I had planned a huge birthday bash to celebrate Jamesy's first birthday home with family. We were really excited about it. However, with Cadi being sick we could not continue with our plans. So, sadly, we cancelled the party and had a low key party at home with just the grandparents.
We were going to do an owl themed party, and we had planned to purchase some decorations on Monday. Well, Monday we spent the day in a children's hospital. So no decorations were purchased. Jim did buy a few colorful helium balloons yesterday. I had planned to make a huge owl cake, but no longer needed one. So last minute yesterday I got on pinterest and found a much smaller cake idea. I baked a homemade gingerbread cake, and made cream cheese butter cream frosting. Everything was so last minute and chaotic, and for the record I hate decorating cakes. I do it only because I love my children.
My parents purchased pizza from our favorite pizza place, and we had french fries - Jamesy's favorite foods. So American!
And he enjoyed every bite. I think he knew that yesterday was for him. I hope he felt special.
"Happy Birthday" is one of Jamesy's favorite songs. We sang it to him all day yesterday. However, when it came time to "officially" sing to him with his cake, he buried his face in his hands. It was so cute and funny.
He enjoyed the cake.
Gifts were interesting. These were his first ever gifts, and he was not that impressed with opening them. Ha! Cadi gave one of her favorite stuffed toys to him. I thought that was so sweet.
All things considering, yesterday was a nice day of celebration. And for the first birthday ever, Jamesy slept safely as a son in his daddy's arms. To me this was the best part of the whole day.
Here we stand at the crossroads of the end of another year of your life and the beginning of the next. There are moments where I could choose to feel sad watching you grow farther and farther from that beautiful baby that was placed into my arms three years ago, but how can I feel anything but joy when I look at the amazing boy you are becoming? I know that even now God is at work in your life and in your heart.
I believe and pray that you and your brother are going to be the greatest men of God in your generation. Daddy and I are not simply raising a good boy, we are raising a great man who is going to do unbelievable things for the kingdom and for the glory of God. And that excites me. We have completely surrendered your life to God, and we pray that God takes you to the ends of the earth for His sake. We are not raising you to survive this world, we are raising you to change it - for the glory of God.
This has been such a big year for you, Scotty. You barely resemble the two year old that stood before me last year. The traces of baby have all but been erased, and in their place stands a boy. I am cherishing what is left of your babyhood - your sweet thumb sucking and snuggling, but I am not clinging to them. I am embracing each new stage with you as you grow.
Bringing your little brother home seemed to grow you over night. You immediately stepped into your big brother role with grace and joy, and you amazed Daddy and I. You have become a protector and defender, although perhaps God had been designing that in you all along. Even in the nursery, you were always the child who had to make sure every other child had a toy before you would settle down to play yourself.
When God gave me you, He gave me a gift. You are a precious gift. It is my privilege to be your mommy, and to do life with you. Your smile and bright eyes are the light of our home. Your laughter bounces off of our walls and embraces us. Your are tenderness and toughness, kindness and justice, charming and mischievous. You are three for a moment. A moment that I am tucking into my heart and cherishing all of the days of my life.
Jamesy, my dear, sweet, brown eyed and second born son, did you know? Did you know that half way around the world we were celebrating you and your life and the life of your precious Ethiopian Momma today? Did you know that while you lived a normal day your family was throwing a party in your honor?
Jamesy, did you know that many of our closest friends and family members were celebrating you too? I was so fearful that this day may slip by unnoticed. A day that is so important to our family, but I had nothing to fear. You are loved by so many. I think God has blessed you with a gift, because to know you is to love you.
Messages and birthday wishes flooded my facebook wall today. Emails and phone calls took up part of my day as people celebrated you! I soaked every one of them up, wanting so much for you to feel what was being said. Jamesy, people already love you, before they have met you. That is an absolutely amazing gift for your mommy. I need others to love you, and anticipate you, and I needed others to celebrate you today.
And you my dear boy were celebrated!
Jamesy, did you know that the story of you would knit the hearts of two women, who barely knew one another last year, together so tightly that we have physically felt each others pain? Did you know that she would know that today, today, I was grieving all that I had missed of you in this first year of your life, and feeling so sad and lonely without you physically here to celebrate?Did you know that she knew that I needed her to celebrate you? She celebrated you in the most beautiful, amazing way as she showed up on my doorstep with a wrapped gift. Inside was a gorgeous crocheted blanket, crocheted by her hand as she prayed for you, Jamesy. I hope you feel those prayers every time you wrap up in the gift of her blanket and it's softness caresses your sweet, brown cheek.
Did you know that your aunt and uncle and cousins in Florida celebrated you tonight? Aunt Ducky prepared the same meal as Mommy - doro wat and injera, and we all celebrated, together, but apart. They celebrated with cupcakes for dessert and lovingly placed one in the freezer for you. They celebrated with smiles and giggles despite their hearts aching for their own Ethiopian babies.
Jamesy, today you brought so many people together in unique ways to celebrate the gift of you. I pray that you will have the ability to bring people together for your whole life. You are special. You are more loved than you could possibly know. You are wanted. We have a room for you. We are waiting and preparing and anticipating YOU.
