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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

.Trying to Get Her Attention.

Last week my husband, Jim, answered the question how do I get my husband's undivided attention for a serious conversation? Jim did a fantastic job hitting on several key ways for a wife to successfully carry on a serious conversation with her husband. You can read his post here. Today I am going to answer a similar question.


How do I get my wife's undivided attention for a serious conversation?


Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Jim touched on the fact that men and women communicate and think very differently. Most men (I have to generalize here, please accept my apology) typically communicate in a very straight forward, black and white kind of way. Think about the way that two men would carry on a conversation with each other. Typically one man speaks and the other man listens. When he is finished, the other man speaks and adds his thoughts. End of story. Conversation over. Conclusion established. Now picture two women carrying on a conversation. Women typically communicate in a much "messier" way. A woman ties in several thoughts, concepts, and ideas into one big conversation - bouncing back and forth and weaving in and out of subjects but tieing it all together into an elaborate concept. When two women carry on a conversation, there is usually rapid fire thoughts being shared continually back and forth, with little time for breath. One woman jumps in where the other left off. Their words mingle together and flow between each other forming one conversation. It is organized chaos.

It's no wonder that at times communicating with our spouse can seem like a foreign language! God created each of us so differently, BUT communication can happen and should happen - even serious communication. Both partners just have to be willing to learn the language that their husband/wife uses. Here are some different ways that husbands can communicate with their wives.
  • Show her that you are giving her your undivided attention. When a man is engaged in a conversation with his wife, show her that your are listening with your whole body. Your ears cannot be the only sense engaged in the conversation. Most men who have been married, even just a little while, know that when a woman speaks she is not just communicating black and white words. There is a lot being said behind the words. Watch for emotion - what is her body language telling you? Listen for tone and meaning. Do not just listen to merely the words, listen to the story behind the words.
  • Connect with her heart. When you communicate with your wife, try to step out of a typical "problem-solver" mentality, and speak from your heart. Women need to connect with you on a heart level. Your wife needs and wants to see your passions, your drive, your emotions - yes, your feelings. Women need to see the humanity of their husband. I truly believe that almost every wife longs to have a heart-connection with her husband. One of the ways this happens is in heart felt communication.
  • If you are not sure just ask. If you are speaking from your heart and listening with your whole body, and still have not a clue what your wife is truly saying - maybe her body language is not matching her words at all - then just ask her what she meant! By showing a deep interest in your wife's thoughts, the conversation will naturally ebb and flow better and the two of you will be more connected. It is better to ask then to guess. Most women would see your asking as proof that you are truly interested in the conversation.
  • Allow the conversation to ebb and flow. I am guessing here that at times it is very frustrating for a husband to carry on a conversation with his wife, especially if that man is used to cut and dry conversations where each party takes his own, quick-to-the-point, turn. It's okay to allow your wife to break into your conversation with her thoughts and feelings and comments. (A wife should never be rude or disrespectful, but the way most of us communicate is with a conversation dance - where both partys' words mingle together to form one beautiful conversation.) If you are able to relax and enjoy this conversation dance, then communication with your wife will be much smoother.
Communication requires thought, love, and patience in marriage. It also requires a willingness to humble ourselves and to learn how to listen and to communicate better. Hopefully this two part series has given all of us a little bit to think about before we enter our next conversation.

 Ladies, what would you add to this?

Thanks for all of the great questions and input that have been emailed and given to us! If you have a marriage topic or question that you would like featured on a Wedded Wednesday post, then please feel free to leave a comment or email me at amomentcherished(at)gmail(dot)com or leave a message on the blog's facebook page.

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