.It's Worth It.

I write this post cautiously. I have debated a few times whether or not I should write it. This is written from a sincere heart. I do not want to scare people out of adopting, but I think the truth that the hard journey does not end at the airport homecoming needs to be told. I am going to tell the truth, being as sensitive as I can to my Jamesy. This is all his story. There are certain things that I will keep back, and I must.

I believe that God truly does equip those He calls. I believe that parenting a child is a high calling, and that God gives special grace and strength to the parents that he calls to parent children from hard places. There is nothing else in this life that has refined me as much as parenting has, and the refining that is coming with parenting a hurting child is indescribable. It is beautiful and painful and a blessing and exhausting. Parenting is hard period.

Dr. Karyn Purvis says this Jesus said to take up your cross and follow me. I don't find that Jesus ever called his disciples to a socially fashionable ministry. He called them to minister to the prostitute - to the taxcollector - to the people that were considered the outcast. Going into adoption you have to understand that this is not a socially fashionable ministry. This is a calling to lay down your life for the life of a child. Any other expectation will bring disappointment.

This is what God continues to chip away at me about - laying down my life - dieing to self. Jamesy has been home for 17 weeks this Friday, and I have learned so much. I have grown so much. I have also failed many, many times in this journey. Exhaustion has crept in and selfishness has taken over. Frustration has crowded out grace and suffocated mercy. But there is hope and I have seen progress and healing and growth in my parenting.

There are moments when fear ravishes Jamesy's body still. When he trembles and screams and recoils at my touch. The fear is dark and deep, but Jesus is meeting him there and teaching me what it is to really be His hands of love for my son. He is teaching me how to not take rejection from Jamesy personally.

The fear is usually not present in Jamesy during the day here at home. He is happy and loving, and I truly feel he is starting to feel secure. However he suffers with sleep issues, which I believe stem from trauma that no baby should ever have to endure. Every baby should be loved and nurtured from the beginning of his or her life. I am certain he cannot possibly remember his past, but impact of that trauma is all over him. I know that healing can come, and I pray that it does. Many of Jamesy's "behaviors" have diminished. He very rarely rocks his head to self-sooth anymore, as he has learned to rely on us to sooth him. At first Jamesy would fight sleep so much that he would scratch himself to stay awake. He has scars all up and down his little brown arms from this. In the last few weeks I have seen this stop. It is almost as if he fears sleep. I think it is scary for him to wake up in our home still. I think for a moment he forgets where he is. Even in Sunday School this past week he fell asleep in my arms only to wake up terrified.

Night terrors have become part of Jamesy's reality, and we continue to work through those. Jamesy has also started the habit of vomiting all over himself if he wakes, and I cannot run to his side quick enough. This has been one of the toughest things for me. For one I am weak stomached, but it is so disturbing to see Jamesy this distraught. I pray over him each night that healing would come, that the fear would vanish, and that sleep would be sweet.

I know that God is bringing hope and healing to Jamesy. I have seen him grow in his attachment to us. He adores his Daddy. I pray that he really knows that we are his Mommy and Daddy, and that we will not leave him, we will fight for him. I get asked a lot how things are going with Jamesy, and I always answer that they are going great and that this is so much more natural than we anticipated. And that is the truth - overall. But there are really, really painful, hard moments for all of us too. And we expected that walking into this. We counted the cost ahead of time. We prepared and educated our family as much as we could. We are in this together, and we are looking to God for the srength to run this race well. I want to be a mommy that is willing to acknowlege these hard things in my child's life and walk inside the painful trenches with him in order for him to heal. I will never dismiss Jamesy's past, and I understand how his past, even as young as he is, has shaped his future.

I am choosing to see beyond the hard things and to persevere.

When Jamesy wakes screaming and terrified, when he vomits, when he rejects me, when he reverts back to damaging behaviors, I am choosing to be thankful for the amazing blessing that has been gifted to me in being his Mommy. Because transformation is taking place in my heart as I learn to mommy my Jamesy.

Mommying Jamesy is beyond a doubt simultaneously one of the hardest and most beautiful processes that God has ever allowed me to be part of.

And I say without hesitiation it's worth it, simply because He is worth it.

I wouldn't have missed this transformation for anything the world could offer me.





