so that I remember them later. So that I remember each step of this journey and can share it with our precious son in later years. I don't trust my mind to remember it all, so here I am.

Tonight is what we have been waiting for - our first home study meeting. We will travel to Albany for a 7:00 PM meeting with our social worker, Kristen. We will be going right to her home. The original plan was for my mom to come to the house and watch our children. We will not be back until very late tonight, as it is a couple hours drive and a two hour meeting. However, my sweet new nephew, Isaiah Nathan, made his appearance this weekend (I have tons of photos, but I left my card reader at my sister's house!), so my mom is soaking him up in PA, and my best friend willingly decided to take care of my children, in Mom's place, at her home. This is a huge blessing. She is one of the very few people I feel comfortable with caring for them.

I don't know what to expect this evening (or how to dress). This is the part of the adoption process that I have been most intimidated by. I am a writer. I am not a talker. I do not speak how I write. I am not articulate, and I do not like being put on the spot. I am praying that I can just speak from my heart and have it make sense. I just wish I knew what was to come, so that I could walk in feeling even a little bit prepared. Will you please pray for me?

On top of this, our church is hosting VBS this week. My Cadi is there right this moment, hence the reason I am typing out a post that is live and not drafted. {grin} My house is quiet as Scotty is napping. I had a really hard time sending her, as I have never done anything like this before. I really value the moments God gives me with my children, and it is so hard for me to relinquish them. They are so fleeting. I will be going with Cadi to VBS on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday to take pictures. Since my mom is not around, I suppose Scotty will be with me as well. That should be interesting! {wink}

On Wednesday, we also have small group training in our home, as well as on Sunday. However, before the small group on Sunday we have home study meeting #2 with Kristen. This one will be the home inspection which will take place here. Eeek! I really have no clue how to even begin to prepare for that. I get panicky just thinking about it. Kristen will also be watching us interact with Cadi and Scotty. Please pray, as the meeting takes place right after church on Sunday. This is always a tough time for us, being as both of the children will be tired and hungry.

From here we will most likely have two more meetings - Jim and I both have to be interviewed separately I believe. Then we notarize and certify paper work and pray that we have the money needed to send everything to Ethiopia!! We are getting so close. If things continue to move forward like this, we could have our baby much sooner than we originally thought. (And this could mean that he is actually growing inside his birth mother's womb right now!)

I just found out that two more of our friends will be pursuing the ministry of adoption. I just love watching God work in and through us and work on the hearts of people around us. I cannot believe that only a few short months ago, I knew nothing of this journey. I knew none of these blessings. Today I am filled with expectant hope and joy that God has chosen me for this journey.

I continue to worship in this wait....

Mommy already loves you sweet boy. Thank you, God, for already entwining our hearts.



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.A {Giant} Step Forward.

Today was a very exciting and much anticipated day in our home. We were finally - almost a month later than we had anticipated - able to mail in our $3,521.00 check and oodles and oodles of signed and collected paper work in order to get the ball rolling for our home study!!


Yes, we are both as sleepy as he looks. {wink}

So what's next? Well another financial mountain, but we continue to trust God to supply and meet those demands, and we praise Him for so many of YOU that made today's check possible! Our next financial hurdle is about $8,000.00 Deep breath. {grin} I received several encouraging emails today. One said this But, I want you to know that God cares about your child way more than you could ever, His very heart is for the orphan! I stand confident in telling you that every dime will be provided. You will never be a penny short or a day late. Jesus is all you need. Wow. I just cried as I read this beautiful email written from the heart of a woman that has walked our journey. Not only has she walked our journey, but this family has not seen the command of James 1:27 as a one time thing that we do and forget about. Her and her husband have started an amazing ministry in Africa. You can click on the button that says "Into the Streets of Africa" on my left side bar to learn more.

We will now wait to be contacted to set up the meetings for our home study interviews - this is a MAJOR part of the home study. Most likely we will have four meetings. Our goal was to have this completed by fall as well as our dossier on its way to Ethiopia. I still believe it is doable!

There is so much that I want to say that God is placing on my heart, but I am going to hold back right now. God is doing a mighty work in the hearts of Jim and myself. As much as we have been "rebuked" (many times by people who have very sincere motives but have just yet to have their eyes be opened to the Truth) by others we have been even more encouraged by many, many families that are in this same process or have gone before us. All of them have agreed and supported our words and actions and applauded our candor. It is a blessing to be known and understood.

I just want to leave with this thought. In writing about my convictions of our biblical mandate in James 1:27 this week, please do NOT misunderstand me in thinking that I am saying every Christian is called to adopt. (I do ask you to search your heart and God's plan if you are feeling a little uneasy, though.) I thought I had made that very clear, that this is not the case. My point has only been that MANY have been called and are ignoring the call, and ALL have been called to do SOMETHING when it comes to orphans, widows, and living our lives unstained by the world. I absolutely will not back down on that or water that down. It is biblical truth. Yes, all of us will have different journeys in life, but this verse is very clearly written for every Christian, and I truly believe that God is asking us to share that truth with others as well as a very candid picture of our adoption story.

Stepping off my soap box.

Just had to get that off my chest.

Love to you all, and thank you for your generosity and encouragement. What an awesome community of godly, believers I have found here. Jim and I are sooo appreciative. You have no idea....
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.Growing a Baby.

I am beginning to understand the similarities between growing a baby in my uterus and growing a baby in my heart. Here are some of my findings.

While paper pregnant I eat, sleep, breathe baby just like I did when pregnant with my other two.

I am having strange dreams just like I had in my other pregnancies.

I am emotional. Yup, just like before.

I am having trouble sleeping. Seeing a pattern?

I ooh and aah over every baby I encounter.

I daydream about my baby's face and what he is like.

I am having weird cravings, and I even gained a bit of weight. Ug.

The wait seems eternal.

I am nervous and excited as I anticipate what it will be like to have my baby in my arms.

I have felt nauseated.

I have had mood swings.

I feel as if I am not quite here.

I worry about my baby's safety.

I try to imagine what the future holds for our family - for this new baby.

I love my baby before ever seeing or knowing his face.

It's all very much the same - oddly enough. Scary. Exciting. New.

We are so very close to submitting the paper work to initiate our home study and our {gulp} big check. We are praying to be able to do so on Friday, after Jim's pay check clears. It will make things tight for us for the remainder of the month, but I think we can do it. I will make the big announcement then if we do. At that point we wait to have our home study appointments scheduled - there should be three I believe. Then once that is done and our home study passes we tie up some loose ends with our dossier and mail everything off to Ethiopia. (With a LOT of money.) Then we sit and wait....

God is so good and so faithful. We have seen some amazing financial provisions this week. I cannot look too far ahead at the big picture of what is left to pay, but I continue to pray and believe that God will provide as we continue to be faithful with what He gives us.

Thanks for your prayers, your emails, your support, your love.

Wow.

Now that I have seen
I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
Now that I have held you
In my own arms
I cannot let go till you are…

I will tell the world
I will tell them where I’ve been
I will keep my word
I will tell them

"It Began with Bale" from Drawn From Water on Vimeo.

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