.Close to Home.

This is a two part series. Part 1 can be read here.

Perhaps it was a test, and if that indeed was the case, it was a very dangerous, very frightening test. But it was almost as if she wanted to see if we would pursue her, or if we would just let her go. In the days following her announcement a million thoughts raced through my mind, some as ridiculous as locking her here and refusing to allow her to leave. However, she is nineteen, and that would never really work. I begged God to find a solution and keep her from this evil. We prayed and cried as we tried to find sleep and her impending departure loomed closer and closer.

And one day we woke up, and it was the last day....

Today I am writing over at our Mercy Branch blog. You can read the rest there.

.Homestretch.

First we targeted January, and then June to move our family to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. But God still had things for us to learn in the here and now. He was still preparing our family - tweaking us here and there  - and growing us as we realize this too is part of the journey. We continue to push and pray and trust His timing, although it's not always comfortable or easy, and some days we just plain don't like the timeline we are on, and honestly feel as if, at times, we are being yanked around. But in the still quiet moments, when we take the time to really search our hearts, we know that He is here and has allowed us to remain still for a reason and a season - for a purpose. We trust that. And in this moment, we have been present for so much, for our baby girl to attend her first (and perhaps last) ever year in a traditional school, for our oldest son to get to experience another year of soccer here in America and recent surgery to repair a torn ACL and meniscus, for the death and funeral of my grandma, the birth of our niece, the moment we got the call that my sister had suffered several strokes and God had spared her life, for Jamesy to grow and thrive and develop his communication skills in huge ways, for Scotty to participate in soccer for the first time, for moments spent with extended family that otherwise could not have happened, and for all of the in between moments that we will tuck into our hearts and carry across the ocean - moments that will sustain us on those days when we are so homesick and question what we have done - for those are sure to come.

It's been a little over a year now since we said "yes, we will move to Africa, yes, we will sell our belongings, yes, we will leave behind our family and the life we have built here, and yes, we will devote our lives to sharing the mercy of Jesus with children living on the streets of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia."

Sell everything and go.

It sounds so easy and simple, but the actual reality of it is long and arduous and sometimes hard. We are living this right now, and it takes a toll in huge ways. But in it all we continue to see God's hand, His confirmation, and amazing ways in which He is moving in order for us to be able to move.

In the midst of the questions and conversations, we see Him.

We have counted the cost so many times - the physical, relational, and mental costs. We have prayed over the safety of our children and we have mourned all that we leave behind and all that we will miss.

the births
the deaths
the birthdays
the holidays
the phone calls
the drop-ins
the luxuries
the conveniences

And everything in between.

It's a complicated season - a complicated dance - a choice to continue to say yes, to continue to obey and put one step in front of the other, even when those steps seem to still be so far behind the finish line of actually moving. We are fleshing out this call of obedience to the children of Addis - even here in the wait and the pursuit. We are in the reality of the flippantly used phrase "sell everything and go". A phrase that has taken us a year to live out and begin to understand.

And in the hard, there have been tears, frustrations, mourning, questions, restlessness, and uncertainty, but there has also been determination, grace, mercy, peace, laughter, hope, expectation and no turning back.

We're in the homestretch now. We're not the same people that we were a year ago when we set out on this adventure, and a year from now, I hope the same will be true. This all has been part of the beautiful story the Author is writing over our family. His pen is poised over the next chapter, and we are ready for Him to scratch out this next part.

With pounding hearts, a little fear, a lot of hope, and open hands, we are nearing ready.


[To learn more about how we hope to partner with God in building His Kingdom in Addis Ababa, please visit our site here.]

.Connecting the Dots.

Our church is working through a series on justice, and what God has to say about it, and what that means for us as followers of Jesus. Our hearts became open, as a family, to the Spirit's leading and conviction in this area a few years back, but this is the first time that we have been given the privilege of sitting under leadership and wrestling with this subject inside of a faith community. And it's pretty wild. There are well over 2,000 verses in the Bible that touch on justice. In Hebrew the word justice and righteousness are translations of the same word. Somehow many of us have missed that! Justice and righteousness mean "to make right", and we have all been invited to partner with God in this.  So many followers of Jesus squirm at the idea of "social justice" , and it has become a controversial issue inside of Christianity - another issue in which we can separate over and judge one another. I am afraid that we have forgotten or ignored that the gospel of Jesus addresses the whole man - not just the spiritual man. Look at the life and posture of Jesus, He was constantly addressing the needs of the whole person - yes, the heart - the spiritual, but think of how many times he also addressed the physical needs as well. Jesus fed the hungry, He healed the sick, He stood up for the rights of women, He defended the oppressed, He loved the outcasts and the sinners. He engaged the whole person and their needs time after time - the heart, soul, mind, and body. We are supposed to imitate Jesus. That is what we have been called to do. So we are wrestling through this as a faith community, and I am so thankful to be doing so.

Last night our church hosted an opportunity for us to watch the movie Nefarious: Merchant of Souls




This was a documentary that exposed the very real truth about sex trafficking. While slavery is something that Jim and I have had our eyes opened to in the past few years, and have changed some of our purchasing and spending habits, so as not to add to the slavery pandemic, this movie still took my breath away. I don't think I can ever "get used to" this kind of injustice. I pray that I can't.

But it also connected dots.

I was watching the movie last night with tears streaming down my cheeks, thinking that we had to do something and feeling that familiar guilt begin to creep into my heart - because I am such a bleeding heart and cannot ignore this stuff. It changes me and moves me to action, which can be so good, but can also be so exhausting. So, as I was sitting there, with mascara smeared under my eyes, and feeling a bit panicky wondering how we could tackle this issue of sex trafficking, as well as what God has called us to with street boys in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, God sweetly and gently breathed grace over me and connected the dots.

