.On Preserving their Innocence (again).

It's not just boundaries and rules.

It's more than just cutting cable, eliminating movies, and secular music.

It's not enough to train our daughters to dress modestly, to teach our sons to bounce their eyes.

This issue lies in the heart - our heart as a parent and then our children's heart.

Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

We can go round and round about the tentacles of the issue for days. How should we dress our little girls? Should Disney movies be allowed? Is it okay to keep our cable? Etc., etc. But what it all comes down to is the motives in our heart. Each family must choose, for themselves, through prayer and searching out the Scriptures, what is right for their family. I cannot say what is right for your family and visa-versa. Yes, there are very clear Biblical standards that we all must abide by, and I am not debating those.

My last post was merely myself working out in writing how to do this for our family. I also wanted to bring light to a subject that I feel is all too often ignored in Christian circles. Some of the standards set by other families that I read in your comments were incredible, and gave me much to consider. Some I knew right away were not the right fit for our family, but I don't judge anyone for the conclusions they come to. I think as Christians, we have to be very careful with issues such as this. We need to be careful not to be self-righteous in our thinking and attitudes towards others who do not hold to the same standards. It is a balance. Yes, it is hard to decipher how to balance at times - how to speak the truth in love, but not be judgmental and self-righteous. I am earnestly praying to guard my own heart against this, because to be honest I have failed in this area more times than I care to admit.

Having set this as my prelude, I do want to highlight some of the comments that made me really think. I am sure not everyone got to read through them, and some were just too good to miss! Thank you for participating in the discussion. I loved that! I do enjoy hearing a variety of opinions, so please feel free to share if you have some thoughts. Let's just be respectful and keep it kind. {grin}

We are very cautious at what they [daughters] wear and now that they are 12 and 9, I am so thankful that we had those standards set in place before they started changing...I think that is the best way to say that. ;) I challenge you to keep your feet on the path you have laid before you now. It gets tough.

When we watch shows as a family, we have to turn off commercials, because many are completely inappropriate!

Running the risk of sounding like a boyscout, it's my job as Mommy to protect and prepare the kiddos. As much as I want to hide them away from the impurities of life, I know I also need to teach them to deal with them and why these things aren't beneficial or God honoring.

No one else is going to fight for our child's innocence. WE, their parents, have to be willing to fight for it.

But ultimately, we answer to our GOD not to man. He is the righteous Judge and lover of our souls...and the souls of our children. (Lord willing...)

I do, however, think we need to be very congnisant of how we're teaching it to our children. You were very good to point out in your post that these were choices that YOUR family is making and that you're not judging others. However, when we teach it to our children, I think we must be careful to teach them in the same vein so that we don't inadvertantly teach them to judge others.

While we need to filter what they see, we need to teach them how to deal with what they DO see, too.

My husband and I come from very immoral pasts and we are very sensitive to what we subject our children too, until their foundation is built and we are confident they are able to battle the world.

For me, the biggest challenge is modeling this behavior for my children.

We believe that our job as their parents is to protect them and teach them right from wrong. It doesn't matter what the world thinks is right; it matters what God thinks is right.

Obviously I can not shelter my children from seeing someone walking in a mall who is scantily clad or has decided the whole world is privileged to see her cleavage for free. But I can talk to my children about it when they are shocked that someone would want to represent themselves to the world that way.

I wish my parents had sheltered me more.

To me, the bottom line is that we are accountable for how we raise our own children, not whether other people think they're too sheltered or something.

And this last comment that I will share hits the nail on the head for me.

As far as the sheltering goes. I don't see that as a bad thing. God is the perfect example of a parent and he most definitely shelters us. All throughout the Psalms, the Bible talks about God being our Shelter.
Here is just one such passage:

Psalm 91:1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him. 3 For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease.

The other thing mentioned by other commenters is that when we 'shelter' our kids too much then they won't know how to deal with the world when they get out of the house. I don't think this is true either. As I mentioned in my earlier response, God tells us to be wise about what is good and simple about what is evil, and he tells us to get wisdom all throughout the proverbs and then tells us that wisdom is PURE... And the verse that Tiffany mentioned about thinking on things that are good and true and lovely, etc. Do you really think that God will tell us that, and then say "Well, you do that, but I'm not going to give you the skill and guidance to cope with the evils in the world when you go out into it." I mean, really? What kind of God do you think he is? He loves us, and guides us, and protects us, and leads us... Not just when we are sheltered in our home, but when we face the choices and evils of the world as well. Knowing what is good IS enough to guide us... God doesn't say we need to dabble in evil and sin and experience it on the fringes so that we know what we are up against. NOPE. He says he wants our hearts to be pure, good, true, honest, innocent... When you are full of light, it is easy to recognize darkness...

