.Following Through With "I Do" Part 3.

I must admit that I have loved writing this mini series. Today I will answer the last question Bethany gave me, but my husband, Jim, and I have been talking about making this a permanent series on our blogs - my blog from the wife's perspective and his from the husband's. Hmmm...still thinking through the idea. (Any input or interest in that?)

To catch up on Part 1 read here.
To read my husband's response to Part 1 click here.
And yesterday's question was answered here.

I think that today's question is a culmination of the other three.

What are the most important factors in being a Godly wife?

This question may be a bit subjective, but I still think we can look to the Bible to find an over arching answer, and I believe it actually boils down to just one factor, because without this factor we are unable to truly do any of the previous things we discussed the past two days.

Give God the ultimate priority in your life and your marriage.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain" (Psalm 127:1).

Every endeavor in our life has to be based on our relationship with Jesus Christ. This definitely includes marriage. Our marriages can only truly be fulfilled if we are allowing Christ to be front and center. The following verses show us our need to put Christ first.

Mark 1:35

Matthew 6:33

I Corinthians 16:2

Proverbs 3:9

2 Corinthians 8:5

I dare say that as wives, who desire to live biblically, if we commit these verses to memory and then choose to obey them, our marriages can be vibrant and fulfilling.

Our marriages must be built on biblical principals in order to truly succeed, and the only way to know what those principles are is to be saturated in the Word. A marriage that is built on the foundation of Jesus Christ can endure any test and any trial.

Luke 6:47-49 Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when a flood occurred, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly, is like a man who built a house on the ground without any foundation; and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great.

God will be glorified when we build our marriages on His truth and keep Him central to everything, and that is the most important factor to being a godly wife. This doesn't happen overnight. It takes hard work and commitment and is a daily choice, but marriage - like all of our Christian walk - is a process. Our marriages will continue to grow and mature as we grow and mature in Christ.

Do you agree? Disagree? What do you think are the most important factors of being a godly wife?

Thanks for the interaction this week. I have been so blessed.

.Following Through With "I Do" Part 2.

EDIT: My hubby has added a male prespective to the first question, and it is great! Check it out here!

To catch up on part 1 click here.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24

Today's question gets stickier, as the area of submission is heated - even within Christian circles. {Deep breath} Let's dive in with grace.

What does the Bible mean by [a wife's] submission and what does it involve?

First and foremost, this idea of submission was created by God. It was intended as a beautiful thing. When we really study and think through submission we can draw the conclusion that submission is central to our relationship with God. A wife's submission to her husband is an outward picture of her submission to her Savior. It is beautiful and magnetic - people notice. Jesus calls us to be his disciples. A disciple must submit himself to the teacher. It is humans who have made submission out to be an ugly, awful thing. We have limited it, distorted it, and squeezed it into a legalistic mold.

True biblical submission is voluntary, and it comes from an internal love and desire to please God. Biblical submission puts the interest of our husband above ourselves. It is selfless. Submission is an intentional act of love. A godly wife is intrinsically motivated to submit to her husband because of her love for God and her love for her husband. When we submit to our husbands we are actually making known the authority that God has over us as well. Submission to our husbands does not mean that we cannot graciously share our opinion with our husbands or that we have to deny all of our dreams and desires and robotically "obey". A woman is valuable in a marriage, and so is her role. Biblical submission is a privilege. It is not an enslavement as so many want us to believe that it is.

I want to be careful to point out that God has clearly stated that a wife is to submit to her own husband. All women are not to be submissive to all men, and it makes me really uncomfortable when I hear this false teaching being spread. Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. It is only in the context of marriage that a woman is commanded to be submissive to her husband.

When a woman makes a choice to marry (and it is a choice we have made!) then she is also choosing to place herself under the submission of her husband. So practically speaking what does submission look like? Outward submission is yielding to our husband's desires without putting up a fuss or resisting. It is a daily submitting of our will. This again does not mean that wives cannot express her desires and opinions to her husband. She must do so respectfully and graciously, and ultimately she is commanded to surrender.

A wife is neither a doormat nor a slave in marriage. Ultimately we are choosing to allow our husbands to take care of us. And isn't that truly what we desire? A wife is a meaningful, irreplacable, contributing partner in a marriage, but she still must understand her God-given role and her husband's God-given role. A husband has been given the responsibility of guiding his family and home, and a wife needs to allow him to do so and encourage him in his role. A husband needs to have the freedom and encouragement from his wife to have leadership in his home.

I absolutely do not believe that a wife needs to submit to her husband in an area that does not line up with God's Word, but we must be daily in God's Word to know whether or not this is the case. If a husband ever asks his wife to do something that is ungodly or unbiblical she must not do it. I believe Scripture is clear that we must follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and I believe that if we are in tune to what God's Word tells us He will guide us in every situation. Husbands are human and honestly they are incapable to always lead their wives in all truth - that is the job of the Holy Spirit.

I know that no two marriages are the same and that sometimes the husband is not following his biblical role. I believe that a wife is still expected to submit, unless as stated above, he is asking her to do something that is unbiblical. I also believe that we serve a God that can restore and redeem marriage, and that a wife has a lot of power when she lives out her faith authentically in front of her husband and commits to praying for him. God has used godly, submissive wives to radically turn around an ungodly husband and/or family. He will continue to work in this way. It may not happen in our human timing, and we need to trust that God is faithful. I know that is easy for me to type, as I am not living that reality.

