Dear Baby,

Sometimes I think that perhaps this is all a dream, or some very elaborate make-believe fabrication. But then I awake from my sleep feeling panicked, realizing that one of my children is missing from under our roof. Some looking in from the outside believe me to be melodramatic, but little do they know how much I don't say about you, about adoption, about orphans and what the gospel demands. I suppose one cannot understand the way our hearts are entwined to a baby half way around the world, who may or may not be growing in another woman's womb at this moment, unless they've walked this road before. The ache I feel and the longing for you to be here and to be safe is as real as it was with my other children. Only it is intensified, because I have absolutely no control over your first environment.

Daddy and I thought that we were going to make a big step in your direction this week. However, we ended up needing brake work on our vehicle. Sometimes it makes me angry that money stands between us and you. I know God is working this all for good, though. I can see His hand. Baby, you are changing the world before you even come into it! You are at least changing our world - opening our eyes to our narcissism, selfishness, materialism, making our heart beat out a different rhythm.

There is so much I long to say, but I am having trouble typing through my tear filled eyes and concentrating with the big lump throbbing in my throat. Please know that Daddy and Mommy are coming. I loved you before I met you. I loved you the first moment you were whispered into my ear and at the very first stitch into my heart. God has big plans for you, baby. I cannot wait to see them unfold. I cannot believe that I will be able to witness them and watch the Maker unfold your story, and that it will mingle with our story.

Until we bring you home,
All my Love,
Mommy

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