Justice issues are all intertwined. I think I understood that better than ever before after last night. Jim and I, and our non-profit, Mercy Branch Inc., have some big dreams for Ethiopia, and for the street kids there. The dreams are expansive and God-sized, and we are placing all of our confidence in God and partnering with Him in these dreams. Yes, we have been called to street boys - our hearts are for these specific children. We are em-burdened with a passion to see them grow into godly men and leaders and fathers and change their country - bringing justice to it - setting things right. But last night, I realized how our calling to these boys is part of a much bigger, broader story that God is writing - because again - justice issues are all intertwined. Many boys end up on the streets of Addis because they were stolen from the countryside and forced into labor. After years of abuse and labor, many of these boys, eventually find themselves abandoned to the streets. Other boys are forced onto the street for other reasons - sometimes by their families who are trapped in desperate poverty. The family forces the boy onto the street to work and bring back income to the family. Some boys are prostituted (most girls are). Sexual abuse and exploitation of these boys is a growing problem in Addis Ababa, because of their living situation. Street children are the primary victims of sexual assault in Addis Ababa. The magnitude and gravity of sexual assault on boys is increasing in the city at a frightening rate.

Part of Mercy Branch's dreams are to find at-risk families - families that are very close to pushing their children onto the street - and empower them to be able to sustainably meet their needs, disciple them into a relationship with Jesus, and foster a whole, healthy family relationship. This is street child prevention, and it is vital.  Another aspect is discipling street children back into their families, and when that is not possible discipling them into domestic adoption. Our hopes and dreams is that families can be preserved and that men can be discipled into godly leaders, husbands, and daddies who fight for justice - who understand the value of family and seek for wholeness in family. If more godly men stood up for this in Ethiopia, than the number of children in that country that are sex trafficked would drastically decrease, because the number of street children would drastically decrease. A country of godly men, who seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly with God could radically change a culture. But is starts small -with one generation - with a few families and a few boys. So, that is where we begin, knowing that God is the One Who connects the dots and fills in the gaps - He is the One setting things right, and we are humbled and so thankful to be invited to partner with Him in this.

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

    because he has anointed me

    to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives

    and recovering of sight to the blind,

    to set at liberty those who are oppressed,

19 

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.

Luke 4:18-19

To learn more about partnering with Mercy Branch Inc. in bringing justice to Ethiopia, please visit our website here.

.Your Questions Answered Part 1.

When people learn about the journey that our family is being taken on, their reactions are varied. Their questions are many. In the moment, I am not good at answering any of their questions. I don't think on my feet well, and although so much time, thought, prayer, and counsel has been put into our decision to move to Ethiopia, the questions still make me feel insecure and backed into a corner. And to be totally transparent, I have a tendency to become very defensive, because this is such a big deal for us - it is our passion, our heart, and we truly believe our life calling. God has been wooing us and shaping us for so many years to bring us to this exact place, and we have gone through so, so much to get to where we are today. (For the record, God and I are working on this defensive instinct - okay let's call it what it is -  pride issue - in my life.) For those who have not traveled this five year long road with us, when I step back and take a deep breath, I realize that their questions are mostly just curiosity and care for our family. So I am writing this post in an attempt to answer our most frequently asked questions in a forum where I am most comfortable - behind my screen.

1. Aren't you scared for your childrens' safety by moving them to a third world country?

Sometimes. But sometimes I am scared for their safety right here in the United States of America, too. God absolutely wants us to use wisdom and discernment, but He does not want us to live in the bondage of fear. We do not want to pass this fear down to our children either, as we believe it is such a crippling heritage. And to be blunt, safety really is just a big, fat illusion. We believe in a sovereign God - One who will protect us and keep us safe if that is what He desires for our lives, or One who will allow us to go through struggles if that is what will ultimately be good for our lives. No matter what, we know He goes before us and stands beside us every step of the way - we are never abandoned. It doesn't matter where our home is - we firmly believe that we can never leave the care of our Father in heaven, and because of our views regarding eternity - there is very little that we can really risk in this life. We know what our ultimate future holds, and for us there is no fear in that beautiful, eternal future. There is no use in trying to take the reigns of this one life, and control it by padding it with safety and comfort (we tried that at one point and finally found freedom in giving our life back to Jesus - it was never ours to begin with) The comfort and security and safety could all be lost in a moment regardless of where we live - there is absolutely no guarantee for tomorrow. There is not guarantee for my next breath. So we boldly step up and out with God, knowing that we are in perfect hands. We move to Ethiopia not to follow the American dream, common sense, or safety, but to follow the call of God on our lives. We are called to follow Jesus. If Jesus followed the way of safety, He never would have died on that cross.

I hope that my children learn courage from this journey, and that some day when God places a dream in their hearts for His Kingdom, that their first instinct is not fear, nor safety, nor comfort, but simply the desire to follow God in that dream,and to follow Him boldly to the ends of the earth, if that is where the dream takes them.

2. Your decision to move seems sudden. Why are you leaving so quickly? 

This answer is lengthy, as there are so many pieces to it. I will try to answer it the best that I can.

