.She Goes to School..

I have been kind of quiet here about it. Actually, I think I have been silent. But for the first time ever, I sent my Cadi to school last week. Up until this point, I had home schooled her. I loved every moment that Cadi was by my side, and it is not over, as soon as we are in Ethiopia, I will be bringing her back home and teaching her, along with her big brother and her little brother. But for right now, God has made it very clear that school is absolutely where she belongs - in the same school as our Habi. I think I have not blogged about this, because to be honest, having to justify family decisions to the "world" is exhausting. I am tired of being judged. I am weary of the vindictiveness and self righteousness (all of which I admit to have fallen prey to before.) At the same time, I desire for this place to continue to be my safe spot. The place where I can come, pour out my heart through my fingertips, share my fears and passions, and just write. A place covered in grace, where I can be authentic, transparent  - just me. So to just ignore this decision in our life, doesn't really fit that.

The reason we sent Cadi to school is simple and complicated. Simply put, our life last year became way too busy, hurried, and chaotic. Habi was attending school over an hour away (one way), Jamesy had 3-4 therapy sessions in our home every week, we hosted small group, I homeschooled, and we were trying to manage through the first year of adjustment of bringing a child into our home - a teenage child and Jamesy's new diagnosis of Autism. Homework with an ESL student was consuming, and so was his grief. On top of everything, the Spirit was working very certainly in our hearts, and we knew that He was moving us on from our church and ministry. We were restless, confused, dazed, and exhausted. We were lonely and desperate for help. I was burned out. I was depressed. I was anxious. I couldn't do it all. I couldn't keep up, and my family suffered. My babies suffered. My hubby suffered. I suffered. We knew that Habi belonged in our home and in our family. God had done amazing things to get him to us, but our life was spinning wildly out of control.

I felt nothing but weariness every single day as I dragged myself out of bed, most nights only sleeping a few hours at best. Every time I pulled out our curriculum my body would tense - the joy was completely gone. And even now, looking back, my throat burns, I don't remember too much of the school year. I took too few photos, there were no fun crafts, the memories are more bitter than sweet. I knew that I couldn't go on one more year like that. My heart grew heavier as the days flew by. I felt like a failure, like I had zapped the joy right out of Cadi's education. I wasn't the same mommy as the year before or the three years before that. I felt the weight of her education on my shoulders, and I crumpled when it coupled with the other weights of last year. I cried and pleaded for help in our small group, but what it honestly came down to was me surrendering my Cadi to Him.  I had to open my hands and release my control and truthfully idolatry. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I thought that I was a "life-time homeschooler". I had made so many arguments to that affect, but God made it very clear that I needed to trust Him enough with my daughter that I could send her off to school.

So I did. Last Wednesday, I kissed her sweet cheeks, prayed with her, and sent her off to third grade - without me.

In the meantime I am trusting Him to heal me. I have so many hurts from last year, and honestly am still so exhausted. But I am starting to see a ray of hope. We now live about 3 blocks from the school that my children attend. Scotty is home with me, and we are doing a very relaxed kindergarten, and so far it has been exactly what I need to remind myself again why I really do LOVE homeschooling. It has been so precious to spend some one-on-one time with my Scotty - something he has admittedly not gotten much of with the past few years of craziness. Jamesy is spending part of the morning with us - coloring, singing, and even picking up some letter sounds! The other time he is snug in the arms of his daddy. We only school for about 2 hours, and then the boys play together, and I am able to do laundry, meal plan, cook, bake, READ, and just enjoy breathing again. I can go for walks, sip coffee, linger over passages in the Bible - all things that had been sacrificed last year. My days are slower, calmer, and more peaceful. I finally feel as if my family is coming back together, and that I am being put back together. Every afternoon I am so anxious for my oldest two to be back with us, but I adore hearing their school stories and can see how good this is for them. We have a lovely school, and I am so thankful for that. God knew what He was doing. He always does. He always has our best in mind - even when it looks different than I imagined.

So that is that. I quit homeschooling, and I sent Cadi to school. This is our imperfect journey. It might look differently from your imperfect journey. Let's let that be okay. Let's just keep loving and passing around the candy bowls filled with sweet grace and mercy. Because I sure know that I could use some, and my guess is that so can you. I am still growing, changing, and learning, and striving to live ABUNDANTLY. And for now, that means, she goes to school.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. ~John 10:10

.Have I Mentioned.

Have I mentioned how much our family loves Classical Conversations, and how beautifully it is working out for us?















These were taken at our Classical Conversations Christmas party from last night.

.We've Found our Groove....& it Feels Groovy.

Whew. We are in the middle of our fifth week of first grade, and I do believe we have finally settled into a really great groove. Oh, it's not perfect, so don't be fooled. Our days are filled with mess, chaos, and disruptions, but I am finally able to see how it is all blanketed in grace. I am feeling the best I ever have about homeschooling this year. I think it is because I have relaxed a bit, grown a smidgen, and finally found some home school connections with families through Classical Conversations.