I truly believe that marriage vows were met to be beautiful and sacred, but I do not think that God ever intended for a marriage to become violent or abusive. In that situation I think that it is very appropriate for the woman to seek safety and biblical counsel. I do not believe God intends for her to stay inside an unsafe home.

So what do you think? How would you define submission? What does it involve in marriage? I look forward to interacting with you!
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.Following Through With "I Do" Part 1.

For six years she has grown in my heart and become like a little sister. I mentioned Bethany here after finishing her engagement shoot. Bethany is getting married soon - really, really soon. Three weeks from this Saturday is her day. Cadi is one of her flower girls. I cannot wait to watch her walk down the aisle and start her life as the wife of her beloved. But I also have to admit that I may need to stuff an entire box of kleenex into my purse that Saturday. {sigh} Bethany asked me to answer a few questions for her on being a godly wife, and I asked her if I could write my thoughts here and then get some additional thoughts from my readers. She was all for it. She has asked three questions which we will look at separately for the next three days.

Choosing the perfect dress, picking out flowers, and invitations and napkins and cake, and even walking down the aisle - that is all the easy part. It's the following through with I Do that takes the real elbow grease. But there is not a shadow of doubt in my mind that if anyone can succeed at being a godly wife - it is Bethany.

What are the wife's responsibilities to her husband?

Keep in mind that being a wife is a privileged gift that can and should be full of joy. The key for me is to keep focused on that truth, and not allow the world's views of being a wife and a woman creep in and tarnish my thinking.

Titus 2:4-5 paints a clear and vivid portrait of a godly wife and her responsibilities, and that verse is how I would best answer this question.

"and so train the young women to:

love their husbands (and children),

Our example of how to love is found in Jesus Christ - He is the epitome of love. I choose to delight in my husband and the man God created him to be, letting grace cover his shortcomings. From this internal delight and love flows practical acts of love and service to him. But how do I keep on loving my husband until "death do us part?" I think it is biblical to say that my husband should be my number one human relationship - before my children, my family, my friends, my church. And the way I invest my time should reflect this truth. My husband comes first - he needs to know that - and everyone else in my life needs to know that as well. He is the one that I go to first with good news, or when I am hurt or angry, when I need advice - not my mom, not a girlfriend, not even my sister. Nothing is secret, and he gets my best and my first. I have made a conscious choice to choose my husband first - over all other human beings. I show him my love practically by meeting his emotional and physical needs, creating meals, folding laundry, etc. I cannot look at these simply as duties. They are acts of love - the kind of love that that is based on the gospel. God loves us recklessly, unconditionally, without abandon, mercifully, graciously, keeping no record of wrongs, etc., and that is how I am to love my husband as well. (This is the same kind of love that I am commanded to pour over my children, but they will never take priority over my husband.)

to be self-controlled,

Self-control is an everyday examination of our hearts. I must assess myself in light of God's word searching for any pattern of weakness in my flesh and asking God for strength in conquering these areas, and facilitating righteousness. This simply means avoiding whatever it is that triggers my lack of discipline. Again it is a daily battle, and it is different for every person.

pure,

From study I believe this is actually referring to sexual purity after marriage. A wife keeps herself pure for her husband and only her husband - both body and mind.

working at home,

This is the one where I want to extend grace. I am not God, and I am not a discerner of hearts. I am simply and quickly just going to say what Jim and I have concluded and hold to, but we offer this with no condemnation for those who have come to different conclusions. A biblical wife enjoys staying at home. Home is where her heart is, and where she devotes her time, her creativity, and her work. Personally, I have chosen to stay at home, because I do not believe that I can fulfill this biblical call and work outside of the home as well. I just was not made that way. I am not saying that no woman can.

kind,

Being a kind wife takes effort - just like everything else above! Kindness is never phony - it's not just being nice. Kindness flows from the transformed life I have in Christ. It is not dependent on being reciprocated or appreciated. Kindness is a character quality and part of the Fruit of the Spirit.

and submissive to their own husbands, (that the word of God may not be reviled.)"

Biblical submission is a daily surrendering. It is choosing to place myself under the authority and leadership of my husband. My example is given to me in the church's submission to Christ. My submission to my husband is an outward reflection of my submission to Jesus Christ. The only qualification that my husband needs in order for me to submit to him is the fact that he is my husband. Even if my husband were to fail to fulfill his biblical obligations as a husband, I am still required to submit. I know this is contrary to our world and even to some of our Christian circles, but I do not see any other biblical way around it.

....and I will delve deeper into submission tomorrow when I answer Bethany's second question.

So what do you think a wife's responsibilities are to her husband? I cannot wait to read your thoughts, as really I am still a newbie as a wife. I am hoping to get some more mature {grin} wives to chime in, but welcome all thoughts as I am always yearning to grow in this area of my life!




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PS. Um....I have the best blog readers - friends. Wow. Your comments below have brought many tears. My husband read several as well. I am humbled and thankful that our paths have crossed. Thank you.