.God is up to Something.

I am unsure of what the outcome will be or what the future will look like, but God is definitely at work and has heard all of my cries and bottled all of my tears as I lay my head on my pillow each night. God is up to something that could possibly be BIG, BIG, BIG when it comes to my special Street Boy in Ethiopia.

I don't want to get into too many details, because I don't know too much (although if this whole thing works out like I am praying it will - I have a huge story to tell of how God orchestrated this. Let me just say that I am continuously marveling at the way He collides stories. His ways are so, so much higher than mine!) The first step is to find him and to find out if he is truly an orphaned street boy. Our guides were pretty sure that he was, but we will need to be certain of that. So we have a starting place, and a loose plan set in motion, and someone in Ethiopia to be our hands and feet right now. {squeal} We also have a meeting set up with that person when we travel to Ethiopia. So that we can discuss face-to-face the future of this precious child.

My heart breaks, just as it did in the Post Office District in Addis, when I met this sweet boy, when I look at his sad, haunted eyes. What unknown, tragic stories they hold. I need to tell him of my Jesus. I must tell him.

God certainly works in mysterious ways. Because this precious little boy has lodged himself into my heart just as snuggly as Jamesy has. I truly feel as if I have two Ethiopian sons. One, God is giving me the blessing of being his physical mommy, and perhaps the other I am just being called to be his spiritual mommy - to pray for him all the days of my life, to entrust him into the care of another, to provide for his needs an ocean away, and to love him like my own - though he can never truly be my own.

My little boy, with the sad dark eyes, do you know that this woman that hugged you tight has thought of you every single day since meeting you? Do you know how she fingers the beads of the treasured bracelet gift? Do you know she would go to battle for you and has been pleading for you every single day since coming home?

Little boy, do you know that across the ocean, a very different world away, is a woman forever changed because of our encounter, who loves you and prays for your heart, your life, and your safety every day?

And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me. Matthew 18:5

.Always on my Mind.

He's there. Crouched in the corners of my mind and tucked into the crevices of my heart. I didn't expect him to follow me so tightly home. I thought I would only be carrying one brown-eyed boy in my memory, but it's two that haunt me when my head begs sleep from my pillow. And it is the second one who is constant. Jamesy, oh I do miss him in an indescribably painful way, but at the same time his position is secure, so I can cling to that knowing. But that boy, who calls the streets of Addis home, makes me come undone. He makes me see differently - better. But it hurts more than I can bare at times.

I thought I had it figured out. I thought God was asking me to pray big, to pray the impossible, and believe that God could allow us to adopt him - an unadoptable street boy. Despite the protests of my husband (simply not wanting me to set my eyes on something completely futile and have my heart totally devastated), I prayed and pleaded and planned that somehow soon another brown-eyed boy - a boy I truly feel a motherly connection to - would become my son. But I think God is leading me another way. Bits and pieces of a brainstorm, a crazy scheme are formulating in my mind. It will take God to piece it together, but I am pleading in this direction for now.

We bought him shoes today. I have no idea if they are the right size, but I pray that they are or that he can sell them and have the money. I am filling a back pack for him. I am not sure of what. The shoes and maybe clothes and food, and a letter from me and a photo of us. He gave me his best when his dirty little hand thrust the beaded bracelet at me. I wish I could give him the world - a home. I want to tell him of Jesus and the hope that he can find in him. I am praying for this boy's redemption - both physical and spiritual.

He's always on my mind. He was there today as we shopped for diapers and wipes. It was his face I saw when we walked into a mall. I thought I needed to buy Jamesy a coming-home outfit. It was our first time trying to shop after Africa. And we couldn't do it. I wanted to vomit as I thought how all of it was frivolous, unnecessary, and how much money I had wasted over my life time in such a place on items that were not needed. Even in a thrift store I wrestled over a $2.00 pair of shoes that I did not need. I kept thinking about the other pairs that sat in my closet and the thousands of people all over the world that have none. How do I reconcile that? And how do I reconcile the fact that I bought them? When do I go back to normal? Or do I want to? I just don't care about the stuff anymore. All I want is to be in Africa and empty the rest of my life into those people and show them hope in Jesus. And I am angry that God is not calling us there.

But I am begging Him to do something big through us, through me. I'm just waiting for the next move and thinking about two little brown-eyed boys whom I lost my heart to. How can they be the least of these the way they occupy the most of my mind?