.How To Give Kids a Heart for the Nations.

This was taken on our first trip to Ethiopia for court. The girl in the middle is the daughter of our adoption friends whom we traveled with. I learned so much from watching these older children on the trip, and I saw so many beautiful character traits in them, that I hope my children also have at that age. Thank you Jennifer for permission to post this photo. It is forever a favorite of mine!


It's probably no secret that God has burdened my heart for missions and spreading the gospel internationally. In a way this is a new burden for me. There was something about walking through the process of adoption and getting such a unique and beautiful portrait of the gospel in that journey. I just want to share that with the world. I feel like I better understand the heart of God, His people, and His plan for the world now that I have walked this road. I see God more vividly now - perhaps He was a little one dimensional before. Adoption opened my eyes to so much and opened my heart to the world around me - not just the one I live in. And yet, it's not all a new desire, when I was a little girl, I soaked up missionary stories, and when I was a freshman in college I seriously considered teaching in the Ivory Coast. (I guess my heart knew even then that Africa would become very special to me.) I even remember emailing my parents about this desire. I may have scared them a bit! And honestly what held me back? Fear. Fear of the unknown. I didn't really know that much about the world or the needs of the world or even God's love for the world. I knew about my backyard, but not much beyond that. That was for other people, not someone so ordinary and timid as me.

But I want something different for my children.

I want to raise my children with a heart for the nations. I desire for my children to grow up and give up their entire lives for the gospel. I want them to love people - all kinds of people, not just the ones that look like them. I want them to really know that every human being is fashioned in the very image of God. I want that to impact the way they interact and show Jesus' love to people. My prayer is that they would understand that every person that they come in contact with has a soul and will one day be in eternal paradise or eternal damnation, and I want that to matter to them. I even pray that God would use them internationally. Although God may have bigger and better plans, I would love for my Jamesy to grow up to love and serve Jesus and go back to Ethiopia to serve his birth country, in order to advance the gospel and bring glory to our God. Writing that gives me goosebumps. Ultimately I want all of my children to give their lives to serving others in sharing the gospel and to see that there is more to life as we know it here in America. In being burdened with this desire, I am trying to intentionally foster a heart for the nations in my children. Here are a few of the ways our family is doing this.

• We decorate with maps and globes and talk about the places we see. Whenever we learn about a new country or people group, we point it out on the maps.

• We also decorate with art that is not all "American" in nature.

• We intentionally choose books that have all kinds of characters from all over the world, not just blue-eyed, blond-haired Americans.

This book is fantastic for littles! Check it out here!

• We talk about the world and the needs in our world right now in an age-appropriate way. For example Cadi and Scotty both know about the famine in the horn of Africa, and the persecution that Christians in China face if they are exposed. (Cadi has a HUGE heart for China. She has prayed for a Chinese sister for years. I truly see God molding something in her for the people of China.)
• We cook and eat a variety of ethnic foods. This alone has opened our eyes (and expanded our taste buds) to cultures and people all over the world!

• We pray together for other countries. A really great book for this is Window On the World. It gives specific needs to pray for for various countries. I think it is wonderful beginning tool to open children's eyes to the world.
• We sponsor a Compassion child, and we pray for her every day together, as well as our first sponsor child, whom we lost. We have studied their countries, their food, and their dress. The children draw, write, and color pictures for our child. They talk about her as if she is part of our family, and truly she is.
• We bring missional living into our homeschooling by studying what God says about the nations and instilling a passion for the lost and weaving that into as many subjects as possible. The more we understand God, the more we can make Him known to others.

These are just a few ways that we try to foster a heart for the nations in our kids, and we are in the early stages of all of this with children six and under. I am sure God will continue to grow us in this area as our children grow and give us fresh ideas and fresh eyes for His world. We also plan on getting the children passports and letting them experience mission trips first hand. Even children can be used around the world to advance God's kingdom!


Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  Matthew 28:18-20

.How to {Really} Help Adoptive Parents.

