.I Have Been.

Welcoming fall with arms flung wide. Fall is my favorite season (until winter comes, and then until spring comes....you get the idea. So thankful to live in a state that embraces the seasons.)

Baking these

and this

and these.

Teaching my Cadi (and learning myself) about the human body and Christopher Columbus, and what it means to have and show compassion the way Jesus did and does.



Lighting pumpkin scented candles and dreaming of crisp weather, vibrant trees, and Macintosh apples.

Laughing at and with my two little boys, who fill our home with sunshine and mischief.





Falling more and more in love with Jim, as we hang on for dear life through this roller coaster ride that makes up our moments.



Reading, reading, reading, to my children, with my children, by myself. Searching out God's Word to try to grasp what it really means to live each moment with Christ in me.

Cooking this.

Missing Ethiopia and aching to be back there. (Jealous my husband leaves very soon to go back.)

Rejoicing that Jamesy's hormone work-up came back normal, and that he does not have to have his hormones checked again for several months!

Living life to the full, falling in bed exhausted, realizing that mommying and homeschooling are the hardest jobs I have ever loved.

Waiting for God to show us what is next. Preparing my heart for anything.

.Finding Rest.

The fear is creeping in again. I rock him, and I feel his body stiffen and refuse my touch. It started the night we came home from the children's hospital, and then it accelerated this weekend after his blood draw.

It hurts watching him battle.

He is trying a new self soothing destructive behavior. Every time we lay him down he bangs his sweet little head, over, and over.

Yesterday I felt such frustration as I reached for him and rocked him and tried to make him understand that there is no need for that anymore. Daddy and I can comfort you now. I whispered to my precious third child. My tears slipped over the contours of my cheeks and mingled in his soft curls. It was then that my heart heard His whispers.

But daughter, you have been doing the very same thing that your son is doing right now. Each night you go to bed, and I offer you My comfort, My peace. My arms reach out for you, and you stiffen and turn away. You mentally list your worries and fears. Over and over you shuffle through them in your mind imagining scenarios that could make life situations better, and in a most destructive way imagining terrible scenarios that could be.

There is no need for that anymore. You have been redeemed. You are no longer alone.

Have you not heard me tell you before how to find rest? Let me invite you again.

Come to me, [Tiffany] who is weary and carries heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your soul. (Matthew 11:28-29)

Last night we found rest.

Jamesy snug in the arms of his Mama, and both Mama and Jamesy snug in the arms of Jesus.



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.Dear, Sweet, Readers.

I love you. I love all 800 plus (what?!) of you. I am humbled by your kind words left here, sent to my email, and posted on facebook. You continue to lift me up and edify me over and over.



Most of you I have never even met, very few of you are my IRL friends, but yet we are connected through this little piece of the web. I am amazed, humbled, dumbfounded that you continually come here to read my so often inadequate words. God always sends the right people at the right time. So many of you have been sensitive to the Spirit's leading and reached out to me when I have needed it the most.





You have shared in my joy, my grief, my prayer requests. You have loved my family, and you have loved me through so much change in our family. Many, many of you have literally helped us bring our sweet Jamesy into our family, and yet we are strangers. Some of you I will never meet this side of heaven, but know this I am thankful for each one of you who has become invested in my family through this little blog. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you would never be enough.





My last post was a bit melancholy and blue. I received a few worried emails. I am fine. Truly I am. For the past two years I have tried to blog very authentically, which goes against my nature. I believe the body of Christ gets very good at masquerades. I don't desire to be part of that anymore. I still pick and choose what I write here, not everything gets published for the world.



Everything is prayed over, and I publish what I do in order to share my flaws and humanness and brokenness with the world, but I don't do it to receive sympathy. I publish the hard things sometimes, so that the good things can only be pointed back at my Jesus. I want all of the glory, all of the honor to go to Him alone. It's hard for people to see Jesus in me when I am being fake and try to appear all together all of the time, but when I am weak He is clearly visible. Because without Christ in me I can do nothing - I am nothing.

I know so many readers were praying for me this weekend, and I just want to tell you that God has answered your prayers. I had an amazing, calm weekend with my family. We hiked with some extended family on Saturday. It was absolutely refreshing to get outside of these walls and breathe in His creation. We explored and hiked and sweat and got filthy together. It was glorious. It was worship of our Creator.