We have only been to CC twice - due to getting a late start with area flooding, but it is already working so, so well for us. Cadi is thriving, and absolutely loves going to CC and doing CC work at home. It is the perfect fit for her, as Jim said on Monday afternoon. And it really is. I definitely do not think that it would work for all families or be something that would appeal to everyone, but for us I do believe we have finally found IT. I write finally as if we have been in this so long, which I am sure is hilarious to veteran homeschoolers. This is only our fourth year - our second official year.





What I am loving most about CC is the community and the support. I cannot help but also be drawn to the fact that there is a culture of adoption within our group, which of course thrills me. We just do not have that here -please do not misunderstand me - there are people here who have been extremely supportive and encouraging, but I have to be honest and say that there truly is no culture of adoption here. We definitely pray that will change in the future, but for now it is so good for our children to see that there are other families like ours. So this is refreshing to be a part of a group where families come in all different colors, where there is a heart for global missions (In Cadi's class there is a little girl whose family just came home from being on the mission field in Cameroon, Africa!), and where making God known is a priority. Plus everyone is so friendly and kind. It is lovely for me to sit back in Cadi's class on Mondays and soak everything in. It renews me for our week ahead at home. Jim likes the fact that CC teaches Cadi how to go home and apply throughout the week what she has learned in that one group setting - kind of like church. His hope is that in the future CC will have modeled for her how to, not only be a hearer of the Word on Sundays, but a doer throughout the week. I never thought of it that way, but he made a great point.

Academically speaking my favorite part of CC is the way History is taught. It is truly taught as His story. The children learn a timeline of History starting with creation and then incorporating the history of the world in chronological order rather than breaking everything up into a random order. I am learning so much myself! I also love the focus that CC Foundations puts into skip counting. I feel as if this is really going to help my children with multiplication in the future. I truly wish I had been taught this way.



Cadi reciting her memory work for week one. (You will have to scroll down and pause my playlist before playing)

I also am really pleased that CC has public speaking built into it in a big way. Each week the students have to give an oral presentation. By the time students are in highschool in CC they will be able to articulately and biblically debate and share what they believe. I find this so vital, and it is a weakness of mine. So I am thrilled that my children will have exposure to public speaking.



Cadi had to narrate a Bible story using pictures - very Charlotte Mason-esque. I loved this.

Things at home are going great, too! I love the curriculi that we chose for this year. I am especially loving A Reason for Spelling. This is our first year doing Spelling, and I was not really sure what to expect from Cadi. She seemed to be a natural speller, but I wasn't sure what curriculum would be the best fit. I am glad I landed on this. It is really fun! The suggested activities have been great. She has made spelling puzzles, spelled words in shaving cream, written words on the sidewalk in chalk, written her words in a fat marker and then decorated each letter etc, etc. The games are endless. I love that she is not copying her spelling list two times daily or orally spelling her words over and over. We have not studied for one test, all of the learning has been natural, and she has aced each test easily, and I really do believe it is due to this great curriculum. I also love that the weekly story and verse used matches our handwriting and Bible. It just really helps re-enforce some great truths for our lives.



The boys have finally adjusted to school in the morning, and I am doing better juggling them while schooling Cadi. We are all in this together. I keep reminding myself that as Charlotte Mason once said education truly is an atmosphere. I pray that the atmosphere here is one that always points my children back to the Author and Finisher of life.



So, yes, we've found our groove after five weeks, and it does indeed feel groovy. {grin}



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.She Wished She had Baked Less Bread.

I read a blog article a few days back about blind spots in homeschooling. It made me take a deep breath and think. There was one part of the article that really struck a chord with me. This is what the author had to say:

A friend of mine, a homeschool mom, just passed away of cancer. In the week before she died, I asked her if she had any regrets in her life. She told me she wished she had baked less bread - she said if she had it to do over again she would buy bread and spend more time with her children. (emphasis mine)

I have been convicted in the last several months to year of things very similar to this in my own life. For about two years I poured a lot of time, energy, and money into feeding my family as naturally and organically as possible, and I was consumed by living healthy. I spent a lot of time making things from scratch and preaching on the need for people to get back to eating naturally. It in and of itself was and is a good thing. A very good thing. I do want to be healthy, and I want my children to be healthy, but not at the expense of relationships or cherishing moments with my children or sharing the gospel with the world. There is nothing wrong with grinding wheat berries and scouring books on eating the way Jesus did, but it consumed me. So I have had to step back. I still want to feed my family healthy foods, and I still make much of our food from scratch. But I am thankful and praise God to be able to write that it no longer consumes me.