From an outsider's perspective, this choice probably does seem sudden and rash, but for even my long-term blog readers, I am guessing that you saw this move coming years ago. The truth is that God began growing this seed for missions when we were both children, but he really began intensely watering that seed back in 2009. When Jim and I were between ministries for a brief time in 2009, we casually tossed around the idea of missions, but because my heart could not fathom even moving a few cities away from my family, the yes was just not ready yet. I still had a lot of growing up to do, and Jim and I still had a lot of growing together to do. God had so much work to do in us, and so much to show us. We had grown pretty cozy in this life here, but slowly over those years, God was drawing us to finally say yes. He did it in such a perfect way - He knows us and loves us so well - so perfectly.  Jim and I both knew in our hearts, in January 2010, that God was calling our family to Ethiopia (we whispered the truth of it well into the dawn almost every night that we stayed in that beautiful country), but something happened when we returned home, because of fear of man, of our family's reactions, of leaving our comfort, we continually squelched that call - over and over and over, and we became stuck where we were. It was not until God brought us to a place that we were so miserable being stuck, knowing that we were not doing what God had created us to do, that we knew that we had to stop, be still, and listen to the dream that He had been fertilizing for so many years. It was a scary, beautiful time, and so SO much peace came crashing into our lives when we finally surrendered that yes last summer. I wonder if God was thinking, what took you two so long?! (Scroll back through my posts for the past 5 years, and the wrestling and pressing of the Holy Spirit for this decision to move to Ethiopia is startlingly clear. The angst is easily read in almost every post. I just didn't acknowledge it then - I was not ready.)

Last summer when God swung open wide the door to Ethiopia, we were to take over an existing Guest House for a family friend - this was "the bait" that God used to get us to finally agree to missions overseas. God knew that Jim always wanted to do business as missions, and that this would open up some big possibilities for our family to actually be able to do this. In order to do this, we were told at first, that we would need to be in country by October 2013! Now THAT would have been fast. Looking back we can now see that much of the occurrences of all the beginning time line was just for God to get us to finally give a firm yes and for us to actually step out of the boat. For the past few years we have been saying we would move to Ethiopia - it's easy to say that, but then we would just leave it all up in the air. We talked about maybe going after our children had grown or when Habi had graduated high school - everything was always theoretical and in the distant future - it was nice and safe left there. In my heart, I knew that without a firm departure date, I would get cold feet, and we would find any excuse to stay - whether it be fear of family, fear of what people would say, fear of failing, or fear of finances.

So God orchestrated things to allow us to give a firm yes. We were told that we needed to get to Ethiopia as quickly as possible in order to take over the Guest House, so we sold our home and most of our earthly possessions in order to do so. Things changed with our family's friends' Guest House, and while we will still be running one - it will be our own from scratch - so the time-line changed and stretched and we stretched with it. In praying and fasting about the timing, knowing that with our personalities we needed to have a targeted date, so as not to stay comfortable in limbo forever, we strongly felt the Spirit urging us to target this summer as a departure date. So we plod forward with that date - pushing and praying while continuing to be sensitive to the Spirit's leading. It is a tender, vulnerable place to be in. Again, I do believe that none of this was by accident. God knew that we needed a reason to actually act on His call, so He gave us the reason (the Guest House and a deadline of being in country), and we stepped out in faith. This is how God has historically worked in our family's life - because of our personalities when God moves big in our life - it is always fast - He is the one that intimately knows Jim and I and knows what we need. Some people believe that if it looks crazy, if it looks fast and impossible or dangerous even, then it can surely not be from God! For us, when it is fast and furious, and looks way too big for us to handle, that is when we know we are on the right path in following Jesus. Because Jim and I are usually planners who are methodical, careful, cautious, etc. when left to our own devices - we are not innately spontaneous, risk-takers, so when something happens like this, we can be certain that we are being led by the Spirit and not by our own flesh. And those who loves us, and have watched us go through moves of God in the past will agree that this is true of our lives.

It's messy. It is hard. I would prefer to take my time, make a checklist, weigh all of the risks, plan, research, analyze etc. And if I did all that, I know in my heart I would never, ever be ready to leave - I would stay stuck right here. This is right where God wants us - following Him when it looks crazy - pushing and jumping into the unknown - our feet are right smack in the middle of the Jordan - and there is no going back. The only real peace we have is about going, and so we continue to take steps to GO.

We also feel a tremendous urgency to go. It's not because we are running from something, or because we cannot serve God here - because we have and we do - it is simply because this call on our life is so real and so all consuming. Again, our life is just a vapor, and we are not guaranteed tomorrow - we get one shot with this one life - we believe that the great commission is a priority, and we are so excited to participate in the Kingdom work that God is doing in Ethiopia. We know that He doesn't need us - we are not rescuers - but we are so thrilled that we get to participate! We are anxious and eager to begin doing life in Ethiopia - our lives have been pointing us there and God has been preparing us for years. We are at the point where we are just feeling tremendous urgency to finally GO. It is so, so hard to put even into written words the divine compulsion that burns inside of our hearts day and night - it is a passion that is impossible to resist. And I have no doubt that this urgency and passion was placed inside of us by a God who is gently and clearly drawing us to Ethiopia. Our eyes are fixed on Ethiopia and following God there.

We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us. The night is coming, and then no one can work. John 9:4

I will continue in another post with more questions. In the meantime feel free to leave your question in comments or email me at amomentcherished(at)gmail(dot)com

.Why Orphan Care Must be More Than International Adoption.