Jamesy, did you know that you have a mommy on the other side of the world weeping for you? I miss you and ache for you in an incomprehensible way. As much as we celebrated today I know that next year we will have the biggest and best bash to celebrate you.
You're invited Jamesy. Did you know that you are the guest of honor?
My arms are waiting. Happy first birthday, Jamesy, my beautiful brown eyed boy. I love you to the moon and back.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
If I had known I would have been terrified. I can see now why He keeps things hidden from us until we absolutely need to know.
The LORD our God has secrets known to no one. We are not accountable for them, but we and our children are accountable forever for all that he has revealed to us, so that we may obey all the terms of these instructions. Deuteronomy 29:29
If I had known on this day last year, as my life become thirty, where He would walk me in the 365 days and the 525,600 minutes that were book end by these birthdays, I would have trembled in fear, in disbelief, and I would have told Him NO.
It's walking by a mirror that shows me I'm older, that reminds me where I have been - especially this year. I don't like the new number, no not at all. It is an even harder number to swallow than last year, and I suppose they all will be - each year choking me a bit more and a bit more. But it is through these older eyes that I now truly see, and though the calendar has to keep changing I am learning that it is okay, I am changing to.
Between now and then I have felt the pulling and the pinching, the bending, my Potter has had to take me through. And just when I think I can not take this anymore, it hurts too much I can see Him gently lift His foot to slow the wheel, and He spins my life slowly centering me, only to once again gain speed in order to grow me. All the while He is sponging me with His Word, His truth, gently it seeps into my life, and the drips soften the hidden, hard places. He is an artist, taking His time with me. While it is frightening to be on that wheel, it is comforting to have His hands constant on me. Warm and gentle, large and strong, His hands round out every edge, every corner making me into something beautiful. It's messy and hard, for us both.
The Potter has worked long and hard this year, at times I resisted His touch, but I am starting to see a little bit of what He sees. And that I believe is the secret to growing older, to aging in grace. So maybe I will embrace this new number and throw off the old. I will fix my eyes on the Potter and let Him have His way, and what I will look like next year at this time is hidden from me for now. The hurts, the pains, the joys, the memories, the way He will ask me to bend is not for me to know at this time, and I am okay with that.
I know this much is true that His hands have never left me, never stopped moving over my life, drawing me in, and I know they have so much work left to do before His beauty can thoroughly be exposed in me.
I wait expectantly for that which I do not yet know. Because I know the One who knows.
Scotty, How can it be that today I woke up having a two year old? 365 days times TWO. Everyday is a blessing as I learn and grow into the mommy God wants me to be for you, for Sissy, and for baby brother. You make it a joy, Prescott.
You continue to light up our home with your dimpled smile and toothy grin. My heart melts time and time again, each an every day, with a new sentence you say, a new antic you learn, or the way you still tuck your sweet head into my neck and suck away at your thumb. It's home for you.
And for me.
You're not a baby anymore, though. And this past year was filled with just as many lasts as it was with firsts. The last time that you crawled as your only means of locomotion. The first timid steps that you {finally} took. The last time you laid your sweet head in your crib. The first time you slept in your twin bed. The last time you needed such a big mommy hug after your falls. The first time you stood up, dusted yourself off and gave me a brave smile. The last time you ate a meal in your highchair. The first time you sat in a booster chair right at the table. Oh, what bittersweetness mingles with those lasts and firsts.
You're growing.
You're changing.
And our relationship is growing and changing.
Daddy has become your hero, and while my heart strings react a bit, it delights me to see you want to imitate him, to be with him, to need him a little more now. And your daddy has stepped into this phase with such ease. It is as if he has waited his whole life for this - for a little boy to shadow him. I feel blessed to watch this - to watch your Daddy shadow his Daddy in heaven and you in turn shadow Him as well.
But Scotty, no matter what changes, no matter how much you need your daddy these upcoming years, know this, your mommy loves you with an unending love. I may be on the sidelines sometimes, but I am your biggest cheerleader. And that spot on my neck where you lay your head? The one we both call home when you are in it? That's yours. Forever. And so am I.
Here are some of my favorite photos from Cadi's four year old shoot. It's hard to believe that she is four, and it's even harder to believe that at this time next year she won't be. The moments go by so swiftly. I'm holding on loosely, so as not to strangle them, but trying to preserve them in my heart at the same time. It's a tough balancing act. Her beauty is so stunning.
I'm so proud to be her mommy.
She's a pretty little princess.
She was the first to know me as Mommy.
Yesterday her tiny frame was in my arms.
She's four for a moment . . . .
a moment cherished.
My sweet Cadence Grace, my little Cadi Bug, I love you to the moon and back. I love every moment of being your mommy, and I cherish them all. May God draw you to Himself, and allow you to develop a sweet relationship with Him. May He keep you safe all of your days, and may you grow up to love Him with all your heart soul and mind. Kisses and hugs from Mommy. Don't ever forget that Daddy loves you, Mommy loves you, and Scotty loves you, but Jesus loves you MOST!
This blog is my story - well God's story - of how He is taking a scared, shy girl on the adventure of a life time. He is writing a story over me that I didn't ask for, but it is more breath taking that I could have imagined. This is where I pen my story - all for God's glory. You are welcome here. The ending of this story will be a surprise for us both.
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