I loved seeing your hearts, dear readers. If this post brought something else to light for you, please share! It is so encouraging and interesting for me to read your thoughts!

Now I must go back into hiding for a bit! {wink}




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.Preserving their Innocence.

I have been thinking a lot lately about preserving my children's innocence. Now I do not want to get into a deep theological debate here, so let me be clear with that statement. Yes, I believe that my children were born into this world with a sin nature. No, I am not claiming that they are innocent in that sense. I am referring more to innocence in the way of "unknowing".

I talked a little bit about media here. I didn't delve into specifics too much, though. So today I am going to. Because I don't know about you, but as a mommy to two children, I am fed up with it.

I have to be honest with you first. In the post mentioned above, I said that we were cancelling our cable. That is where we were getting the funds to sponsor Gerlie - our child through Compassion International. Well, to make a very long story short - we didn't cancel. Our phone and internet are included in our cable package. We found out that if we canceled cable, we would have actually been paying more - ridiculous. We are sponsoring Gerlie. This was our second month supporting her. We have had no trouble accruing the funds to send to her - praise God! Cadi thinks that we do not have cable. We have not told her otherwise. So the children never watch it. I never turn it on during the day, and I seldom ever have. I would prefer to spend any down time another way. Anyway, I just wanted to get that out in the open.

Back to media.

Back to preserving my children's innocence - keeping them pure.

I am just struggling with knowing how to raise these two precious children in such a media driven, perverse world. Have you seen the immodest clothing that is already being pushed on our little girls? My husband is very sensitive about what our daughter wears, and I am so thankful for his wisdom and discernment in this area. I wasn't always so thankful. I didn't understand what we were up against at first. I remember when Cadi was a baby thinking that the itty bitty baby bikinis were so adorable, but Jim would not allow that on his daughter. I thought it was harmless and cute. However when I stopped to really think about it, I knew he was right. A bikini has been a sex symbol for years. We would not allow our teenage daughter to dress in a bikini, so why would we let our infant daughter, or toddler, or preschooler? And if you do allow your little girl to wear a bikini, I am not judging you, this is what we do in our family to preserve innocence.

It goes beyond clothing even. It seems as if the world/media is pushing our daughters to grow up faster and faster. Have you noticed? Have you seen the movies, the TV shows, the music pushed on our little girls? What is the harm? What gets sacrificed? Our children's childhood!! That is huge. I want to preserve my daughter's (and my son's) childhood for as long as I can. They only get it once. Why not make it long and sunny? (I have a whole post on this drafted up for Raising Homemakers. I will let you know when it publishes.)

I want to preserve Scotty's innocence by keeping him away from the images of scantily clad women that our culture is saturated in. So at 20 months he doesn't watch cable. But what do I do in "the real world"? I saw on The Duggar's show one time where they had a code word for the boys/men when out in public. If the women/girls saw another female dressed immodestly they would say this word, immediately the males would look at their feet and keep walking until they were told all is clear. Sounds a little extreme. Or does it? I am still mulling this over. I have a friend that does this with her son and husband.

What bothers me the most is the way we, as Christians, have been brain washed into thinking this loss of innocence is just normal and going to happen. That immodest clothing for little girls is cute, that inappropriate movies are funny, that sex education needs to be taught far too early, because we want them to hear it from us first etc. I have fallen prey to it before myself. But I am choosing to be more aware, to put my guard up, and to protect these children in my care. I am not going to concede to our society. I am not.

I believe that I have a God-given role in the life of my children to preserve their innocence. I am still working out exactly how. I do not want my children to be defenseless in our culture, but the Bible also tells me to dwell on what is pure, true, lovely.

Philippians4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.


I think my children's childhood should mirror this. The gift of innocence is a beautiful thing I can give to my children.



I do not want to stir up controversy, but I would love some discussion.
What do you do to preserve innocence in your children?
Have you thought about it before?




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