Today marks three years since we brought Jamesy into our permanent care. Three years ago we landed once again on Ethiopian soil, and for the first time in months my heart slowed and beat out a new rhythm that felt like home. It was adoption that drew us to that country - that continent. God opened our eyes to orphan care, and we became obedient. But now after three years in, we realize that our eyes were just beginning to open back then. Our lives are always changing and growing - emerging as we learn and grow and do better when we finally know better. And we have learned a lot along the way. Where at one time, as we were learning and growing, you read this blog and you read passion and devotion for international adoption in my words. And some of you read dogma and pride and self-righteousness and forcefulness as well I am sure, and I apologize. Truly I am sorry. It is part of why this space has grown silent on these matters. I am a quiet girl who turns fiery when I am passionate about something. Writing is one of my only outlets and how I process what is in my head and my heart, and so this blog received the brunt of my growing pains.

Yes, I've been quiet for awhile now in my advocating for international adoption. I still love adoption. I still believe in it, value it, champion it, but I also have seen the other dark side of it, and now even question whether it is truly a top solution in orphan care. I still whole-heartedly believe that every Jesus follower is called to orphan care - nothing has changed that view. I still am very convicted by James 1:27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. I am an orphan advocate and a justice advocate, and I strongly believe that so was my Jesus. Something in my heart broke, though, when I began to understand that orphan care is way bigger and more complicated than I originally thought, and that to find the solution we really have to go so much deeper than international adoption - because the problem as a whole is just too big for that. 

I am going to be very careful here in what I write, because I have two precious children from Ethiopia who I am responsible to protect. However, after living with Jamesy for three years and with Habi for almost two, I can honestly say that in a perfect world, the world in which God originally intended us to live in, adoption was never His plan for these children. Adoption was never God's original plan. Adoption springs from great, horrifying tragedy that should never be. The suffering and overwhelming devastation that flows from all that these two children have lost was not part of God's original plan. I now firmly believe in my heart that God's original plan was for Jamesy and Habi to grow up in a loving, nurturing home with their birth parents - not with us. It is only because we live in a broken, messed up world that they are now in our family, and don't get me wrong, God can and does redeem the mess. But the mess leaves deep scars, and we experience that reality every single day in the brokenness, trauma, guilt, shame, and grief that accompanies our two boys.

Bringing these boys to America and into our family didn't automatically heal them or {flinch} fix them. It doesn't tackle the core. My heart is broken and bruised realizing the tragedy that is the fact that my sons cannot grow up inside their birth families. As much as it hurts to write this, because of how fiercely I love my boys and now see them as my 100% sons, if I could give them anything in this world, I would give them their birth families - whole, healthy, and thriving. But I can't give them that. So, we all do the best that we can with the grace of God pouring down over us. It was not God's first choice for these boys to grow up in our family. Please read carefully, this does not negate the beauty that has occurred inside our family because of adoption, the way the gospel has taken on life to us, or the amazing way in which God redeems, restores, and renews our boys. It doesn't take away from the amazing work that God did inside of my husband and I because of adoption. But knowing what we now know, without going into personal details, we have come to the conclusion that orphan care has to be less about international adoption - it should never start there - it should never be the first plan of action in tackling this need.

So God has been opening our eyes to family preservation. This is huge and hard and not as romantic or as flashy looking as adoption. I now think that when it comes to orphan care, and when we feel the call (as I believe all Jesus followers will), this should be our first priority - keeping families together, discipling them, nurturing them, sharing Jesus and the gospel with them, extending mercy wherever and whenever needed, helping them sustain a living and giving them the life-skills to pass on a hope and a future to the generations behind them. I believe that our number one priority in orphan care should be keeping families together - not advocating for international adoption. I have heard it said before, and now I get it and believe it, international adoption is just a bandaid slapped over a bleeding, oozing, gaping wound. 

We've got to do better. This is too big, too deep, too mammoth of a problem for a quick patch-job, and we've got to get to the core of the tragedy that ultimately places children in situations where they are orphaned, abandoned, living in institutions and waiting for international adoption. The core begins with family - birth families. So, let us start delving into orphan care right there - we have to.

Let me stop here and shout that I do not think that international adoptions should end, and I do not believe that they are wrong. So if you are reading this post and are inside an international adoption, please, please hear my heart - I am not anti-international adoption. Remember that I call two Ethiopian boys my sons. Don't hear me say anything like that. I just firmly believe that it is not and cannot be the the answer to orphan care - it is one small teeny-tiny bandaid fix - a necessary one at times, yes, but we must, must, must look beyond that and move deeper inside the root of the problem to find a real solution. Adoption is a teeny part of the solution, but it should not be the main or only focus. The core tragedy will never see justice, healing, or a sustainable solution if we only focus on that one minuscule piece. Yes, we need Jesus followers to respond to the tragedy that has forced children into the need for international adoption - absolutely these children need to grow up in loving families, BUT at the exact same time we need to be tackling the core and fighting for family preservation.

This is where God has opened our eyes and is drawing our hearts with Mercy Branch Inc. We know better now than we did four years ago, so we are begging God to help us to do better. We are obeying God's call to extend the mercy of Jesus to street kids - kids that are not viable for international adoption but still very much fall under the umbrella of orphan care. And we are learning more and more about the importance of working toward birth family reunification with these kids - because many of them do still have families. Yes. they have been abandoned by their families for so many devastating reasons (reasons that I whole-heartedly believe have solutions and can be stopped as the Church would step up and out), and most live as orphans. But stop for a moment and think what God could do if someone would step in and disciple these children and their families into beautiful, redemptive reunification. What would happen if someone even stepped into a family's life and helped prevent that family from feeling as if their only choice was to abandon their child to the street? How might a generation in Ethiopia be changed by this? And for those kids who have no remaining family or where reunification is impossible and international adoption is just not viable, what then? What if godly, whole Ethiopian families stepped in and brought these children in as their own sons or daughters in domestic adoption? What if these children, who undergo the tragedy of losing their birth family, could still remain inside their continent, country, city, culture? Would the trauma scars not run quite so deep if they were not removed from every single thing that they know?