PS For those asking about Jamesy's diagnosis: It looks as if we have finally gotten Jamesy into the Children's Hospital at the end of August. They are still ironing a few things out - it is tricky being that he needs to see three separate specialists. I covet prayer. I have had to stop googling, as I am witnessing more and more symptoms that follow this disorder in my sweet boy. It wrecks this Mommy's heart, and I am battling fear for him daily.

.From the Mouth of Babes.

Upon seeing Jamesy in the bath Cadi exclaims Look Jamesy's chocolate doesn't wash off!"

And here's a photo until I can form a real post. We have completed week two of our cocoon, and I enjoyed my first week on my own with my three children! Everything is going better than we had ever hoped. God's hand has been over our family.

And I am thankful.

.One Week in our Cocoon.

Jamesy has been home for one week, and we have been living out our attachment plan and cocooning. Some things in our plan have been altered, but overall we are doing things very much like we had planned to. And we are already seeing progress and healing.

When we met Jamesy in Ethiopia the first time, we found a very fearful, sensitive, timid, unhappy baby. We came home very much in love with Jamesy, but knew that a lot of pain and trauma was in his heart. On our gotcha day Jamesy cried as soon as he saw us - it was a blessing in disguise - he remembered us.

We made a lot of progress with Jamesy in Ethiopia. I believe it was a huge blessing for Jim and I to be able to devote our undivided attention to Jamesy. I want to share carefully (I feel that some things are too private for me to share about Jamesy) two ways healing has started to take place this week.

In Ethiopia Jamesy vomited every other bottle and choked and gagged several times during his feedings. We now believe, after a little research and talking with others, that it was an anxiety issue and even a coping mechanism as his world had just been drastically pulled out from under him. Within one week of having him home, he is tolerating all bottles and is eating huge mouthfuls of food with no gagging or choking. The other night he packed his little cheeks so full of food and then proceeded to use one finger to cram space into his mouth for more food! (This terrified me, but he swallowed it down just fine and went on for more.)

We have been very successful in almost completely stopping Jamesy from rocking his head to fall asleep. Children who have been institutionalized and not able to get the physical touch that they deserve and require, learn to self-sooth in this way. Jamesy would do this in order to rock himself to sleep. It was heart breaking to see. Now we rock him - every nap and at bedtime until he is soundly sleeping. If he wakes in the night I immediately pick him up before the self rocking starts, and I rock him myself.

We are still working on some very deeply embedded fear issues that Jamesy has. He is terrified that Jim or I will leave him. In Ethiopia he slept very well and soundly from 8 PM to 6-6:30 AM. However, he does not sleep well here. I do not believe it is as simple as getting accustomed to the time change either. Jamesy wakes up several times during nap and during the night in a complete panic that we have left him and cries in terror until one of us is able to calm him down with lots of cuddles and physical touch. I have rocked him for up to three hours on a few occasions in the middle of the night, only to eventually pull him into our bed and allow him to fall soundly asleep on my chest. We are praying through this right now - that God would break through this fear and pain. At this time we will just continue to meet his needs in this area, and reassure him every time he wakes up fearful. Some nights are better than others and all he simply needs is my hand on his back until the fear is gone and sleep comes. Some nights are hard as he needs to be plastered to me with his hands on my face before peace comes. It is heartbreaking as his mommy to bear, but it is worth it - so, so worth it! And the fact that Jamesy will allow us to comfort him and rock him is huge progress. On our first trip, he would not even tolerate us holding him in facing our body - now he craves it. God is good.

This week has been filled with giggles, lots of love, and tons of family time. Our church and staff was very, very gracious with Jim and allowed him to take most of this week off. I really think this time together has been invaluable. Cadi and Scotty are doing very well with the changes in our home. Cadi has been a huge help to us, and is learning what her appropriate role is as a big sister to Jamesy. Scotty has adjusted well. He adores Jamesy, but at times still needs to be treated like the family baby - and right now we allow that. This is a huge adjustment for him as he has been the baby for over two years. He is feeling out his role as a big brother very well, though, and I dare say he has grown up this past week.

Jim and I have been able to really enjoy each others company this week. I love playing on the living room floor with our three children and find my eyes catching Jim's across the room as if to say Can you believe this is our life?!

God has been so good, so gracious this week. I feel so blessed, so undeserving of this amazing privilege God has given me in choosing me to be the mommy of these three precious children.

