Jamesy has been home for one week, and we have been living out our attachment plan and cocooning. Some things in our plan have been altered, but overall we are doing things very much like we had planned to. And we are already seeing progress and healing.
When we met Jamesy in Ethiopia the first time, we found a very fearful, sensitive, timid, unhappy baby. We came home very much in love with Jamesy, but knew that a lot of pain and trauma was in his heart. On our gotcha day Jamesy cried as soon as he saw us - it was a blessing in disguise - he remembered us.
We made a lot of progress with Jamesy in Ethiopia. I believe it was a huge blessing for Jim and I to be able to devote our undivided attention to Jamesy. I want to share carefully (I feel that some things are too private for me to share about Jamesy) two ways healing has started to take place this week.
In Ethiopia Jamesy vomited every other bottle and choked and gagged several times during his feedings. We now believe, after a little research and talking with others, that it was an anxiety issue and even a coping mechanism as his world had just been drastically pulled out from under him. Within one week of having him home, he is tolerating all bottles and is eating huge mouthfuls of food with no gagging or choking. The other night he packed his little cheeks so full of food and then proceeded to use one finger to cram space into his mouth for more food! (This terrified me, but he swallowed it down just fine and went on for more.)
We have been very successful in almost completely stopping Jamesy from rocking his head to fall asleep. Children who have been institutionalized and not able to get the physical touch that they deserve and require, learn to self-sooth in this way. Jamesy would do this in order to rock himself to sleep. It was heart breaking to see. Now we rock him - every nap and at bedtime until he is soundly sleeping. If he wakes in the night I immediately pick him up before the self rocking starts, and I rock him myself.
We are still working on some very deeply embedded fear issues that Jamesy has. He is terrified that Jim or I will leave him. In Ethiopia he slept very well and soundly from 8 PM to 6-6:30 AM. However, he does not sleep well here. I do not believe it is as simple as getting accustomed to the time change either. Jamesy wakes up several times during nap and during the night in a complete panic that we have left him and cries in terror until one of us is able to calm him down with lots of cuddles and physical touch. I have rocked him for up to three hours on a few occasions in the middle of the night, only to eventually pull him into our bed and allow him to fall soundly asleep on my chest. We are praying through this right now - that God would break through this fear and pain. At this time we will just continue to meet his needs in this area, and reassure him every time he wakes up fearful. Some nights are better than others and all he simply needs is my hand on his back until the fear is gone and sleep comes. Some nights are hard as he needs to be plastered to me with his hands on my face before peace comes. It is heartbreaking as his mommy to bear, but it is worth it - so, so worth it! And the fact that Jamesy will allow us to comfort him and rock him is huge progress. On our first trip, he would not even tolerate us holding him in facing our body - now he craves it. God is good.
This week has been filled with giggles, lots of love, and tons of family time. Our church and staff was very, very gracious with Jim and allowed him to take most of this week off. I really think this time together has been invaluable. Cadi and Scotty are doing very well with the changes in our home. Cadi has been a huge help to us, and is learning what her appropriate role is as a big sister to Jamesy. Scotty has adjusted well. He adores Jamesy, but at times still needs to be treated like the family baby - and right now we allow that. This is a huge adjustment for him as he has been the baby for over two years. He is feeling out his role as a big brother very well, though, and I dare say he has grown up this past week.
Jim and I have been able to really enjoy each others company this week. I love playing on the living room floor with our three children and find my eyes catching Jim's across the room as if to say Can you believe this is our life?!
God has been so good, so gracious this week. I feel so blessed, so undeserving of this amazing privilege God has given me in choosing me to be the mommy of these three precious children.
If it is possible, I have fallen more in love with adoption this week. I truly wish everyone could experience this.
Addis Ababa Time