.Reclaiming Christmas.

The hustle the bustle. To-do lists. Gift lists - for family, for friends, for neighbors and teachers, for the mailman and co-workers. Busyness. Expectations. Stress. Calendars bursting at the seams. Glitz. Santa. Materialism. Performance. Decorating. Commercials boasting the latest and greatest necessity to make one happy. Perfectionism.



Christmas.

What if it was all stripped away, and left naked of the stuff?

What if Christmas was really only about Jesus?

Would it look any different?



He carried down tub after tub after tub that groaned with the weight of Christmas decorations. Nine. I counted nine in all, and as I counted I felt my heart race and my stomach turn. Nine storage bins of stuff that was supposed to usher Christmas into my home. Up until last year, decorating for Christmas brought so much excitement and anticipation for me. Last Christmas, I emptied but one tub and decorated our tree. My heart was heavy, and the other decorations seemed frivolous. I chalked it up to the blanketing sadness that wrapped our family due to Jamesy not being home yet, as once promised.





I was sure that this year I would dive fully back into decorating my home top to bottom. But the nine boxes that stared at me seemed to mock the knowing that I now hold in my heart, of the poverty I had witnessed this year, of the truth of the fact that I have lived a sheltered, comfortable, ignorant to the plight of others, life here in America. That knowing permeates everything. My eyes see things and people differently - even Christmas. My eyes are seeing Jesus and His birthday - perhaps truly for the first time.





It's the reclaiming of Christmas that my soul longs for.

The erasing of the unnecessary and the magnifying of the Necessary - the only necessary in this life and the one to come - Jesus Christ. Christmas and all that it brings points to Him who came as a rag swaddled babe, born in a feeding trough in order to rescue the poverty stricken, broken me.



My one desire this season is to be intentional about this Christmas. In every choice of celebration this year it must point back to Jesus. It must.

Without Jesus, there is no Christmas.

Christmas is Christmas only because of Jesus.

Come let us adore Him - Christ the King!

.The Most wonderful Time of the Year.

It is, isn't it? This season is so full of expectation and wonder. I love Christmas. I love passing on Christmas traditions to my children. Above all else I love teaching my littles that the reason for the beauty, the excitement, the expectation surrounding Christmas is all and only because of Jesus. In order to do this, Jim and I have to be so purposeful in every single thing we do in celebrating Christmas; we want it all to communicate Jesus. It is intentional living to the max, and it is worth it if my children know and understand that Christmas equals Jesus. (Perhaps more on this in a later post, like how I almost had a breakdown this year decorating for Christmas.)



Our tree is decorated, and I am starting to love our fake tree. Every year it grows on me a bit more. Scotty is severely allergic to real trees. We learned that a few years ago, having a real tree in our home for less than 24 hours and Scotty almost landing in the hospital.

Our special ornaments are hung - like baby's first Christmas and the little handmade ones.













Traditions have started.



The name of Jesus is on our lips, and it is truly the most wonderful time of the year!

In the midst of this we are praising God that our family is all together this year.The bigs are praying for Jamesy's EEG today, and so am I.

.Intentional Thankfulness.

Being intentional, this month, and noticing



counting



remembering



stilling



and thanking God for. it. all.

I have heard it said that God allows the rain to fall on the just and the unjust. Everything is grace. Everything demands my thanksgiving.


(Like all good ideas the Thankful Tree was shared.)

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There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. (Albert Einstein)

The shock of Jamesy's diagnosis is wearing off. Left in it's wake is something I wasn't really anticipating - peace. There are moments when the waves of fear come crashing over me, but they have not sucked me under. I am determined to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. The hope that I have in Jesus Christ is outweighing all fear.

We do not know what the future holds for our sweet Jamesy, but honestly, I do not know what the future holds for any of my children or for Jim and myself. Today could be the day God calls me home, or as much as I pray is not the case, He could call one of my children home today, or my husband.

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:14.

This is the verse that my blog was built upon. I wanted to savor the life that I am blessed with right now, understanding that it is just a mist - a vapor and thank God for giving me a moment cherished. How easy it is to forget, to get bogged down in the daily tasks that can consume me. If nothing else, this has renewed my determination to intentionally cherish every moment God gives me here on earth - whether they be many or few.

We are working very closely with a Children's Hospital right now. Jamesy needs to undergo several more tests and examinations by a pediatric neurologist, pediatric endocrinologist, and we are going to get a second opinion regarding his nystagmus by another pediatric opthamologist. Jim and I are believing that Jamesy has a mild form of this disorder, but he will need careful medical examination before that can truly be determined. Please pray that Jim and I would have wisdom.

While we wait for appointments for these specialists I am determined to focus on that which is true and not allow fear to feed me lies.

• Jamesy is the same beautiful boy that we first fell in love with. He is our beloved son. Nothing could make us love him less or more.



• Jamesy is showing signs of being cognitively and developmentally where he should be, which is a very positive thing with this diagnosis.



• There is a 70% chance that Jamesy's hormones will not be affected by this disorder.



• Jamesy was blind, but now he can see (and seemingly WELL)!! Most children with this disorder are blind or severely visually impaired.



• God chose me to be Jamesy's mommy. He has specially chosen me for this journey, and I know He will equip me with the strength and grace as I need it.

Dear friends, thank you for the emails, the messages, the comments of encouragement and prayers. Thank you to so many who cried right along with us. It's funny to me that this diagnosis came on the tail of me writing that privacy post. Upon hearing Jamesy's diagnosis my first instinct was not to tell anyone. I was afraid it would give people an excuse not to adopt and make them afraid of the what-ifs. It was very evident that God was leading Jim and I to live this very transparently, and I trust that. Maybe this will actually be a testimony to families as to why adoption is so needed. Jamesy would have never gotten this diagnosis in Ethiopia. Our God is so sovereign and loving. He placed Jamesy in our arms at the exact perfect time, and I have no doubt that He is carrying us all in His own arms.

Just when I think I have learned about surrendering it all to Christ and letting God be in control, I am reminded that I have not completely let go. Handing over the reigns (again). My God is in control.

I apologize for not having a Wedded Wednesday. In all honesty I kind of forgot.

.I Want My Jesus.

He had colored the little black and white drawing of Jesus, who was now glued to a Popsicle stick. Another paper was glued with white, puffy cotton balls in an attempt to look like clouds. Jesus could carefully be pushed through the slit in the cloud paper to look as if He was ascending into heaven. Scotty is always really proud of the papers he colors in Sunday School. He was especially fond of this one. Perhaps it was the ability to move Jesus in and out of the clouds - fascinating for a two year old I am sure.

On the way home from church, Scotty was strapped in his car seat happily playing with his Sunday School Jesus and Jim was driving. It was just the two of them that morning as Cadi and Jamesy were not feeling well, so I stayed home to care for them. All of sudden Jim heard crying and screaming coming from behind him.

I want my Jesus!

I want my Jesus!

I want my Jesus!

Scotty had dropped the Popsicle stick that had Jesus glued to it.

As Jim told me of this account after arriving home, my thoughts slowed and stilled. When was the last time I had cried out like that?

When was the last time I truly yearned and cried for my Jesus? When would nothing else and no one else do? In that moment, Scotty was so consumed by Jesus (yes, his Popsicle stick one) that nothing else could satisfy his longing. Am I consumed by my Jesus or am I letting other things, other people satisfy the longing?

Today I will walk in the presence of Jesus. I am purposing to long for Him- my rescuer - the One who redeemed my soul and pours His grace out over me.

Today I will abide in him, because I want my Jesus.