If it is possible, I have fallen more in love with adoption this week. I truly wish everyone could experience this.

I aplogize at the choppiness of this post - it was thrown together during nap time and I did not have time to articulate well. Thanks for grace.

.Planning for Attachment, Bonding, & Cocooning Part 2.

Attachment and bonding are often used interchangeably; however, they are two very different processes. Bonding is that phase of falling in love with your child and your child with you. Jim and I were very blessed to feel this instantaneous love for Jamesy upon meeting him. (It is natural and normal for other adopting families to not feel this immediate love, and it in no way indicates that there are problems ahead. Sometimes love has to grow. Adoption, while beautiful, is unnatural, and by that I simply mean that adoption is not how God originally intended for families to grow. Adoption did not exist until after sin entered the world.) While we feel love for Jamesy, he does not feel that same love toward us so we have yet to bond. The bonding process is typically relatively short with a younger child. It usually begins to occur within a few weeks. Bonding is about sharing love, relationship, and commitment. We have done very little so far (in the grand scheme of his life) to foster bonding with him. Even after our days with Jamesy in Ethiopia, we are still essentially strangers to him. Much of bonding involves physical touch. This is why it sometimes (not all of the time - not every case) appears easier and faster for adopting families to bond with infants rather than older children. Infants require a lot of physical touch, and it is instinctual and natural for most parents to touch and nurture an infant - even for those adults who are not inclined to a lot of physical touching in how they parent. I believe that bonding, especially after a child is adopted, must be initiated by the parents. A child that comes from a hard place will not usually, naturally interact with his or her new family through physical touch. It is a process that must be taught and prayerfully will eventually be mirrored and reciprocated in our son.

Attachment is bigger and more complicated and usually takes much longer than bonding (think months not weeks and sometimes even years). Simply stated attachment is a process of trust. I believe that the research for attachment is extensive, on-going and changing, and because every child is so different it is very important to continually and constantly be researching, learning, and growing as parents while giving our children over to God. Some research indicates that the attachment process begins in the womb as the baby receives nourishment from the mother. I am not educated enough to say whether or not this is factual. However, I have heard some very convincing theories that babies in utero who experience trauma or stress will have a brain that develops differently from a baby who did not experience such things. From these studies it truly does seem to indicate that the attachment process is not only very real, but happens very early in a child's life. Regardless of that, I do believe that enough data has been collected to prove that during a child's first 18 months of life, he or she has learned whether or not their caregivers can be trusted to meet their needs. When a child's needs are met continually in the first 18 months of life, the attachment process begins in a healthy normal manner. However, when needs are repeatedly unmet- for example a baby cries out for food and no food is given, the attachment process is disrupted. Although, it is unlikely that a child would remember this occurrence, the affects of this could have lifelong implications if tools to heal this wounded child's heart are not implemented. Children who are in orphanages may discover that sometimes their needs are met and sometimes they are not, so they learn to trust no one. Sadly many of these children have had to find ways to gratify and sooth themselves - even at very young ages.

As Jamesy's parents we feel that it is absolutely vital to commit to fostering both bonding and attachment between ourselves and Jamesy and among our family as a whole. We understand through various research that the first few weeks and months that Jamesy is home with us are absolutely critical to the future healing that we desire to take place in his heart. Jim and I are ready to invest our time and our energy into doing everything we can to transition Jamesy into our home - into our family. Now that I have set the groundwork for why we feel this is so necessary I will share in my next post how we plan to do it and exactly what our attachment plan looks like. Hopefully in sharing all of this, it will make our plan a little more understandable and less crazy sounding! I am leaving comments open for the time being. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask, and I will respond in the comment section in order to continue the dialogue.

Thanks for your grace. Thanks for your love. Our brown-eyed boy is coming home to so much of both, and we are so, so grateful.

.Planning for Attachment, Bonding, & Cocooning Part 1.