Today we worshipped with our church family. Jamesy slept through the entire sermon, and for the first time in what feels like forever I was able to sit there in the pew during the whole service. I bathed in God's goodness, and walked away so thankful, so joyful. I had some wonderful meaningful conversations with friends, and I was able to fellowship and give back some today. I just felt so good, so alive, despite being tired and still hanging onto some sickness. We came home to a belated birthday party for Jim. He requested Ethiopian cuisine, and an absolutely sinful three layer sour cream chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting and chocolate peanut butter genache. My parents ate Ethiopian food with us for the first time (and liked it!), and we enjoyed each others company. The children napped the afternoon away, and Jim and I cuddled while watching a silly movie. The evening ended with popcorn for dinner and Peter Pan as a family.

I feel ready for tomorrow, and our new school year ahead. I feel renewed, refreshed, recharged....yes, all of those great re- words!

Oh, and the dryer! We rearranged a few things in our budget to fit in a low end new dryer. Jim is going to work on that tomorrow. Praise God!!

God is so good to give me such faithful readers as you all. You have and continue to bless me. If only I could repay you....

Philemon 1:4 I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers.


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PS Jim taught Cadi to tie her shoes yesterday!! That is one thing checked off of my list for the school year!

.Joy.

Sometimes I forget how truly blessed I am to have such godly women in my life. It seems as if some of the dearest women in my life are spread all over this country, but still I am extremely blessed because of the impact they have had on my life (and thankful for facebook to help us stay connected!).

Joy.

I met her when I was sixteen years old. It was my first time away from home for an extended period. I was working at a Christian summer camp cleaning bathrooms, setting tables, and junior counseling. I can still remember walking into our little cabin - what would be my home for eight weeks - and meeting Joy. She was hanging curtains in our cabin that her grandmother had made, and her smile immediately put me at ease and stopped the butterflies from dancing in my stomach. Her name fit her perfectly, and it still does to this day. She immediately made me feel at home, and not like the squirrely highschooler that I surely was. She was the counselor in that cabin, and I her junior counselor. She had just finished her freshman year at Bible college, and I my junior year of highschool. She immediately treated me as an equal, and I immediately had respect and admiration for her.

The summer was filled with fun memories. Joy was an amazing counselor. She was FUN - so, so fun. She made me laugh at her outrageous antics. We were so different. She was loud and lit up a room as soon as she entered. I was quiet, and tried my best for no one to notice me enter a room. But we clicked. She gave me advice as I began to date Jim that summer. She listened to me swoon about him. She prayed with me, and she encouraged me in my relationship with God.

Two years later I went off to attend college. Guess who was in my dorm on my floor? Joy! A year later she was my RA. Joy mentored me the two years that we attended school together. She spent countless hours pouring into my life. I have vivid memories of the two of us sitting together in the lounge. She was the one who really taught me how to study the Bible. She taught me how to use my Strong's Concordance while I studied the Bible. We memorized Romans 12 together, she was my accountability partner and oversaw what ministries I was part of in college. She invited me to her church my freshman year. She looked out for me, took me to the hospital when I had bronchitis my sophomore year, and became the best biblical example of a mentor that I had ever had in my life.

Joy pushed me to be the person that God created me to be. She saw past the shy, introverted girl, and challenged me to go beyond myself and rely totally on God in me. Joy pushed me into leadership positions in college that I would have never pursued on my own or thought myself capable of.

I believe with all of my heart that my college experience was a positive and spiritually growing time for me because God put Joy in my life.

And with knowing Joy brings joy.

That has not changed. A week ago, I was able to visit with my sweet friend after not seeing her for a few years. We actually met up at the camp we first worked together at. It was exactly how I remembered being with her to be - a time of sweet fellowship filled with joy.

Joy, I love you. I love how God knitted our friendship together 14 summers ago. You are probably not even aware of how you have helped shape so much of the woman that I am today. Thank you. I count you as one of my most treasured friends. Looking forward to sharing eternity with you, and laughing over shaving our campers. {grin}
Joy and I with our babies. Our boys are almost exactly the same age - I believe just a day or two difference.

Don't forget to enter my give away! Saturday is the deadline.

.Never Say Never.

One would think one would learn her lesson.

home schooling

pastor's wife

adoption

transparency

hostess

Jesus freak

and the latest....




Taking a deep breath and admitting once again that I am not in control. He is. {sweet relief}

.A Girl, a Book, and her Bear.

It's like looking into a mirror and revisiting 25 plus years ago.