.Transparency in Marriage.

Today we are going to talk about transparency in marriage. This question was sent to us by a reader.

Any thoughts on transparency in marriage? I am finding with the age of computers, email, texting and twitter so much of what we do is now "hidden" from each other if we are not careful.

My opinion is that in a marriage everything should be out in the light - nothing should be hidden. (John 3:20) If we truly love and respect our spouses this should just be a natural outflow of that love and respect. As a believer, authenticity and transparency should be our lifestyle. (I have been discovering the truth of this, and the necessity of this, more and more this past year and a half.) This mutual transparency should be a high priority in our marriages. I believe that authenticity and transparency brings about a vulnerability in marriage that can strengthen the relationship in a very unique and lasting way.

A marriage is made up of two {imperfect} people. Like it or not we can never be perfect and we did not marry a perfect spouse. Because of this truth we are going to fail and make mistakes again and again. I desire to be a help meet to my husband and in doing so to bring out the best person that he can be. However, if he is not transparent and sharing his weaknesses, his faults, his failures with me then I cannot really come alongside him the way God intended me to be able to do. The same is true of myself, if I am not sharing my weaknesses with my husband, he cannot lead me and guide me the way God intended him to. It is a tragedy when couples deny one another the blessing of being able to encourage each other in weaknesses. One benefit of marriage is the encouragement that can come in building one another up. When one spouse is stumbling, the other can reach out and help to hold him or her up. (Proverbs 18:24, James 5:16, Hebrews 10:24, Romans 12:10)

I am sure that technology and social media are having an affect on many marriages. We do live in a technology, social media driven culture, and as many benefits and blessings as there are to it; it can also come with a price and be a curse. It is easier than ever for husbands and wives to carry on secret, hidden relationships and private lives via this technology. We need to guard against this, and we can by being open and honest about everything. There must be complete transparency in our marriages in every area - including social networking and email. My husband knows my passwords (a lot can hide in the dark behind passwords - guard against this) to everything, and he reads my facebook and blog. He has open access to my email and any of my social media outlets - nothing is hidden. The same is true for his accounts. This is not because we do not trust each other, but instead because we respect each other and want our lives to be open and bare. I try not to befriend a male on facebook without first running it by Jim, and I just do not send private messages or emails to males. What starts up as something innocent has the potential to snowball into something catastrophic. I would rather just not even touch that.

Proverbs 18:21 says Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose. I take this verse very, very seriously. I love words. I love writing, but I must be careful that my words are fruit not poison. I try very hard to never publicly, or even friend-to-friend speak ill of my husband (or children for that matter). I believe one day I will be held accountable for my words - this goes for my written and typed words as well. I try not to ever write anything on facebook or my blog that I would not say to Jim's face. Our arguments are private and not for other people to participate in. Something like this could make a great foot-hold for Satan, so I choose to {mostly} make my words sweet and upbeat.
My biggest piece of advice for transparency in marriage is to be honest about everything, keep nothing hidden (no bank accounts, receipts, spending habits, friendships, passwords, etc. - NOTHING) and to communicate openly and often. Not talking with one another is a big step in the wrong direction. If social media and technology is driving a wedge between you and your spouse and bringing up areas of insecurity and mistrust into your relationship than just get rid of it. They are not worth sacrificing what could be your beautiful, vibrant marriage!

(source)

If you have a marriage question or topic that you would like us to discuss in future Wedded Wednesday posts, please feel free to email amomentcherished(at)gmail(dot)com or write in the comments below.

To read my husband's thoughts on this topic of transparency read here.

[This is a repost from last May, but I think this is such an important topic in marriage. Please feel free to share your thoughts.]

.Oneness {A Guest Post}.

Today's post was written by Heather Patenaude, author of Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart.

Heather and I became bloggy friends years ago when I was blogging at a different platform, and I was the young mommy of just one, sweet daughter, and I believe Heather was Mommy to one, sweet, son. My how things have changed! Heather now mommies three little boys and homeschools the oldest two. I have a lot of respect for Heather, we have similar passions and values and long to see God glorified in our lives. You can follow Heather's life here.

Thank you Heather for writing this meaningful and practical post!

Oneness.

One way to safeguard your marriage is to ask: Does this create oneness with my mate?

"The two shall become one flesh" Matthew 19:5

Shall become...I read that I think: Is there is a process of becoming one flesh?

In my own marriage, I believe there has been a process, one we're still in. We've been intentional to ask:

 Does this create oneness?

That intentionality has helped us filter out and include in activities in our life. (Oneness is not sameness....men and women are created different!)

Some of those areas we ask this question would include: work, ministry, hobbies, TV watching habits, vacation, extra-curricular activities, how we spend money, church involvement, raising our boys, and even what time we go to bed.

Using this question as a filter helps us figure out what is best for us and what are things we can set aside. We also have come to realize there are seasons where one thing may cause oneness and in a different season doing the complete opposite will cause oneness.

Praying for you and your mate to experience oneness today in a new and fresh way!

Please share your thoughts on oneness. What has and has not brought oneness to your marriage?

.Trying to Get Her Attention.

Last week my husband, Jim, answered the question how do I get my husband's undivided attention for a serious conversation? Jim did a fantastic job hitting on several key ways for a wife to successfully carry on a serious conversation with her husband. You can read his post here. Today I am going to answer a similar question.

How do I get my wife's undivided attention for a serious conversation?

(source)

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

 

Jim touched on the fact that men and women communicate and think very differently. Most men (I have to generalize here, please accept my apology) typically communicate in a very straight forward, black and white kind of way. Think about the way that two men would carry on a conversation with each other. Typically one man speaks and the other man listens. When he is finished, the other man speaks and adds his thoughts. End of story. Conversation over. Conclusion established. Now picture two women carrying on a conversation. Women typically communicate in a much "messier" way. A woman ties in several thoughts, concepts, and ideas into one big conversation - bouncing back and forth and weaving in and out of subjects but tieing it all together into an elaborate concept. When two women carry on a conversation, there is usually rapid fire thoughts being shared continually back and forth, with little time for breath. One woman jumps in where the other left off. Their words mingle together and flow between each other forming one conversation. It is organized chaos.