I have been thinking about this a lot.

I will write about Jamesy's appointments soon (probably tomorrow). I am still processing everything that was thrown at us. Overall we walked away at peace and feeling very positive - praise God! Your prayers were felt and very much needed (and are still needed but more on why to come).

So you have friends who adopted or people in your church who adopted and you want to help? What do you do? I have a few ideas. {wink}

Pray for the family. {Really} pray. Ask the family specifically what battles need to be prayed over, because there are battles, real, hard, scary at times, battles. Then let the family know that you are praying for them, for the redemption in their child, for the siblings who are experiencing huge changes in their world, for healing, for the unification of their family. Be specific rather than just saying I'm praying for you. Prayer will be honey to their hurting hearts.

Celebrate with the family. Adopting a child is just as special as birthing a child, so act like it. Send congratulatory cards, buy a small gift for the child if you would like, do whatever it is that you would do to show any other family that was adding to their home, that you get how special the life of this child is to their family.

Cook meals for the family - especially when they first bring their new child home. It's hard to even explain what those first few weeks and months are like - especially if jet-lag is in the mix.. It is not like bringing a birth child home. It's just not. It's normal for adopted (especially internationally adopted) children to have major sleep issues - which brings about very little sleep for the parents. And many of these children are not newborns who sleep during the day giving their parents that much needed reprieve. A fresh, hot, thought-out meal could mean the world to a family hanging by a thread. Even a lukewarm, day old casserole would be a welcome sight on most days.

If the family is not cocooning or done cocooning invite them over for dinner, for normalcy. Let them see that you support them and that you are in the whole process with them, you are fighting beside them. And if the dinner is not normal, because things seldom are right after adoption, be okay with that, roll with that, merge into the family's new rhythm. If the family seems a bit dysfunctional, a bit more needy, just love them all. Just empathize as you can. Just smile and hug them.

If the family is working on attachment and therefore needing to do things that look different and odd - especially in the church setting, then welcome them, acknowledge them and their child, give them grace when their child squeals for the umpteenth time in the middle of the church service. Support the attachment process. Shoot a stressed out dad or mom a reassuring smile.

Unless you have adopted, or deal with counseling severely traumatized children, or are a social worker and have dealt with adoption, don't offer parenting advice. And don't judge when parenting is way different then what you did with your birth children. Grace.

Invite the siblings over for a play date. Their world has completely shifted, and ostracizing them just makes everything even more confusing. Play dates in the adopted families home will probably be sparse for awhile as there is no guarantee how any given day will play out, but the siblings still need to interact with their friends. And it is very awkward for an adoptive family to have to invite their children over to your home. They probably won't do it. Or take school age children to school and pick them up again, or take them for ice cream, or to the park. Let the parents spend a few moments alone with their new child without feeling guilt for neglecting the siblings.

Help with yard work. Pull weeds, mow the lawn, shovel the driveway. Maybe even offer to wash a load of laundry. All of these things distract from the intricate bonding process, that is so vital the first few months and even year, that is happening inside of the home.

Be a friend. A genuine friend. Use the phone. Check in on the family. Send a card. Listen. Really, really listen to the struggles, the battles, and ask good questions that show you understand and are really invested right along with the family. Don't expect everything to be normal and rainbows and roses, and be okay with that. Sneak the mom or the dad out for coffee or a walk - just a moment to get away, to breathe, to laugh together, to celebrate the victories, and cry over the battles that remain. Just be there. Having someone who will listen and not judge is an amazing gift. The neediness will not last forever.

Allow the family to freely express frustration, discouragement, hurts, fears. Give the same grace you would give parents of newborn birth children. Yes, adoptive parents chose this path, but it doesn't mean it will be easy, or that they need to pretend it is.

Even if you don't get adoption, if you don't get what the family is going through - smile anyway and give the family a hug. Kindness goes a long, long way. And maybe fake it until you make it. The family probably already knows you don't get it. Actions are loud, but faking it just may show the family that you are at least trying.