We don't have all of the answers. We do not want to pretend to be an authority on this. We are just beginning this journey of asking God how He wants us to attack the core. We are just beginning to see how much bigger the solution is than international adoption. We will probably make mistakes along the way, but we have to try to tackle this from the inside out. We need to be part of the fore-runners in fighting the core tragedy that causes the need for international adoption. We hope that our ministry with Mercy Branch Inc. will be a small part in that. We are determined to pour our lives into helping birth families stay together and giving them tools to raise their children well, and when that doesn't work fostering domestic adoption, so these children can stay where they are. Ethiopia needs them - its future depends on a generation of godly men and women that are also involved in tackling the core tragedy.

We realize, even this, is a drop in the bucket, and we are praying to keep our hearts open and sensitive to the Spirit's leading. But this is the direction our hearts are beating. Here is a small taste of that heart beat.

.Raising Support.

Soon after our family finally surrendered to moving to Addis Ababa Ethiopia to run a Guest House in order to ultimately serve street children, reality hit us. 

With pounding hearts, we came to the quick realization that we could not go until we had first raised enough financial support. 

We knew we would need to raise enough support to move to Ethiopia, settle and establish our family, rent and start the guest house, and survive until the guest house was providing enough income to sustain us. This was daunting, and induced some very panic-filled moments.

Come read the rest here, and see what God has done!

I hope to be back to regular blogging soon. I have so many post partially drafted, but our life is a whirlwind right now. Thanks for your grace!

We are still selling our super awesome shirts! There is a large variety of styles and colors! Come check out our store if you have not yet done so.

.We Need You: Love Mercy Project.

There is something powerful about collaboration, community, a village - it's people joined together for one purpose. When God laid it on our hearts to move our family to serve in Ethiopia, we knew that we could not do it alone. Through the processes of bringing our boys home, we learned very quickly that God uses the vulnerability and transparency of our needs in order to build up the body of Christ. We were hesitant to always share our needs,  but every single time that we did, God blessed us in huge ways. We constantly got feedback from people that they felt like they were really part of something eternal when they were given the opportunity and invitation to give. That stuck with me. I still do not quite understand it, and I still squirm about openly sharing our needs. It can be humiliating to lay it all out there, but God continually nudges us to do just that. He asks us to simply share, and then watch Him bring in fellow Kingdom builders to partner with us.

For the past three days we have been fasting and praying about our needs as Mercy Branch Inc. - specifically the financial hurdles we have to jump in order to make the big move in June happen. I went in to this reluctantly, heavy-hearted over the thought of baring our needs again. I wished to be on the giving end instead of the receiving end. But I began to realize how selfish and prideful I was being - wanting to do this on my own - when God has much bigger plans. I don't desire for Mercy Branch to be about my family and what we can do, but that is exactly what would happen if we were not transparent in inviting people in to partner with us. I wrestled with the fact that our need is great, and that we are just small, ordinary, plain people. We aren't flashy. We aren't polished. There are way better writers out there who could move people with eloquent words, better speakers who could garner instant donations, fancier websites which could attract thousands of people, professional promoters, bigger ministries with lots of leaders, more beautiful families, louder voices, etc. Our inadequacies and our normalness is pervasive, but it doesn't diminish the call, or let us off the hook. And I realize we are in good company when I notice the weak people that God used in the Bible. Perhaps it is because of our smallness that God chose us. God's bigness will be greatly magnified in our weakness. When He accomplishes this, nobody will think that we did it on our own - because they all know that we are just not capable of that. And I guess that is exactly where God wants us - groveling at His feet, realizing we cannot do this alone, reaching out to our brothers and sisters and asking for the help that we need. It is there in community that we find Jesus.

While I have often wished for an anonymous large donation to land in our mailbox so that we can neatly be on our way, I realize that this is not how God typically works in our life. God is so good at wisely nudging ordinary, simple people with a few dollars a month to share in our journey. He does this little by little, small step by small step - nothing typically grandiose with us - keeping us on our knees at His feet through the process. It seems as if that is how He desires to accomplish meeting our needs this time as well. I trust Him. I don't always like the posture He requests of me, but I trust Him in this.

So I am asking you for something big. I am asking you to partner with our family - some of you for the second or third time - as you have already partnered in the journey with our boys. It's a big ask, and it humbles me to know that people will sacrifice for my family. But I am asking, and I am praying that you see my heart in this ask. Will you hop on over to our website and learn about what our plans are in Ethiopia? Pray about whether or not this is something that you can get behind. We need your prayers and your relationship and yes, we need your dollars - even just a few dollars a month when put together with others few dollars a month, will help meet our needs {donations are tax-deductable}. This month we are launching our Love Mercy Project, and we have set some God-sized goals for February. Our board has been praying through this project and goals and so have we. We are anticipating God doing something amazing this month! When the goals are met, we will be over 50% of the way funded to move to Ethiopia! People can partner with us for any monthly dollar amount they desire, but for this month when someone chooses to become a new monthly sponsor at $30/month (or more) we will thank them with a free Mercy Branch tee-shirt! (and when you wear your tee shirt, you are sharing in our story) We also were blessed with a generous matching gift donor, so for this month when someone donates any dollar amount into our one-time need, the donation will automatically get matched - up to $5k!