It's no wonder that at times communicating with our spouse can seem like a foreign language! God created each of us so differently, BUT communication can happen and should happen - even serious communication. Both partners just have to be willing to learn the language that their husband/wife uses. Here are some different ways that husbands can communicate with their wives.

• Show her that you are giving her your undivided attention. When a man is engaged in a conversation with his wife, show her that your are listening with your whole body. Your ears cannot be the only sense engaged in the conversation. Most men who have been married, even just a little while, know that when a woman speaks she is not just communicating black and white words. There is a lot being said behind the words. Watch for emotion - what is her body language telling you? Listen for tone and meaning. Do not just listen to merely the words, listen to the story behind the words.
• Connect with her heart. When you communicate with your wife, try to step out of a typical "problem-solver" mentality, and speak from your heart. Women need to connect with you on a heart level. Your wife needs and wants to see your passions, your drive, your emotions - yes, your feelings. Women need to see the humanity of their husband. I truly believe that almost every wife longs to have a heart-connection with her husband. One of the ways this happens is in heart felt communication.
• If you are not sure just ask. If you are speaking from your heart and listening with your whole body, and still have not a clue what your wife is truly saying - maybe her body language is not matching her words at all - then just ask her what she meant! By showing a deep interest in your wife's thoughts, the conversation will naturally ebb and flow better and the two of you will be more connected. It is better to ask then to guess. Most women would see your asking as proof that you are truly interested in the conversation.
• Allow the conversation to ebb and flow. I am guessing here that at times it is very frustrating for a husband to carry on a conversation with his wife, especially if that man is used to cut and dry conversations where each party takes his own, quick-to-the-point, turn. It's okay to allow your wife to break into your conversation with her thoughts and feelings and comments. (A wife should never be rude or disrespectful, but the way most of us communicate is with a conversation dance - where both partys' words mingle together to form one beautiful conversation.) If you are able to relax and enjoy this conversation dance, then communication with your wife will be much smoother.

Communication requires thought, love, and patience in marriage. It also requires a willingness to humble ourselves and to learn how to listen and to communicate better. Hopefully this two part series has given all of us a little bit to think about before we enter our next conversation.

 Ladies, what would you add to this?

Thanks for all of the great questions and input that have been emailed and given to us! If you have a marriage topic or question that you would like featured on a Wedded Wednesday post, then please feel free to leave a comment or email me at amomentcherished(at)gmail(dot)com or leave a message on the blog's facebook page.

[Do you like boutique children's clothing? If so, check out the amazing give away here. You have six chances to enter and win!]

.Trying to Get His Attention.

This week's question comes from a reader. She was very interested in the man's persepective on her question, so I decided to leave this one all up to Jim and hand this week's question over to him.

How do I get my husband's undivided attention for a serious conversation?

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” ~Albert Einstein

(source)

This question seems as though it is much simpler to write than to actually accomplish sometimes. I know I could write a whole bunch of axioms, but I am guessing if you are asking this question, you probably have tried the general principles already.

So, let me start here: men and women were created very differently. The way we think, the way we reason, is vastly different. Women’s brains are like a bowl of cooked spaghetti. When you look at it you know that there are lots of strands of spaghetti, but the idea that you could see where one strand begins and another ends is ludicrous.

A women’s mind connects all dots. So, the fact that a man walks in the door, says “I love you” and throws his coat on the floor is a way of saying “I love you as my maid.”

 Men, on the other hand, separate everything into boxes. There is a box for food, a box for work, a box for wife, a box for kids, a box for hanging up coats, and of course, a box for nothing (a favorite of men.) So, when a man walks into the house says “I love you” and throws his coat on the floor, it is first a statement of his undying love for his spouse, and second a disconnected display of his desire to see his coat hanging. One is not a statement of the other-just two things that happen in close timing with one another.

Now-before the debate rages as to which way is right or wrong, let’s recognize the difference between men and women. I agree in the above account the man must be more sensitive, but I also know that the woman must see that while her husband is being a slob, he is not saying she is his servant.

Okay, before this digresses too far, let’s get back to the issue at hand:

How do I get my husband's undivided attention for a serious conversation?

I believe the most effective way to accomplish what you are trying to do here is to get your man’s undivided attention. You must make sure he is not in his illusive “nothing” box, or thinking about the awesome meal you just cooked. I thought about saying you should approach him in the nude… but that leads to a box that is particularly hard to get him out of. Seriously, make sure you have his attention, and ask when a good time to talk would be. Do not settle for a vague answer. Set something in stone and make sure you stick to it. If you have young children, maybe after everyone is to bed and you have had a few minutes to collect yourselves.

Once you have established what men refer to as a “meeting,” you now are in business. Your man should be aware that you are engaging in conversation and that there is an agenda. Don’t go overboard and go writing an agenda, but do think like a meeting with an agenda. You must know what you want out of this conversation… because if you just want to have a “serious conversation” with no objectives, you are as likely to get a talk about whether circus peanuts are good (I vote yes), or several suggestions from your husband that this meeting may go better upstairs. You will be frustrated and he will be confused. When I enter a meeting, in any setting, with no agenda the meeting immediately derails.

Now, back to the spaghetti and boxes thing. You have to speak your man’s language. If you want to talk about the problems in your marriage and you sight “that you treat me like your maid” and “that all I am to you is an object for sex” almost all men will have no idea what you mean. I know that is frustrating… BUT, if you want to be productive, you must give us all the connecting dots.

For example: “When you walk in the room and throw your coat on the floor, that tells me more about how you feel about me than the words ‘I love you’. The home is my responsibility and I take it seriously, and it is as if you walk in and don’t care. Then, when you sit down without helping me get the kids or the food to the table, I feel like you don’t understand the pressure I face every day, and that I need help. Then, right after diner, when you don’t clean up and turn on the TV ‘til bedtime I feel even more like you don’t care about me. That’s why when you come to bed and want to ‘snuggle’ I don’t feel like it. Because I am tired yes, but more so, I don’t feel like you care. Thank you for saying ‘I love you’, it is something. I am just needing help to go with the verbal affirmation.”

Now, in your man’s mind is the thought, “Oh crap, how do I fix this.” This is a man’s problem that is hard for you to understand, and I get that. However, you will find that he will begin to make absurd promises, that if you believe, you will be heartbroken. Why? Because he loves you and really does want to fix the problem. However, he has little perspective on just how to do that. Here’s how you can help with that.