I am sure there are many others that can be added to this, so feel free to add them in the comments.

PS the photo from the last post was fruitflies, and my homemade trap. Ick.

.Graceful Parenting.

Parenting is a huge undertaking. It does matter who I am today, because who I am today is molding who my children will be tomorrow.

Introducing Jamesy into our home has made me stop and think about so many things. One is our approach to parenting and discipline. We had to really revisit the way we discipline because of the circumstances that surround the first 15 months of Jamesy's life. I remember when our social worker first talked to us about our discipline plan of action and philosophy of discipline with Jamesy, and how it may need to look very different from our other two children. I didn't necessarily get it then, but I do now. Even my parenting has taken a turn that I did not predict.

I have some type A tendencies, not completely that is for sure, but I definitely strive on structure and controlling my environment and circumstances. If I can structure and control my life then I can actually present more like a type B personality - calm, patient, relaxed, etc. When things get out of control for me then I present more and more like a type A personality. I Baby-wised my first two children for this very reason. I needed (or thought anyway) that they had to be on a rigorous schedule and had to be sleep and feeding trained in order that I may feel as if I had some kind of control. And it appeared to work - at least I felt in control, my children slept beautifully, followed a schedule, and were great babies.

This need for control also crept into discipline. I leaned far more towards the disciplinarian, behavior modification, and sin management kind of way of raising my children. Strict discipline fit nicely into my need for things to be controlled and my desire for my children to obey me immediately. I like things black and white. Here is a rule - follow it or receive the consequence. Of course I loved my children, and I really was concerned for their hearts. But I also really thought enforcing strict discipline was the way to do it. I ran a tight ship in my classroom when I taught school, and I carried that into my home. I have always been a rule follower, and this seemed important in raising my children.

But after bringing Jamesy home, something wasn't feeling all that right. It started with little things, like Jamesy's need to be rocked and cuddled to sleep. It made me reconsider the way I had sleep-trained my first two and wonder at what I had possibly missed out on with them. Rocking Jamesy has made for some of the sweetest moments that I have encountered with my littlest boy. I never sat and watched my other two children's eye lids grow droopy and heavy or received the sleepy, silly grins from them as they fell off into slumber. It has been a precious gift, and honestly I do not want the rocking to end!

Along with structure I crave consistency. I desire it so much so that it is hard for me to admit when things need to be changed in my life or in my home. I do not want to constantly have a new discipline plan or philosophy, and we pretty much haven't budged since Cadi was born. But God has been breaking my heart in this area of parenting and discipline and showing me a new way - a better way. It's the way that He fathers me - with grace and mercy. Two areas severely lacking here. I am recognizing that, admitting it, and praying for God to break me in this area. Jim is in this with me (although I will be the first to admit he is far more gracious in his discipline than I have ever been), and this summer we are reading together and aloud Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel. We are only in a few chapters right now.

We probably will not agree with everything Dr. Tim Kimmel shares - he is human after all, so we will not blindly accept his ideas, but we will filter everything we read through the Bible and make changes that we need to make. I can already tell that our philosophy of discipline is getting rocked and changing, and I am glad. I am slowly learning that it is not all about rules.

Our children need to be raised by parents who treat them the way Christ treats us as parents. p.97

So this summer I am relearning how to parent, and I am thankful for the grace He has given me - even in this.
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.This Moment.

God has placed a burning passion in my heart for orphans, but I have not forgotten my other burning passion....



to be a godly mommy to the ones that are here now in my home.

I adore staying at home day in and day out while molding these little lives.



Oh sure, I am exhausted most everyday. It is a full-time, hands-on, heart-engaged job - actually ministry.

Yes, there are moments when it is hard. Really hard.



But even the hard moments are worth it.

And I am not in this alone. My steps are daily guided by my heavenly father, and Jim is beside me in this parenting journey. We are a team.