We really need you. We need the people that God is writing into this story - His story. We need your voice, your prayers, your encouragement, your money, your love - we need you. Because the truth is that this will only work in community - that has always been God's desire when building the Kingdom. Some He has chosen to go and some to send, but neither is more important than the other. Both are needed, both are beautifully linked side-by-side, as we all press toward the same goal with our eyes always fixed on our King. He never asked us to do it on our own - it's impossible. We cannot go without you. There is something beautiful that happens when God's people join together to bring the mercy of Jesus to a broken world - it changes US.

Come join our Love Mercy project today, and be part of something bigger than all of us put together. The pages of this story are just waiting to be inked with your life. There is space for you.

.A brief Update and a {Giveaway}.

Many of you have reached out to me and asked how progress is going with our non-profit Mercy Branch and our impending move to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. It is always so encouraging when people show that they really care and are invested with us. Things are going well. We SOLD our house in December, and that was a huge weight lifted off of our shoulders. My sister and her husband are in the process of selling about 90% of our belongings.

We are continuing to raise support - we need monthly supporters - people who commit to a certain amount of money designated to Mercy Branch every month. We also need a one-time lump sum that will cover our initial expenses to get to Ethiopia and settle in. It is a lot, but it is NOT too much for God. And we are seeing that! It is exciting to watch Him work and bring in the exact people He has hand-picked to join us in this adventure. If you are interested in learning more, please peruse our website. If God lays it on your heart, we would absolutely love to have you partner with us as a monthly sponsor or one-time donor All donations are tax-deductible. We feel so blessed to be building the Kingdom with people like you! And as always, we need, need, need your prayer support!

And now I would like to share with you a giveaway!! We are selling super cool Mercy Branch Inc shirts designed and set up for us by two of our very talented board members. And we are also giving one of the shirts away! There is a variety of styles, colors, and sizes to choose from, and I would love, love, love for one of my faithful blog readers to be the winner! Head over here to read the details and enter the giveaway!

I {think} this might be one of my favorite shirts that we are selling! Check out all of the great styles and colors (we even have some youth sizes!).

.Henok.

His shivers racked his rail thin body, his teeth violently chattering against one another, causing his head to pound and his jaw to ache. Henok curled his small body tighter to the body of his best friend, Abal, who slept closest to him, feeling the trembling from his friend’s body as well. He pulled at his tattered clothing trying, without success, to make them cover more of him. If he could just get warm then maybe he could sleep. Bodies lined either side of the street, and the concentrated smell of urine was strong. Henok knew that one of the younger boys sleeping near him must have peed, not wanting to wander from the safety of sleeping in a group. Even at nine years old, Henok would do the same and allow the morning sun to dry his wet pants. The humiliation of wet pants was better than the horrible things he knew could happen to him away from the group of boys he slept with.

Men shouted in the streets, many were drunk or high on chat. Their voices were loud and frightening. Sometimes the men wandered near the group of his friends and loomed over top of them, kicking them and rummaging through their belongings. Henok had grown wise, and he would slit the collar of his shirt and stuff anything small and precious to him in the folds of the collar. He wasn’t so lucky with shoes, and he had had more than one pair stolen off of his feet at night. Whenever the men came, Henok would close his eyes tightly and pray or count until they would stumble away. He curled his aching, dry, mud crusted feet in closer to his body, rocking a bit, squeezing his eyes shut and wishing for the morning sun to hurry and make its arrival. He heard a child crying out in fear, or hunger, or both. Henok remembered how he used to cry himself to sleep every night when he was first forced to the streets by his mother’s new husband. He missed his mama, and her smile, and her shiro and injera......

To read the rest head on over here, to our Mercy Branch inc. blog, where I wrote today.

.Doing it Scared.

It comes at night time, when I am exhausted from the day behind me, and my head meets my pillow. It clutches my heart and plays with my head, causing my mind to imagine and play scenarios over and over - experiences that have never even happened. It curls its fingers around me squeezing out truth and paralyzing me with lies. I know they are lies, and yet my heart races wildly against my chest. It lurks in the shadows of my heart, crouched ready to attack.

You're not capable.

You're not qualified.

This is foolish.

It's impossible.

My nighttime visitor is fear. He has visited before, as unwelcome as he is now. The lies were different, but the method was the same. I would lay in bed and grow anxious about a baby boy in Ethiopia who we had chosen to bring into our family. I was fearful because he was blind and that was just the beginning of his special needs. Fear would strangle me with lies about my inadequacy to raise a special needs child. I would worry about my other children and how they would be impacted by this life change.

But I didn't wait until the fear dissipated, because, honestly, it didn't. It tagged along with me all the way on that long plane ride to Ethiopia. It clawed at my dreams in Addis, and it piggybacked its way home again. 

But I did it. Fear gripped me, but I didn't let it control me. I brought home a special needs son, and made him mine. I did it scared. Eventually, the fear did dissipate, but it took me stepping out and obeying God through the fear for it to fade away.

And then fear crept back when we prayed and waited for a boy from the streets of Addis to come home. The lies were suffocating. I feared crazy things, because we were bringing a teenager home who had such a broken, un-real past. He had seen and experienced things as a child, that I, as an adult, could not even fathom. At night, my mind would tell me crazy things - like hide all of the knives in the house before he comes home, sleep with the bedroom doors locked, etc. My nights were consumed with lies and panic and little sleep.

But again, I did what I was asked to do, with trembling hands and a fearful heart. I didn't let fear control my actions. I felt the fear - every bit of it, but I did it anyway. I did it scared.