“Honey, I am not looking for you to have all the answers to this tonight. Can you think on it, and maybe we can talk tomorrow about some things we can do better?” (As I write that it sounds super condescending… don’t be condescending, that is annoying. The idea is to give him time to mull it over without the pressure to have answer or make a promise he won’t be able to keep.)

Finally, when he does make an effort, praise him like crazy!! (Maybe some of that aforementioned “cuddling”)

Now, this example is addressing a problem, but the same thing rings true when talking about other non-problem issues. You must establish a time to talk about the issue, clearly articulate your perspective, and give him space to think. If it is complex-like “should we adopt?” It may take a little while… I remember when Tiffany dropped that bomb on me. You know what my initial response was: “Ummm, sure babe, I would consider going to Ethiopia. Yeah, Lucy is cute.” (In my head: What is going on??? Is this woman crazy??? {NOTHING BOX, NOTHING BOX}.)

Hope this was at least a little helpful.

Jim.

How about you? How do you get your husband's attention for a serious conversation?

Thanks for all of the great questions and input that have been emailed and given to us! If you have a marriage topic or question that you would like featured on a Wedded Wednesday post, then please feel free to leave a comment or email me at amomentcherished(at)gmail(dot)com or leave a message on the blog's facebook page.

.If Only I Had Known.

The reader's question that we attempted to answer today is this.

What do you wish you knew before you were married?

I think it is absolutely vital for a couple to prepare ahead of time for marriage. This is one area that I was not fully prepared in, and wish that I had been.

I wish that I had known and had prepared for the amount of unselfishness a good marriage strives on.

I believe, now, that unselfishness is one of the biggest gifts I can bring to my marriage. I got married as a young, naive, and selfish girl. It has taken me a lot of years to understand the importance of dieing to self and living an unselfish life for my husband (and my children). Unfortunately, this is a daily battle for me. I am constantly struggling with my flesh in this area. I know with all my heart that unselfishness is a good thing, but it is an entirely different matter to actually live unselfishly on a daily basis. Thankfully, I was never asked to do it in my own strength, rather through the power of Jesus living in and through me. I am working on living everyday trying to "out serve" my husband, which is hard to do! One reason is that my husband is a really great servant, and another reason is that my flesh is so weak!

Many of you know the battle that I face with fear. It is a huge sin area in my life. And to be honest, to be unselfish, is scary - it makes me fearful. Satan is really good at feeding me some of these lies about being unselfish:

If I am unselfish that leaves me vulnerable to my husband, and I could be taken advantage of.

If I am unselfish than my needs will never be met, and I will be miserable.

If I am unselfish than I cannot be happy, because I will be too busy emptying myself to make someone else happy.

Truly they are all lies straight from the father of lies. I am already in a relationship where I am loved perfectly - that relationship is with Jesus. There is nothing left that I need. God will bless me for my unselfishness, He will fulfill my desires and my needs and give me JOY beyond earthly happiness.

I John 4:18-19 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first

I am a work in progress, almost ten years into this marriage, and I am just beginning to learn what it is to be truly unselfish. I didn't enter my marriage this way, and I wish that I had. Here are three areas that I am begging God to chip away at and grow me in when it comes to my selfishness within marriage:

1. Understand my husband's needs and strive to care more for his needs than my own. This can only happen when I truly understand the grace that God has imparted on my life, and the fact that this is how God relates to me. Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.
2. By being willing to sacrifice for my husband even if that sacrifice comes at my own expense. It's easy for me to talk about being unselfish, but to actually do it takes sacrificial action on my part. A godly, wonderful marriage is made up of sacrifices. Yes, sometimes big sacrifices, but the real, constant ones are those little everyday sacrifices. Those are the ones I am trying to master. I Corinthians 13:5 Love does not demand its own way.
3. To honor the value of my husband. This doesn't mean that I am not valuable, or that I do not have needs. Simply put this means that I give more honor, more appreciation to my husband than to myself. I John 3:18 Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

To read what my husband wishes he knew before marriage click here.

How about you? What do you wish that you had known before marriage?

Thanks for all of the great questions and input that have been emailed and given to us! If you have a marriage topic or question that you would like featured on a Wedded Wednesday post, then please feel free to leave a comment or email me at amomentcherished(at)gmail(dot)com or leave a message on the blog's facebook page.

.How to Build a Marriage that Lasts.

Love deep and long and unconditionally.

Say I'm sorry.

Kiss & hug & touch - often.

Laugh.

Talk - bare it all. Leave no sentence uncovered. Expose.

Learn about the other.

Shower each other with compassion & grace & mercy.

Empathize.

Keep no record of wrong.

Cheer loud & emphatically. Let the whole world know you married the best.

Slow life down and savor the moments.

Create memories.

Play.

Pray.

Get to know the Jesus of the Bible together - the real Jesus - even if He is different than you were taught.

Take your other to God daily - moment by moment.

Be thankful & grateful & content. And say that you are.

Wrap your heart jointly around what God's heart is drawn to.

Love others.

Fill your home with children & laughter & wonderful, messy life.

Throw away perfection and reach for the beauty in the imperfect.

Swing.

Sing.

Pen notes of undying love.

Stay up late and pillow talk.

Remember when.

Look at the other through the eyes of Jesus.

Less self.

Lighten up. Have fun. Don't take yourself seriously.

Keep love sacred.

Get your hands dirty together for the sake of the gospel.

Admit your mistakes & grow beyond them.

Forgive, forgive, forgive. Wipe the slate clean no matter how many times it takes.

Always kiss goodnight. Always say I love you.

Don't be afraid to grow up & to grow old - together.

Experience intimacy with God & then with each other.

Face the same direction - holding hands.

Dance.

Let God be the glue that forms two into one.

Today marks just nine years for us. We are just beginning to understand what makes a marriage last. Not everyday has been bliss, but everyday has been blessed.

.Books on Marriage.

This week's question is as follows:
What are some books, besides the Bible, that Christian married couples should read?