I have been kind of dreading these posts. The issues surrounding attachment, bonding, and cocooning can be sensitive and controversial. I expected them to be controversial in the non-adoption world, but am finding them to be this way even in the adoption world. So in writing these next few posts, I want to be very clear that this is how our family is doing things, and that we have landed here after many hours of research, training, prayer and searching the Scriptures. Our views could change. These standards that we are planning to follow are not our Bible. However, at the moment, this is where we land, and we feel confident, at this time, in the conclusions we have come to. In saying all that, please understand that if you are an adopting family that has done things differently in the past or plan to do things differently in the future, this post is not condemning your family. If you are a family that is not involved in adoption, please understand the carefulness that went into all of this and know that yes it will most likely look very, very differently from how you do things with your birth children. I also want to clearly state that because we are doing things special with Jamesy does not make him more special than Cadi or Scotty. We seek to meet our children at the place that they individually are, wholistically and uniquely at times, even from their siblings. And is that not how God deals with His children? Please read this with grace, and I will do my best to write it with the same.

Knowing that this could stir up debate why am I writing this? I am writing this because I have been asked to, and I am writing this as a reference and resource for other adopting families looking for guidance in this area. Adopting Mommy bloggers were one of the first people I turned to for help in this process, and I was surprised to find relatively little written about preparation for attachment, bonding, and cocooning. A lot of what I found was the hard truth of problems that can (does not always) happen when a child is adopted into a family who did not establish an attachment plan. Much of the information and our plan that I will share is not original to us. I am not an expert. I have never lived through this with an adopted child. So, I will not pretend to know it all about any of this. We gathered information from a few blogs, books, seminars, our social worker, adopting friends, etc. I had bookmarked all of the blog posts that I had gotten ideas from to give them credit in this post (this post has been a loooong time in the making!). However, our computer crashed this winter, and I lost all of my bookmarks. So, please know that some of our plan came from others.

Jamesy comes from a hard place. He has had a very difficult first 14 months of life - no matter how you look at it. According to Dr. Karyn Purvis any child that is eligible for adoption or foster care comes from a hard place. Yes, even that newborn infant adopted the day of his or her birth, comes from a hard place. A child coming from a hard place may have experienced some or many of the following (our Jamesy experienced many):

In-utero stress (drug or alcohol related, a stressful environment, a traumatic experience that the birth mother went through - even stress while deciding whether or not she should place her child for adoption, etc.) Traumatic Birth
Separation from birth mother
Foster Care
Orphanage Care
Separation from primary caregiver
Shifting between foster family and birth family
Move to a new country
Move to a new institution
Hospitalization
Unresolved medical issues
Neglect
Abuse
Adoption

Parenting a child who has been adopted is not the same as parenting a birth child. Adoption is a means to bring a child into a home and make him or her a son or a daughter and become a source of healing for that child. Every foster and adopted child needs to to be given the tools to heal. Obviously every child is different, and depending on the child and the family, this can be a very difficult process. However, it is not an impossible process or a process without hope. We feel that it is a process that we must prepare and plan for, so that we are equipped to pass on the tools that Jamesy will need to heal from his traumatic experiences. I also strongly believe, that when families are adequately trained and are equipped with the knowledge and tools they need to help their new children heal, that people will start noticing this and stop feeling so fearful about foster care and adoption. Then maybe we will start seeing our churches explode with children who are being loved and nurtured in church families because of the beautiful ministry of foster care and adoption. That is my prayer and hope anyway. I've said it before, I believe orphans are at the heart of God, so in believing this, I also believe our churches should be mirroring this heart. I pray everyday to that end - specifically for my own local church, but also for the Church in general. Adoption and foster care and healing is not something that we as believers should be fearful of. If God has called you to this ministry, He will go with you, and He will equip you perfectly for it. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. I John 4:18

Jamesy has been in AWAA's Transition Home (TH) since July, when he turned 7 months. The TH is wonderful. It is clean (yes small and very simple when compared to American standard's) and the children are nurtured, cared for, and I even dare say loved by the wonderful nannies. Yes, the nannies are overworked, yes there are about 5-7 babies per nanny, but for being an institution in a developing country, Jamesy is getting phenomenal care. Jamesy has bonded with his nannies, especially with one special nanny. When we swoop in for our gotcha day we will be introducing trauma once again into our son's life. Even though he is only fourteen months old, and he will not specifically remember any of this, he will grieve the loss of this special place and precious people who met his needs for the past 7 months of his life. Jamesy will be handling some very major transitions from new foods, clothes (think snow gear!), smells, people, language, experiences (think car seat!), environment, climate etc. All of these transitions will happen very rapidly, and they will all cause him more pain, more confusion, more healing that will need to take place. As Jamesy's parents, we want to be sensitive to all that will be taking place in his heart, all of the pain that he will be enduring. We want to be equipped and ready to help him begin the healing process. We feel this is our role as his parents. It is our obligation with each of the children God chooses to bless us with. Because of this we are taking a rather intense approach, and we plan to cocoon him for six weeks. I will share our specific plan in another post.