It's the same thing now. The lies come fast and furious each night. Lies about fundraising to move to Ethiopia - how the money will not come, how people are already tired of us, how we are asking too much, lies about my children - how they will miss out on so much here in America and how this could ruin the rest of their lives, about my inadequacy and being uncomfortable. I fear failure and hardship and missing out on things that I have taken for granted until now - like vibrant autumn leaves, and beautiful white winters, like beach days and the convenience of fast food, like family get togethers, and grandparents, like traditions and community with people that speak my language.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9 

I admit my fears. They are real and raw and meet me every night. At this point in my journey, I am not past the fears, but what I am learning is that sometimes I need the courage to just push through anyway and do it scared. I know my God is with me - even in the fear.

So that's what I'm doing. I'm doing it scared. And raising my babies to do the same.

.Vision Video.

I wanted to share with you our vision video for Mercy branch Inc. This was quite the process to put together. We are NOT professionals, and I am the most awkward human being. Haha, but seriously....

Hopefully, this video gives people a glimpse of our heart and points to Jesus, regardless of our inadequacies.

Please feel free to share this with your circles of influence, friends, and on social media. We would be so grateful.

Today, we launch into out 50fifty50 campaign! We are nervous, because we are asking God for something so huge, but we are excited to watch Him work. We are believing that He is about to do some great things for HIS glory! We are praying that in the next 50 days, God would bring us 50 people who would commit to giving $50/month to the ministry of Mercy Branch Inc. To learn more, please go here.



And for your pure amusement, here is an outtake from our vision video. I had no idea the camera was rolling, and Jim got a huge kick out of my embarrassment!

We are so thankful for all of the support and encouragement that we have recieved from you already. We are currently at 5% of our one time need for travel and moving! We serve a big God!

.An Invitation.

I want to invite you to link arms with my family and I and join in a story that is so much bigger than us. I want to extend an invitation to you to partner with us in our ministry in Ethiopia. Let me be clear, in order to follow Jesus, one does not have to have a passport. We are called to go, but not because we are any more special or spiritual than the family that is called to stay here. I want to apologize if that is the message that I have communicated here. That has truly not been my intention. It has been a long five years of growth for me, and it has taken me awhile to learn that we all must follow Jesus wherever it is He calls us, however it is He asks us. All Kingdom work is essential, and following Jesus with our whole being can happen anywhere.

Having said that, I also believe that all Kingdom work is collaborative and cannot be done in isolation. Our family needs you. We need you to invest in our story and join it. God has clearly called our family to move across the ocean to Ethiopia, and we believe just as much that He is calling other families to stay here and to pray for us - to stand in the gap and fight for the souls of these street children - and to sacrifice financially for them -for us to go to them. We are all needed in this story. It is how God will bring Himself the glory. It is not about our family. It is about Jesus and His fame!

It is humbling and embarrassing for me to be back in this place - asking sisters and brothers for money. I cannot even tell you how much my flesh hates this. HATES it. It seems as if God keeps pushing us to places beyond ourselves where we have to stoop ourselves and ask for help. I do this nervously, almost crouching in defensiveness, weary of judgment from others.This is pride, and I confess it. It is also a lack of trust in my God. But I know that I know that I know that God is calling us to this, and that we cannot do it alone. I know that He is already putting a desire in hearts of His people to partner with us. And that is so mind blowing. Our God is so big and creative, and He has the perfect plan for this to all fall into place.

So I am swallowing down my biting pride, and I am just coming out and sending you an invitation to help us. We have a need that we have to reach in order to move to Ethiopia, and we cannot do it without you. Would you consider joining this story? Would you consider sacrificing for our family in one or some of the following ways?

• Pray. I know, I know it sounds obvious, but we need people holding our arms up in prayer. Would you commit to praying specifically for the finances that we need to launch Mercy Branch Inc. and move our family to Ethiopia by January 2014?
• Give. We need financial partners. We need monthly supporters committed to giving a set amount every month until our guest house is sustainable, and we need one time donations to help us with our move and getting established in Ethiopia. All gifts are tax-deductible pending our 501(c)3 clearance.
• Share. Maybe you are just not in a financial position to give. We get that. We really do. But maybe you know of someone who has a heart for missions and a little change to spare.Would you please invest in us by sharing about our ministry and needs on social media, your friends, your spheres of influence etc., or connecting us with your faith family?

To learn more about our ministry and needs go here, or to make a secure donation, please go here.

We will also be launching a 50fifty50 campaign starting this Thursday. To learn about this, please go here.

{deep breath} Okay, we have swallowed our pride and asked,and now we leave this need up to God believing He can do far more than we could ever imagine or think! (Ephesians 3:20) Will you believe with us?

Thank you so much in advance. Thank you for continually encouraging our family, for your grace and mercy and love for us. If you choose to partner with us in one of the three ways above, please leave me a comment and let me know. I would love to be able to personally thank you.

.Noonday Collection Give-Away.

Would you like to win a $50 gift card from the AMAZING Noonday collection?! You will be helping my husband and I out in the process by raising awareness for Mercy Branch Inc in order for us to be able to get to Ethiopia and serve street children in order to advance the Kingdom.

All you have to do is go to our Mercy Branch Inc facebook page here, and "like" it. That's it! If you do that then your name is entered into a drawing to win the $50 gift card.

The only catch is that in order to give one gift card away, we have to reach 1000 likes by THIS Saturday, September 14th and noon est. We are currently a bit short of 500 likes, so we need you to like our page and then would you share about us (and the give-away) on your social media sites, please? Pretty please? it would be so sad to not be able to give this gift card away.  Thank you so much! I hope one of my bloggy readers WINS! You guys rock!

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.My Heart This Morning.