This is hard for me to say. I am not sure what books married couples should read, because it is subjective. I love to read - love, love, love it. I am a total bookworm, and I have been from the moment letters revealed themselves as words to me. But in all honesty, I have not read that many books on marriage. I get nervous with things like this, because I do not want to swallow down what some human has to say. I really want to make sure it is biblically sound. Having said that, books can be wonderful resources, and I think they have there place - always under the Bible and through the Bible. So here are a few books that I have read and would recommend.Some of them are more Scripture based and some are just more lighthearted, but each has been valuable to me as a wife seeking to please God in my marriage.

The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian I read this book during the first few months that we were married. It completely shaped my prayer life for my husband, and much of how I pray for Jim today is still from this book. In fact I was recently thinking about asking Jim to dig around in the attic to find my copy, as I would love to go through the book again now that I have a few years of marriage under my belt and understand my husband even better.

A Wife After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George This book shares 12 ways to love your husband the way God wants a wife to. The topics were practical and applicable. I enjoyed using the study guide that accompanies the book. Jim read through A Husband After God's Own Heart by Jim George at the same time. It was neat to apply and talk through what we were learning.

Sex Begins in the Kitchen by Dr. Kevin Leman Dr. Leman is not a theologian and does not claim to be, but I really enjoy his lighthearted, practical books. He gives great tips on how to nurture a godly, loving marriage. This book is entertaining to read, and would be fun to read aloud together.

Cinderella Meets the Caveman: Stop the Boredom in Your Marriage and Jump start the Passion by Dr. David E. Clarke This was a book that Jim and I worked through together, reading aloud before bed. It was entertaining, but let me admit that Jim did not care for it. He thought that some of the author's ideas were silly and that he stereotyped men (especially men - and I agree, he did) and women way too much. I did enjoy the book, and I learned some things. This is light hearted and may not be for every couple.

The Five Love Languages:The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman I love the practical ideas given of how to show love. I must say that I am not sure if I entirely buy into the love language theory, but having said that I still think this is a great book. I believe that it does give valuable insights into relationships. It is important to understand that our spouse's needs may be different then our own needs, and this book brings that to light.

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn I read this book a few years back while we were vacationing. Jim read For Men Only by Shaunti Fedlhahn at the same time. I cannot really put my finger on exactly what in the book struck us, but these books rocked our marriage and changed our relationship - for the better. It has been a few years, but I believe every chapter resonated with me in a way.

I have read a few more books over the years, but these are the ones that I can quickly draw to mind and that I would suggest to a married couple.

BUT I really want to use the comment section for you to share what marriage books have impacted you and why. I cannot wait to dive into some new reading material this summer!

As always please email me at amomentcherished(at)gmail(dot)com if you have a marriage question or topic you would like us to try to tackle.

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.What Does it Mean to be One Flesh.

I was hit with a nasty cold/bug yesterday. I sat down to write my post for today, and I just could not think clearly. So today's Wedded Wednesday is all on my hubby who requested I just post his response here. I think he did a great job answering the question. What do you think?

What does it mean to be one flesh? In being one flesh do I lose my identity as an individual?

Yes.

Can I have this be a one word post?

Here is my rationale:

Individualism is not a Biblical concept. In all the ways that we see Christ characterize us, I just do not see the moment He says "you are like a silo..." Instead, we see Him constantly referring to us as a bride, a body, as members of one another, or some other part of a whole. He even implores us to ask ourselves how much we love ourselves, and to love others to that extent. {Matthew 22:36-40}

Now, in the context of marriage, we are told that we are to be "one flesh." {Genesis 2:21-24; Matthew 19:5-6; Mark 10:8; Ephesians 5:31} To me, there is no wiggle room here. There is not that point at which we say "yes but in that one flesh there is a form of individuality..." Mark 10:8 spells it out the best, "so then they are no longer two, but one flesh." Jesus is describing what marriage is and the reality that divorce is not in God's playbook.

Paul gives us another picture of this in I Corinthians 6:15-17, "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For 'the two,' He says, 'shall become one flesh.' But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him."

In articulating for us our need to flee from sexual immorality, he is saying that simply by engaging in sexual immorality, whether porn, or adultery, or lust, we imply that our spouse, in this case, Christ is involved. This is not to say that Christ is held responsible for our sinful choices... however, it is to say that when people look at us, Christ's bride, they presume that we reflect Him and that He reflects us.

I feel as though this is getting extremely muddled. Partly because I do not want to communicate that we are responsible for the sin of our spouse or that somehow Christ is responsible for our sin. What is biblically relevant here is that in joining in marriage, we have bound ourselves to one another. We are no longer independent beings, free to choose whatever we want without implications for our spouse. However, even apart from marriage, our lives are not to be individualistic.

I suppose there is another issue: One of personality and preference. In that sense, you are not bound to "like" what your spouse "likes." For example: My wife enjoys seafood, I do not. This does not attack our "one-fleshness" {I just made up a word}. In the same vein, I am outspoken, while Tiffany is not... and this does not counter the idea of being "one flesh."

It [being one flesh} is a matter of identity and unity. We, Tiffany and I, are to be united on the front of godliness, purpose, and execution of those things, because in those things, we reflect one another.

Wow. I feel like this is more confusing than helpful...

What are your thoughts?




____________

PS Thank you so very much for all of the encouraging comments on yesterday's post and prayers being lifted up for my family and specifically Jamesy. I will post details of the MRI as soon as I can on Thursday or Friday. I appreciate you all!

.Budgeting Togetherness.

Today's topic is a little more light-hearted than our others have been, but it is nonetheless just as important.

How does a couple keep their marriage fresh and alive? I've been married for almost 7 years and although we love each other more today than we did 7 years ago, 4 kids later (and #5 coming!) it's hard to get in time for just the two of us that fit into the budget! :) I'd love to hear creative ways of getting Husband and Wife time on a budget.

This has been fun for me to think through. We have not done all of these ideas that I have come up with, but I am hoping to! My husband and I have to be more creative during this phase of our life. Part of our attachment plan with Jamesy is to not leave him with anyone for one year. This makes things a little trickier with our alone time and with continuing to feel connected to one another, so this was a great chance for me to sit and and think in order to be purposeful about this important area of our marriage. Please feel free to add your own ideas in the comments below!