Here is an analogy that I read on adoption. This gives just a taste of the pain and trauma that adopted (and foster) children face during their transition. I know this is extreme, but at the same time, it really softened my heart and opened my eyes to the truth of the hurt and insecurities that undoubtedly will be in Jamesy's heart.


Imagine for a moment…

You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.

The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face.

But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved?

You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back,...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay.But you know that nothing is okay.

Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him?

Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.

You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact.

Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it.

More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you?


You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried.

The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you.

You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy.

The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy.The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.

Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair.

Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before.

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black.

You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to sleep.

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness.

Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.--Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp

This can leave one feeling hopeless, but I just want to reiterate that we are not without hope. Yes, we want to understand and be prepared for the hurt, the pain, the trauma that our brown-eyed boy has encountered and will endure, BUT THERE IS HOPE. We are trusting God that by investing in Jamesy's life and diving into the middle of his hurt immediately is going to produce long-term positive outcomes in the healing of his heart. We are not promised an easy, pain-free road. If we were looking for that, we never would have pursued adoption - we probably never would have had any children! Not every day will be beautiful and calm. This could be a messy, long process, but so was our adoption in Christ. Nothing about that was easy.

Our family is not capable of doing this on our own. We cannot walk this in a vacuum. We need help, we need to know we are being supported, even if you think our plans are way too excessive and crazy. Even if everything I wrote here seems like jarble and nonsense, but if you love us then please respect us and support us and get involved! This is a vital time in our life when our family must be surrounded by only those people who are willing to walk this long, hard road with us. We need encouragement, love, and we need prayers. We need lots and lots of prayer. This is where our church, our families, our friends - those specifically that do not feel the call of adoption on their lives at this time - can step up and take a huge part in carrying out James 1:27. Although, Jamesy is no longer an orphan, Jamesy's heart is still orphaned, and he needs the love, prayers, and support of many people. He needs for his church family to understand where he has come from, and that he may not act the same as children in our church who have grown up in birth families. We are praying that our investment up front will pay off in the end, and that God will bless Jamesy and our family and heal the broken heart of our beautiful brown-eyed boy. We are praying that God draws Jamesy's heart to Himself and one day Jamesy experiences full healing in accepting Jesus Christ as his Savior. We pray that ultimately, no matter the outcome, that God is honored with our story, and that He receives all of the glory, all of the praise, and all of the fame. For it is ONLY He that deserves any of it.

.Exposing the Pain.

I was not really sure how to write about this, and I am still not sure. Partly because we will be living it, and have not lived through it, yet. Neither do we know what the living through it will look like.

Adoption is always filled with loss and pain. Yes, it is beautiful, yes, it is at the heart of God, but in the middle of it is a painful, ugly mess.

However, the pain doesn't take away from the beauty.



Most of our time spent with Jamesy in Ethiopia was wrapped in pain - his pain - which became our pain. His scars run deep and thick.

Our love for him was instantaneous and sure.

But for him we were just two white strangers, who looked funny, talked funny, and smelled funny.

Day after day our loving on him was like ripping scabs off of a crusted wound. Our very presence inflicted more pain in his already wounded heart. There were times, where as his mommy, I was at a loss. It hurt to see him hurt, and often I was tempted to run him right back into his baby room and lay him in the arms of familar. But the only way to journey this road to healing is to expose ourselves to the reality of his pain, his hurt, his wounds.

We are praying for healing for his heart that can only come from God. We can plan and prepare and educate ourselves and those around us, but ultimately the healing must be soul deep and we are incapable to do that.



If you think of it, pray for him in the days, months, years to come.

Although, he is no longer an orphan - he has no concept of being a son, of having a family, or a safe home. And the love that comes with all of that is completely foreign to him.

This is the new journey for our family. This is new territory for us as we fight for the heart and soul of our brown-eyed boy. This is where adoption becomes missional.

Psalm 68:6a God sets the lonely in families....