I am sitting here sipping hot, Ethiopian coffee this morning. My house is quiet, for the moment, and I wanted to share a bit of my heart with you. A lot of my dreams are taking place in Africa now. I wake up, and as the dream fades into morning reality I am disappointed. I will be there soon, though, so for now I am trying to live in the here and now. I know that to so many people reading here, it may seem as if our decision to move to Ethiopia to serve Jesus was rash. I get how it could seem like that on the surface. There is so much back story that is written into this decision. When Jim took his vision trip to Ethiopia in October of 2011, the Spirit was calling us to surrender even then. Jim and I skyped a few times during that trip, and we both felt convicted that we were supposed to serve in Ethiopia. I remember telling my sister that we would move to Ethiopia, and telling my precious friend, Bethany. (Bethany's husband went with us on our mission trip to Ethiopia last year.) Jim saw the need differently than we had on our adoption trip, and he shared animatedly with me what he saw and learned. I think it was the first time since learning about the orphan crises and being led to adopt that we realized that adoption was just a minuscule part of the answer to the problem. We realized we could do more, and that it might look different than another adoption.

We had been burdened for the boys living alone on the streets of Addis since we met our son, Habi. But Jim's trip really solidified that burden and opened our eyes to other truths. We learned that many (although not all) of the boys still had living families, and that they had either been kicked out of their home or had run away. This was very much ingrained in the culture. Instead of facing problems, fears, differences, a person would run. As a mommy, this crushed me thinking of the families that were being senselessly destroyed. Reunification became near to our heart. Families needed to be reunited when they could be and discipled into how to live as a whole, healthy family. The remainder of the boys needed discipleship as well. One thing that Jim noticed was that women kept stepping up to help these children, and while children absolutely do need the nurturing that can only come from a woman, these boys desperately need to be discipled and mentored into how to be a man - something that really needs to come from a man. So many of these boys would grow up begging on the street, and while that life is excruciatingly hard, it becomes in some strange way comfortable in the lack of responsibility required of them and nearly impossible to escape. Their senses and reasoning are dulled by the huffing of glue, smoking of chat, and the alcohol that is pervasive and readily available to even the youngest boys that call the street home. These boys are exactly where the enemy wants them. So with no education, no male role models to see what it is to live as a man and work as a man, to have integrity and wisdom, steady employment, ambition and dreams, and love for a family, these boys grow up into adults with no purpose and aimlessly wander the streets begging. And as they themselves become fathers the cycle continues. And adoption isn't the answer to this problem. We knew in our hearts, even back in October of 2011, that we had to go to these boys, and live in their mess.

I remember feeling really excited about this call, and really scared. The scariest part about moving my family to Africa was telling my parents. I thought it would kill them for us to "take their grandchildren away". I knew the verses like Luke 14:26. I knew that Jesus sometimes called His disciples to move away from family, but it was still scary. So I wrote to a woman living in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. She and her family had newly started a ministry, and were pretty fresh to the field. She had a few children, so I thought she would understand my nervousness. I told her how Jim and I were feeling the Spirit call, and that I would be really surprised if we did not move our family to Addis. However, I also wrote that I was nervous about our familys' reaction and sad to take the grandchildren from them. I asked her how they had dealt with this, and asked for any wisdom she might have.

Now to be fair, this poor woman was probably inundated with messages, and she was busy on the field trying to get their new ministry off of the ground. But her response made me feel chastised and foolish. She said something to the affect that she did not really understand my question, because if God was calling us to Ethiopia then nothing else should matter. Her answer was so spiritual. I remember my face burning in embarrassment, and I thought to myself she is the kind of woman that God calls to the mission field, not nervous, wavering, cautious women like me. And for a long time afterward, I questioned the call, and I made excuses as to why the Spirit really didn't want us to move.

I understand now, that for me it had to be a process. I guess I am one of the slower ones. I needed time and space. I needed God to graciously erase my fears and inadequate feelings, and I understand now that this really is God's perfect time. He is sovereign, and He used even that woman's response to get me to where I am today. I am really thankful for such a patient and loving Daddy in heaven.

Jim and I have been spending much time preparing our hearts and family for the move, and working on our future ministry. We are starting a 501c3, which we are praying is established soon. It used to be that missionaries would raise the majority of their support through an agency via visiting churches around the country and sharing their mission. While some still do this, many are now using social media in order to reach a broader audience with their vision. Our family will probably travel to a few local churches, but we are praying to gather the majority of our support through social media. In some ways this is hard for me. I don't care for self-promotion and marketing, and this feels very much like both. However, I know that there is no way that Jim and I can accomplish this call in isolation. I know that is not how God intended the body to work. I know that He has already prepared people's hearts to become burdened for our ministry, and that their role may be financial or to be a prayer warrior - they will be the backbone of what we do. It is humbling to know that we are being placed in a position, once again, where we stand in need. Once again we are on the receiving end. Having not grown up that way, I struggle with this, but I have also been so blessed by people's earnest sacrifices for us on behalf of the kingdom.

So I guess that I write all of this to say that we need you. We are not yet capable of accepting financial gifts, but even now we need your prayers. If our mission is not bathed in prayer, it will fail. We need you to be invested in this journey with us, and to share about it. Jim and I have been working on  our website, and we would love to have you browse it and give us feedback (it is right now being tweaked a little more by a web designer friend). Please feel free to ask questions. We will answer them the best we know how. Will you please also consider liking our page on facebook here, and then would you share it in your social media? The more people that know about our ministry, the better. Thank you dear friends. Thank you for continuing to read here, and for the grace that you extend to me.