Jim and I have been married for nine years in July and we have been a couple for fourteen years. We dated for five years before we married. Jim can still look at me a certain way and immediately send butterflies fluttering in my belly. However, it does take work to make our comfortable, easy relationship still sparkle with freshness and fun. Satan loves to edge in to the day-to-day grind and make us forget the bliss that truly can be married life. Let's make a pact to elbow him right out of the way this summer.

• Set aside a time for a date with your spouse once a week (if schedules allow). This does not mean you have to go out. If your budget and life cannot afford a once a week date night out then stay in. It is best if you can come up with one set night a week that is your date night. Feed the children early and put them to bed early - one night a week will not hurt them! Set aside a couple of hours to sit down, eat, and talk. Get dressed up and set the table nice - make it special and something you both look forward to.




• No time for a weekly date night? Set aside a weekly 30 minute couch time. After the children are in bed, turn of the TV, shut down any distractions and commit to spend 30 uninterrupted minutes communicating about the week ahead, your hopes, dreams, prayer requests, things that happened in your day, the children, what you appreciate most about your spouse, areas your relationship can be improved upon, etc.




• Write love notes. This happens to be an area where my husband and I both feel loved - words of affirmation, but sometimes the day-to-day gets in the way of this. Be purposeful about looking for ways to affirm your spouse, then write it down and tuck it in the car, on the pillow, tape it to the bathroom mirror, etc. Or email or text a love note during the day while you're apart.




• Have a picnic dinner in your back yard after the children have gone to bed.




• Make a list of everything you love about your spouse and give it to him or her or keep a journal and give it to him or her when it is full.




• Turn off the TV and play a game together. My husband and I used to play lots of board games and card games before we had children, and we had so much fun!




• Cook a meal together and talk.




• Choose a book to read together before bed. Then take turns reading one chapter out loud each night. Don't forget to make time to talk about what you are reading.




• Remember all of those cheesy love songs when you were dating? (C'mon, I am sure we were not the only ones that had them). Dig them out and slow dance in the kitchen.




• Choose a cause and support it together. My husband and I began to sponsor a Compassion child together last year. I fell in love with him again, as I watched him fall in love with a little girl from the Philippines, then a little girl from Ethiopia, and now our son from Ethiopia. There is something so romantic about fighting for justice TOGETHER.




• Set out a blanket in the yard, lay down, and watch the stars together as you talk.




• Physically connect throughout the day. Be purposeful about hugging, holding hands, kissing and connecting physically.




• Look at photo albums from your early years together and reminisce.




• Make S'mores together over your BBQ grill or gas stove. (For me this is a chocolate bar between graham crackers sans marshmallows!)

Those are a few of my ideas, but I certainly have not thought of everything, so please add your own. Here are my husband's thoughts on this subject. As always if you have a topic of interest or a question you want us to try to answer for Wedded Wednesday please email at amomentcherished(at)gmail(dot)com.

To read other Wedded Wednesdays click here.
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.Speaks For Itself.

And it does - this comment left by a blog reader in response to Wednesday's post just pricked my heart. It is too wonderful not to share. I pray someone is encouraged by this woman's testimony.

I came into my marriage 7 1/2 years ago with the same personality as my husband. We both wanted what we wanted. So I spent the first 2-3 years of our marriage trying to control him. If I thought he did something he shouldn't have, I let him know. He didn't treat me very well either, so he didn't have my heart. At almost the 3 year mark of our marriage, and after falling into a couple of well-laid traps of the enemy, my husband moved out and stopped having anything to do with our family. We had 2 young children and I was pregnant with the 3rd. This was a man who thought his family was everything to him, and now he was like a complete stranger.

It was at this point that I had to step up to the plate, and decide I was going to do whatever it took to save my family. I was so emotionally wrecked during this time, but the Lord showed me so many things. I remember laying in the kitchen floor, sobbing, and the Lord whispered 1 Corinthians 13:4 to me. "Love is patient, Love is kind." That prompted me to open my Bible and read the scripture in it's entirety. If I claimed to love him, this is what my love should look like. And after re-committing myself to him, the Lord began to do a work in my heart about quiet submission. He was gone for a good 4 months. I would see bits and pieces of him, and whenever I got the chance, I would just lavish love and affection on him. I would see the lifestyle he was living, and hold my tongue. I purposed to speak nothing but kind and uplifting words to him. I did a few other things. And eventually, he started coming back around. I know he was seeped in guilt and shame for his actions, and that made it harder to come back. But I made it easy for him to come back.

He has since rededicated his life to God and that horrible time period is in the past. But, it took a good while before I voiced my opinion again. And even then I cautiously spoke, taking his ego and heart into account every time I spoke. Now that we have been married 7 1/2 years, I am free to say whatever I want because now he trusts me. But I had to learn to shut my mouth and let him lead. Even when that meant he made bad decisions. Even when that meant he stopped tithing. And you know what? God NEVER let us down. He NEVER let us go without. He honored my submission to my husband, and completely took care of our finances and blessed us above and beyond.

Now- that doesn't mean for one second that my husband is off the hook. That doesn't mean that what he did was ok, or even slightly acceptable. He has his own consequences that he has had to deal with. But I am not responsible for his actions. I am responsible for my own. I am not called to wait on him to make the change for the better. I am called to be the change that I want to see. And I also want to say- Women don't speak against what you are wanting to see. If you want to see your husband take his place as leader of your home, don't continually confess with your mouth that he is "__________" (You fill in the blank). The Bible says the power of life and death is on our tongues, so DON'T give power to the weaknesses we see in our spouses. Give power to the strengths! I had to learn to cover my husband's sins instead of exposing them. The Bible says "love covers a multitude of sins". And some people may be tempted to call me or anyone else in this situation an "enabler", but I felt the conviction from God that I was NOT to be the Holy Spirit in his life. I was just there to help him be the best version of himself. I am a 100% firm believer that any marriage can be saved. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband; complete with love, laughs, great "bed" time, and just the knowledge that I have found exactly who God wants me to be with. there was never a plan B with God. Sometimes personalities just have to be ironed out!

.What to do if your Husband is {NOT} fulfilling His Role.