My heart skips a beat to realize in a little over a year (probably) another baby will be in these photos.



Although she is anything but a baby now. She is growing up so fast. Last night her daddy talked to her about her future Prince Charming and my throat was thick with a lump. She is so beautiful - inside and out.



We have all slept together the past two nights. Normally I am not for this, but my children have been hot. We have a window AC in our room. Plus to be honest, I just really missed my children while we were away. It has been kind of fun waking up to Scotty's voice right next to the bed in the morning.



I know I have talked a lot about the future lately, but I am so thankful for this moment, too. I guess my heart is just hurting so much for all of the children that will never experience this.

If you are looking for a really easy way to support us in our adoption, would you consider signing up for swagbucks if you have not already jumped on the bandwagon? I am using all of my bucks to get paypal cash, and that goes straight into our adoption fund. Just click here and pass this along, too!

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.Boys to Men.

How do parents raise a boy to be a man?



Not just a man, but a godly man. A man after God's own heart. A man who is a biblical leader in his home and his world. A man who loves his wife and prioritizes his family. A sensitive but tough man. A man with good work ethics and a man that knows how to relax.

I have been pondering questions like this for awhile now.

And I do not have the answers.

I have been a mommy to a little boy for just seventeen months. He is the joy of my heart. There is something so very special about my little Scotty. He had me the first time I laid eyes on his sonogram picture - the one labeled "boy!". For as long as I can remember I had always wanted a boy of my own, but now that I have one, I feel so very....



inadequate.

What a huge responsibility God has given me to be the mother of a BOY. Oh, I know it really is not any more serious than being a mother to a girl, but it is much more intimidating to me. I feel as if my chances of messing up are greater, and that the stakes are higher with Scotty. I am raising him to be a man - to be a provider and a leader to his family. To be an example of His heavenly Father to his children and an example of Christ to his bride. Heavy stuff.



I don't know too much about boys. I have one sister and one brother, but my brother is eight years behind me. He was just a child when I went away to college. I am married to a man who was once a boy, so I have that, too. {grin} But really beyond that I am just learning as I go, I suppose.

How does a mommy, this mommy specifically, not smother her sweet boy? How do I hold on just the right amount?

Scotty is sensitive and tender and timid. I was talking to my sister about this recently. I told her that even in my womb, Scotty was more tender. His kicks and rolls were gentler. Scotty is much snugglier than Cadi was, much needier, too. He loves to be held. I should have made him a sling baby. I missed out, because I was too busy worrying about getting him on a schedule and training him. He is a beautifully sleep trained and scheduled baby, but what I wouldn't give for a few moments of his little infant body snuggled and slung into mine. (I've got to remember that for the next one!) I coddle Scotty more than I did Cadi. He has much more of my introverted personality than Cadi has. Cadi takes more after her daddy. So I feel for Scotty. I can empathize with him when he is surrounded by people and overwhelmed.



Scotty doesn't need as much discipline at 17 months as Cadi did at 17 months. Usually just a sharp look and a stern "no" melts my chubby boy into a puddle of lip trembling tears. When Scotty is home alone with us, he is a clown! A different part of his personality comes through. He performs and is silly nearly bringing tears to our eyes as we laugh at his antics, and the more we laugh the funnier he gets! He is cheerful and sweet and loving.

I certainly do not want to change his sweet personality. I just want to be very careful how we raise this boy. I want him to be brave and courageous and not overcome with timidity and fear. I want to allow him to be cautious but not fearful, to be sensitive and loving but not a sissy.

I am just not sure how to do this. Where do I pull the apron strings in more, and where do I gently cut them away? I know prayer is a big factor. I pray over both of my children every night, as I check them one last time before I fall into bed. I pray for their future spouses, for their safety, and most of all for their salvation. I pray for Jim and I as parents to these precious children, that we would have wisdom, discernment, selfless love, and grace.

But beyond that, what is the secret to raising up boys into men? What is your experience?