Yes, there are certain things we still do that come easily to me - like trading our white pasta for whole wheat, and eating homemade foods versus packaged/processed foods. But I am not more spiritual than the next mom who feeds her children lunchables. Just eating healthy did not bring me closer to God or make me a better Christiam. I am learning to expend my energy in other better things. I am sure an organic/whole food activist could argue this, but I see in Scripture where it is my Christian mandate to advocate and speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves - orphans, widows, the poor and destitute (Proverbs 31:8, Micah 6:8, Isaiah 1:17), and I do not see a Christian mandate for me to feed my family completely organically/naturally. So, I have been working on not being consumed by that, and rather being consuned by Jesus Christ and his demands on my life. It's the best....well the only thing worth being consumed by.

That is just one example of where God has been pointing out a blind spot to me. I could probably sit here and think of ten more, and humble myself enough to relate to much of what was written in that article. I am thankful that God continues to work on me, and I pray that he breaks me over and over inorder that I would reflect Jesus in me.

Please head over to Josh Harris's blog, and read the article for yourself. I do believe it pertains to Christians in general and not only homeschoolers, although the article is targeted to the latter. Then hop back here and let me know what you think. I would love to hear your thoughts and have some dialogue with you.

.Week One Recap.

This is mainly for my own memory keepsake, but perhaps if you homeschool or are interested in homeschooling this will be interesting to you. I really hope to keep this up every week. I have always been faithful about taking photos throughout the school year, but I would really love to try to journal my way through it this year.

We finished our first week of first grade. The week was good, busy, exhausting, and fulfilling. First grade is a lot more intense than kindergarten was. I still try to take a gentle approach, but Cadi is a sponge and I want to take advantage of this period right now. So I push, and she takes it very well, and seems to really enjoy it. Jim keeps saying that Cadi will love and thrive in Classical Conversations (which start next Monday) because she loves to be challenged. I think he is right.

I am still struggling to juggle the boys while Cadi and I do school. My limits were tested this week, and it was only Christ in me that I was able to give grace and patience. I fell into bed every night as exhausted as if I had taught a full classroom of children. I am still trying to creatively brainstorm for my little boys. I have just been begging God each morning to give me creativity.



We have found a really good rhythm for our days. I wake before anyone else in the family and sneak downstairs to spend some quiet time with God in His word and in earnest prayer. I am studying the fruit of the Spirit right now, and God is really impressing upon my heart how to truly live in the Spirit and how to let the Spirit live through me. I was left breathless some mornings understanding this privilege I have been given to be used as a vessel by GOD.

In the quiet of morning, I prepare breakfast, coffee, set the table, and laid out our Bible lesson (which Daddy teaches at breakfast), then I wake the children and Jim, and we all enjoy a slow, thoughtful time over breakfast each morning. This worked beautifully. Not too much of a change from last year - just refined a bit. Jim then gets ready for work and leaves, and Cadi begins her chore pack (which I can explain in a future post if there is interest. This is her second year using it, and I love it!), I dress the boys, and then I begin my morning chores while the boys play. Cadi finishes her chorepack and then does a half hour of independent reading. She has to read one chapter from a chapter book and then she can read picture books. I noticed the boys joined her looking at books several days last week, and I love that. If I finish my chores than I grab a book and read as well. I think it is really important for my children to see Jim and I reading.

We then start our school day starting with Math then moving on to Phonics, Reading, Grammar, Spelling, History/Science/Health (depending on the day), Handwriting, and once Classical Conversations starts we will also set aside a time to review our memory work for that.

We are busy and move right along. The morning flies by, and I am hoping to be done by lunch everyday. This week we had a few days where we did school after lunch until 2:00, but I do not think that will be the norm. Our day ends with our family gathered together again and Jim sharing from the Word.



So far my favorite parts of our curriculum is the spelling and history that we chose. It is so much fun to watch Cadi grasp spelling in fun ways without having to drill words at all. And the history is taught in such a beautiful story form - I actually learned a ton this week right along with Cadi! I am amazed at the progress that Cadi has made since last year - her attention span has increased, her fine motor skills have developed more, her understanding has soared, her reading skills leave me speechless.



There were hard parts to my week, but God's strength was evident in my weakness. As tomorrow begins our second week I am so thankful for this journey God has us on, and I count it such a privilege to be able to teach my daughter at home this year.





PS Nothing to do with homeschooling really, but I caved to Pinterest. I actually joined early this summer after receiving an invite from a bloggy friend, but then got talked out of doing anything with it by facebook friends. Everyone said it was a waste of time. I do not have time to waste. However, I have been getting increasingly frustrated with my mess of bookmarks/favorites. I also did not want to risk losing them all like I had when our computer crashed this past winter. So I looked into Pinterest again. It. Is. Amazing. I have no regrets for caving. I am basically using it to plug all of my bookmarks in. It organizes them into categories using a visual for each link. It is so pretty! One could spend hours on there and waste time. I am trying to use is just for my bookmarks (I have about 3/4 of mine on Pinterest, and am working away at it as I have time.), although I have found a few cool things that I just had to repin. You can check out my Pinterest here, and think about joining yourself if you have not already caved.

.First Day of First Grade.