We decided to kick this series off by answering a tough question from one of my sweet readers. The thoughts that I am about to share are just my thoughts, my opinions. I have been careful to filter them through the Word of God, but that is something each individual must also do for his or her self. I am not equipped to hold the answer - only God is. I just pray this may be an encouragement to some and a starting place for the woman who asked the question. Please give me grace.

What do you do when you know that your husband is NOT fulfilling his role. And won't. Flat out refuses. I mean, he works and provides for us, but spiritually? He has cut God out of his life, won't allow Him back in. If I was submissive to him and let him make decisions, not only would he be cutting out things that SHOULD be a priority in our life (i.e. seeing my family, which is 4000+ miles away) in order to get things to make him happy (snow machine, season football tickets for a team 2000 miles away)... he would file for divorce so he can live "his" way and not have to worry about or provide for me or our baby due in September..he could be the selfish person he wants to be, and he could date the short blondes he likes so much better than me. He hasn't always been this way, but has been for most of our marriage (which is pretty new!)... I'm trying hard to be a good wife, especially in the biblical sense, but I'm frustrated because I feel like if I follow his lead, and am submissive to him, it's going to end in disaster. I feel like either way I'm failing. And he tells me I'm failing every day. That I should be submissive, but when I'm submissive I feel like I need to be standing up to his ridiculousness! He said I don't make him want to be a good guy...if I was someone else, I would, but he looks at me every day and knows he could do so much better.
For the record, I'm not trying to get out of this, I just want to know if anyone has any advice for how to be a good Christian wife, while somehow snapping their husband out of their crazy attitude. Obviously prayer is a big thing here! Believe me, I've got that one covered ;)

Oh, this is hard. I have mulled this over and over in my mind and prayed for guidance as to how to respond to this. I write this hesitantly and humbly. (I am writing all of this believing that no abuse is happening in your home, but if abuse is happening. Please, please seek help.) One thing that jumped out to me when I read the above was

If I was submissive to him and let him make decisions, not only would he be cutting out things that SHOULD be a priority in our life (i.e. seeing my family, which is 4000+ miles away) in order to get things to make him happy.

I don't know all of the circumstances of this marriage, and I cannot pretend to. However, I do know that the Bible tells us that when a couple is married they are to "leave and cleave or unite".

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

It is absolutely vital for a marriage that the husband and wife leave (both physically and emotionally) their first family and form their own new family when they are married. I am going to be honest and say this has probably been the hardest thing for me in my marriage. But it is so important for a healthy, biblically-centered marriage. Because I have married my husband, I am now choosing to believe that his wishes and his desires are more important than even those of my parents. This new family that was created from the marriage union must be a higher priority than the old families. I know this is hard, and I know that it hurts and doesn't seem right that your husband does not want to see your family or parents, but right now it is so vital that you work on leaving your old family and cleaving to your husband and the new family you are creating. Even if it doesn't always make sense to your heart, and even if it means right now you cannot go visit them.

When we marry, we are to enter into it with until death do us part tattooed on our hearts. There is no escape route, no plan B, a marriage is to be forever. I believe that is Biblical. We are in this for the long haul. God demands submission from biblically sound wives, and He demands godly leadership from biblically sound husbands. However, if a wife is not being submissive that does not give a husband the permission to not lead, and if a husband is not leading that does not give a wife permission to not submit. Our roles and God-given demands are not contingent on our partner's behavior. I know this is hard, but your husband may never change. I pray that he does, and I believe that God can change him and desires for your marriage to be a beautiful reflection of His love. But that might not be what happens. Yes, pray for your husband to change and to step into his role - even gently talk to Him without nagging. But I think that you must understand that truly he may never change and choose to not focus on these shortcomings of his. Rather choose to love him, to encourage him, and even to delight in him - of course all the while praying that God does changes his heart.

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives. I Peter 3:1

I think another vital piece is allowing our husbands to lead. I touched on this in prior posts. Sometimes we just have to get out of the way and allow our husband to lead even if we see that he is headed in a way that doesn't make the most sense. (If he is leading his family in something that is in direct disobedience to the Bible then seek guidance from outside help.) Encourage him in any and every decision that is positive for your family - big or small. Let him see that you are his biggest cheerleader and that you trust him. It is completely okay to share your personal opinions - gracefully, gently - without nagging or manipulation. Be open and honest and then let it go. Don't question his decisions once they are made. Yes, our husbands might fail, yes they may make terrible decisions at times, but we are still told to let them lead. Biblical Sarah was a wonderful example of this. You can read her account in Genesis 12:10-20 and Genesis 20:1-18. She allowed her husband to lead - even though his idea was terrible, and I believe God blessed her for that.

I know this post may not be easy to swallow. I know this is not how any woman would dream her marriage to be. Marriage is a covenant with God and our spouse. It is serious and binding. Marriage makes a couple one flesh, and we must act that way. We must guard our hearts from bitterness towards our husbands and disrespect even if he is not obeying his God-given role.

I believe that God wants to bless this marriage, and I pray that He turns it around and sets it on fire for Him.

What are your thoughts? To read my husband's thoughts on this topic go to his blog here.

If you have a question about marriage that you would like answered in future posts please ask in the comment section below or email me at amomentcherished(at)gmail(dot)com.

.Let Me Introduce.

We are diving in! My husband, Jim, and I have decided to launch a marriage series on our blogs. We had so much fun writing these posts here, here, here, and here , and received an overwhelming response regarding continuing the series long-term. So we are going to continue until interest dies out, or we run out of things to talk about! Each Wednesday, we will both publish a post on our blogs. Mine will answer a marriage question or discuss a marriage topic from my point of view, and his will answer the same marriage questions or discuss a marriage topic from his point of view.

Our disclaimer is that neither of us claim to be marriage experts. Truly, we are not experts at anything. Our marriage is still young. We will have nine years under us this July, and we dated for five years prior to marriage. But honestly we are still in the spring time of our marriage - and loving it! Our relationship is solid and secure, but neither of us is perfect, and we both admit to having made mistakes. Jim enjoys counseling couples and individuals, and brings his experience to the table, as well as his knowledge from being a pastor, and I, well, I have taken a few counseling classes, I love to research and learn, and am really passionate about encouraging other women. But again, we do not have all the answers, nor will we pretend to.

Having said that, starting next Wednesday, we will launch this new series - Wedded Wednesday....following through with "I do". We thought it would be fun to get some thoughts regarding what our first topic should be. We have come up with three ideas:

1. Conflict in Marriage

2. Forgiveness in Marriage

3. Unity in Marriage

What are your thoughts? Is there any interest in one of these topics? If you like one please let me know below. We also thought it would be fun to have readers come up with future topics or questions that could be used in the series. Please feel free to use comments below, or if you would rather remain anonymous email me at amomentcherished(at)gmail(dot)com.

I am excited to see what God has in store with this. I don't think that it is an accident that Bethany asked me to answer marriage questions last week. I absolutely loved the feedback from the posts on marriage and the encouragement from so many women also seeking godly marriages. Let's continue to lift one another up as we pursue marriages that glorify God.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
Hebrews 10:24

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.Following Through With "I Do" Part 3.

I must admit that I have loved writing this mini series. Today I will answer the last question Bethany gave me, but my husband, Jim, and I have been talking about making this a permanent series on our blogs - my blog from the wife's perspective and his from the husband's. Hmmm...still thinking through the idea. (Any input or interest in that?)

To catch up on Part 1 read here.
To read my husband's response to Part 1 click here.
And yesterday's question was answered here.

I think that today's question is a culmination of the other three.

What are the most important factors in being a Godly wife?

This question may be a bit subjective, but I still think we can look to the Bible to find an over arching answer, and I believe it actually boils down to just one factor, because without this factor we are unable to truly do any of the previous things we discussed the past two days.

Give God the ultimate priority in your life and your marriage.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain" (Psalm 127:1).

Every endeavor in our life has to be based on our relationship with Jesus Christ. This definitely includes marriage. Our marriages can only truly be fulfilled if we are allowing Christ to be front and center. The following verses show us our need to put Christ first.

Mark 1:35

Matthew 6:33

I Corinthians 16:2

Proverbs 3:9

2 Corinthians 8:5

I dare say that as wives, who desire to live biblically, if we commit these verses to memory and then choose to obey them, our marriages can be vibrant and fulfilling.

Our marriages must be built on biblical principals in order to truly succeed, and the only way to know what those principles are is to be saturated in the Word. A marriage that is built on the foundation of Jesus Christ can endure any test and any trial.

Luke 6:47-49 Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when a flood occurred, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly, is like a man who built a house on the ground without any foundation; and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great.

God will be glorified when we build our marriages on His truth and keep Him central to everything, and that is the most important factor to being a godly wife. This doesn't happen overnight. It takes hard work and commitment and is a daily choice, but marriage - like all of our Christian walk - is a process. Our marriages will continue to grow and mature as we grow and mature in Christ.

Do you agree? Disagree? What do you think are the most important factors of being a godly wife?

Thanks for the interaction this week. I have been so blessed.

.Following Through With "I Do" Part 2.

EDIT: My hubby has added a male prespective to the first question, and it is great! Check it out here!

To catch up on part 1 click here.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24

Today's question gets stickier, as the area of submission is heated - even within Christian circles. {Deep breath} Let's dive in with grace.

What does the Bible mean by [a wife's] submission and what does it involve?

First and foremost, this idea of submission was created by God. It was intended as a beautiful thing. When we really study and think through submission we can draw the conclusion that submission is central to our relationship with God. A wife's submission to her husband is an outward picture of her submission to her Savior. It is beautiful and magnetic - people notice. Jesus calls us to be his disciples. A disciple must submit himself to the teacher. It is humans who have made submission out to be an ugly, awful thing. We have limited it, distorted it, and squeezed it into a legalistic mold.

True biblical submission is voluntary, and it comes from an internal love and desire to please God. Biblical submission puts the interest of our husband above ourselves. It is selfless. Submission is an intentional act of love. A godly wife is intrinsically motivated to submit to her husband because of her love for God and her love for her husband. When we submit to our husbands we are actually making known the authority that God has over us as well. Submission to our husbands does not mean that we cannot graciously share our opinion with our husbands or that we have to deny all of our dreams and desires and robotically "obey". A woman is valuable in a marriage, and so is her role. Biblical submission is a privilege. It is not an enslavement as so many want us to believe that it is.

I want to be careful to point out that God has clearly stated that a wife is to submit to her own husband. All women are not to be submissive to all men, and it makes me really uncomfortable when I hear this false teaching being spread. Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. It is only in the context of marriage that a woman is commanded to be submissive to her husband.

When a woman makes a choice to marry (and it is a choice we have made!) then she is also choosing to place herself under the submission of her husband. So practically speaking what does submission look like? Outward submission is yielding to our husband's desires without putting up a fuss or resisting. It is a daily submitting of our will. This again does not mean that wives cannot express her desires and opinions to her husband. She must do so respectfully and graciously, and ultimately she is commanded to surrender.

A wife is neither a doormat nor a slave in marriage. Ultimately we are choosing to allow our husbands to take care of us. And isn't that truly what we desire? A wife is a meaningful, irreplacable, contributing partner in a marriage, but she still must understand her God-given role and her husband's God-given role. A husband has been given the responsibility of guiding his family and home, and a wife needs to allow him to do so and encourage him in his role. A husband needs to have the freedom and encouragement from his wife to have leadership in his home.

I absolutely do not believe that a wife needs to submit to her husband in an area that does not line up with God's Word, but we must be daily in God's Word to know whether or not this is the case. If a husband ever asks his wife to do something that is ungodly or unbiblical she must not do it. I believe Scripture is clear that we must follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and I believe that if we are in tune to what God's Word tells us He will guide us in every situation. Husbands are human and honestly they are incapable to always lead their wives in all truth - that is the job of the Holy Spirit.

I know that no two marriages are the same and that sometimes the husband is not following his biblical role. I believe that a wife is still expected to submit, unless as stated above, he is asking her to do something that is unbiblical. I also believe that we serve a God that can restore and redeem marriage, and that a wife has a lot of power when she lives out her faith authentically in front of her husband and commits to praying for him. God has used godly, submissive wives to radically turn around an ungodly husband and/or family. He will continue to work in this way. It may not happen in our human timing, and we need to trust that God is faithful. I know that is easy for me to type, as I am not living that reality.

I truly believe that marriage vows were met to be beautiful and sacred, but I do not think that God ever intended for a marriage to become violent or abusive. In that situation I think that it is very appropriate for the woman to seek safety and biblical counsel. I do not believe God intends for her to stay inside an unsafe home.

So what do you think? How would you define submission? What does it involve in marriage? I look forward to interacting with you!
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.Celebrating our Love.

Momentous Monday is postponed for this week because for the first time ever (being that in the past at this point in the summer we are usually ministering at a summer camp) we are going away for our anniversary - for three days- alone!! I am so excited! When our church held a welcome service for us in March, they gave us a voucher for a hotel stay as well as a love check. We have been saving them for something special.

And I do believe that our eighth anniversary is something special. {grin}


(sorry for the quality - this was pre-digital days)

I remember the girl in that photo, and oh, how she was a girl. Just two months graduated from college, 22 years old, and so excited to finally begin life with her sweet heart of five years. Look at that baby face!

It has been a joy and a blessing to be married to Jim. On Tuesday, July 6, it will be 2,920 days since that moment when I walked down the aisle with butterflies in my stomach, anticipation in my heart, and tears on my cheeks, towards the love of my life. My only. Today all that is left of that moment is memories, a tightly sealed box in my parent's home with my preserved wedding dress, a book of photographs, and a few tucked momentos in the corner of my heart. I am surprised at how quickly the years have fallen away, but I look in the mirror and no longer see that baby faced girl. In her place is a much more confident, passionate, comfortable in her own skin woman. And yet each and every time I look into my groom's eyes, I am that eager, excited girl of a bride once more. I pray that never changes.



My darling, Jim - my Jimmy-Bear, I count it this life's greatest privilege, honor, and blessing to be loved and protected by you. You have exceeded my expectations for a husband, and encourage me every day to pursue my Jesus. It has been my incredible joy to mommy your children, to walk by your side for eight years as your wife, and thirteen years as your Love. Thank you for cherishing me and protecting my God-given role in our home. You make it so easy to follow your lead.

This past year I have been especially blessed by your godly leadership in our home, and your courage. Your courage to walk away from the only ministry we have ever known in order to follow God's leading. Your courage to accept the call to the ministry of adoption. Your courage to search out the Scriptures in order to truly understand how to radically follow after our Savior, no matter what.

I am so looking forward to going back to the beginning for a few days - back to you and me and our love. The best is yet to be....

All my love,
All my life,
All for you.

Your Baby Doll.


Our wedding song. Cheesy video, but still love the song. {grin}
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.Getting Dressed.

I thought I would add something fun for Friday. Actually I have been waiting all day to tie up a few loose ends for our t-shirt fundraiser. I may be able to post about it shortly, and I am so excited!

Can I let you in on a secret?

I lay out my husband's clothes for him during the week and on Sundays. Please don't think I'm weird. {grin} I like doing it, and it blesses my husband. But the real truth is, while my husband truly does have good taste, sometimes he just does not get how to put together an outfit. He doesn't understand the rules. You ladies out there, get this, right? Please don't tell me I am alone here. There are rules to follow when getting dressed.

My husband has repeatedly asked me about these rules. I believe he truly wants to understand them. Occasionally he will wear something that I have not pulled together for him. I will grimace and groan and explain to him how he cannot possibly wear that with that.

He stares at me blankly. Why? He sighs.

And this is where I get stuck. I don't know why. I just know it is a rule, and that you don't do it. Have I been taught these rules? No. I just know them. My husband doesn't get it, and he gets mildly irritated. Poor guy. How do I explain to him that because I was born into the female gender I just intrinsically know when he is committing a fashion crime?

He really gets confused with the dress shoe and sock thing. Oh, he has learned that white socks with dress shoes is bad. Really bad. He also knows to wear dress socks with dress shoes, and to never ever put his naked foot into a dress shoe.

But this confuses him. These shoes -

which I happen to love. They are trendy and go with his style so well. He wears them year long, and he wears them with jeans, shorts, and khakis. The other day he came home for lunch saying he was so hot (it was a warm day for us). I happened to notice he was wearing a polo, khakis and these shoes, and a really thick pair of dress socks.

Honey, I said, you didn't have to wear socks today.

He lost it. I had lectured him so many times on the evils of not wearing socks with shoes. How in the world could this time be any different?

I shrugged my shoulders, and said it just is. This rule has an exception with those shoes.

How do you know?? He said through clenched teeth.

I just do. I replied with a little grin. I just do.




To make sure you get more of the inside scoop on our marriage subscribe to me! {grin}
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.Blessing my Husband.

I write so much about my children here. A big part of this blog is cherishing the moments of their childhood and documenting my feelings, my hopes, my dreams, and at times my struggles regarding raising my two darlings. I certainly want to preserve these precious years. But today I write about being a wife. As passionate as I am about being a godly mommy, I am probably even more passionate about being a godly wife. One thing I know for sure is that without being a godly wife, I can never be a godly mommy. I think one of the best gifts I can give my children is the love I have for their daddy.

I love blessing my husband. I love thinking of creative ways to bless him. However, I think it is the everyday, ordinary blessings that really make the difference.



Laying out and ironing his clothes for work each morning.



Making our home a safe, soft, warm landing at the end of the day.



Cooking a meal that he loves.

Folding his laundry.

Making sure he has a fresh towel waiting at the end of his shower.

Purchasing only Heinz ketchup (as opposed to Hunts or a generic).

Getting excited about a NY Giant's game.

Sticking little notes in his lunch.

Changing the bed sheets often because he likes falling asleep in clean sheets.

Prioritizing my time with him.

Being attentive to his needs, his wants, his hopes, his dreams.

Cheering for him, and making sure that I am the loudest cheerleader.

Teaching my children to bless him.



Simple blessings that hopefully express my love to him. Every husband is different. Not every husband will want to blessed the same way as mine. It has been so important for me to learn what it is that blesses my husband. I have learned that the blessing is more beautiful when it is given with a pure heart and right motives.

Not everyday would I choose to bless my husband by squeezing lemons for a pie that is a least favorite of mine, but today I did and I was happy to. I want to always bless my husband and never curse him. I pray for this daily.



How do you bless your husband?