And we're done.
I'm still not sure if I can put words to what I have learned this month or how God has prodded my heart. Excess is such an ugly word. Until this month I didn't really comprehend just how much excess had crept into my heart and my home. It's everywhere. It leaves me empty and longing for more - which is funny since excess is more and more and more. Excess doesn't satisfy, though.
I am realizing that my heart has some empty places in it, and I am still pressing into Jesus about that, but what has come to light this month is that I had been filling those empty places, not with Jesus, but with excess. Because empty places beg to be filled with something.
This month swelled and took on a face of it's own. It turned into something bigger than simply fasting on 7 foods. In the past 31 days, God has used this time to break some bad habits when it comes to food. The amazing thing about breaking bad habits is that growth can begin to happen again in areas that were stunted or stagnant. Self discipline was obviously huge this month, but I learned it wasn't me doing it, it was Christ in me helping me to say no to foods outside of my 7. There were moments that were hard. Really hard. Giving up coffee was really hard. The week withdrawal was physically painful, but that alone was eye-opening. By mid morning I was groggy, grouchy, and headachey, and my children got the brunt of it. I learned in those moments that as much as I thought I was relying on Jesus to carry me through my day, perhaps I had been leaning on coffee a little too hard. Let me be clear, I am having a cup of coffee in the morning, and I will enjoy it. But I don't need it anymore.
The excess of food in my life was distracting me from God, and I didn't even know it. Pairing it all down to 7, shone a bright light on that fact. If excess of food got in the way of me seeking hard after God, what is excess in other areas doing to that relationship?
I want to fix my heart on Jesus. I want to follow Him every single day with my whole heart, my whole being. This 31 days was just a start. We have 6 more months of this mutiny of excess. I don't want anything crowding out God in my life.
I surrender. Again. I want to continue to make radical changes in these areas of excess. If nothing else, these 31 days recalibrated something inside of my heart. And that alone has made this experiment worth it.
But I do more than thank. I ask - ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory - to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for Christians, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him - endless energy, boundless strength! Ephesians 1:17-19.
Showing posts with label Jen Hatmaker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jen Hatmaker. Show all posts
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
.Day 26 of 7.
I almost forgot to blog tonight. It has been such a fun, full day with my sweet, little family. I am so thankful for these littles that run around our home and for an amazing husband to spend my life with. {happy sigh}It was a sunny, happy day - a great way to spend our first summer weekend. I am looking forward to sitting down this week and writing out a summer bucket list with my kiddos. I am praying fervently that our sweet teenage boy will be joining us this summer as well!
Tomorrow Jim officiates his first wedding. The wedding is for a sweet friend of ours, whom we worked with at the summer camp where Jim was the Program Director prior to becoming a pastor. I am really looking forward to getting away for the evening with just Jim, and I am looking forward to dressing up....and eating.
Jim and I have gone back and forth all month about how we would proceed with 7 during this wedding. We finally came to the conclusion that we are going to enjoy the meal at the wedding - even though it will certainly not be 7 sanctioned. Our meals have all been paid for by the bride, and we really want to be gracious guests, and not be rude or make anyone uncomfortable. So we have decided that we will eat. I am honestly a little nervous about how my stomach will react to food outside of the 7 that we have been eating. 26 days is a long time.
On Monday we will start right back with 7. I think. We have wavered back and forth with having today be our last day, because my parents have invited us over for a big BBQ/picnic, but I am not sure if I really want to throw the towel in at 26 days and not complete the month. Our last day is Thursday. We have made is so far!
This is when I really, really need that counsel.
Coffee in the morning does sound divine, though.
What do you think?
Tomorrow Jim officiates his first wedding. The wedding is for a sweet friend of ours, whom we worked with at the summer camp where Jim was the Program Director prior to becoming a pastor. I am really looking forward to getting away for the evening with just Jim, and I am looking forward to dressing up....and eating.
Jim and I have gone back and forth all month about how we would proceed with 7 during this wedding. We finally came to the conclusion that we are going to enjoy the meal at the wedding - even though it will certainly not be 7 sanctioned. Our meals have all been paid for by the bride, and we really want to be gracious guests, and not be rude or make anyone uncomfortable. So we have decided that we will eat. I am honestly a little nervous about how my stomach will react to food outside of the 7 that we have been eating. 26 days is a long time.
On Monday we will start right back with 7. I think. We have wavered back and forth with having today be our last day, because my parents have invited us over for a big BBQ/picnic, but I am not sure if I really want to throw the towel in at 26 days and not complete the month. Our last day is Thursday. We have made is so far!
This is when I really, really need that counsel.
Coffee in the morning does sound divine, though.
What do you think?
Thursday, May 10, 2012
.Day 10 of 7.
I am just going to admit it.
I am ready for new foods. Ten days in and my taste buds are bored.
But I am not giving up or in. God is doing something with this! Today my thoughts have been far away, dreaming about how our family can dive into the marginalized right here in our community. Our heart will always be passionate about Ethiopia, and I know that we will always, always have a relationship with Ethiopia - including yearly mission trips, adoption, orphan care, and anything else that God lays on our heart. Perhaps someday it will be long term. But right now, we are here. In a small, rural, farming community that has its own marginalized people walking among us. Yes, the needs here are different then the needs in Ethiopia. The poverty is not the same, and that is why I feel we must have our hands moving in both places right now - for us it cannot be an either or. Since last night's small group, my mind has been ruminating on the story of the good Samaritan, and God's biggest two commandments for our life. 1. Loving God with our entire being. 2. Loving People - our neighbor.
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” Luke 10:25-37
We had a good discussion about who our neighbor really is, and concluded that it is any person who we come across that is in need. To not show mercy, compassion, kindness, justice, etc. on that person is just wrong.
That stings.
I have failed in this. Through reading 7, and throughout the journey God has taken us on this past year, I am beginning to truly grasp how much God's heart is for the outcast - the marginalized. If Jesus was here, in my city, right now, I know exactly where He would be ministering, and who He would be showing love and mercy and compassion, too. Those people look a bit differently than most of the people that darken our doorway on Sunday morning at our church. And guess what? I am ashamed and begging forgiveness from God, because I am not ministering to those people. Today I started searching my heart, praying, and begging God to please humanize the poverty right here in my hometown, and break my heart for the people that break His heart in my town. I think I am ready to get a little messy, right here where I live, for the sake of the Gospel, for the sake of following my Jesus. {deep breath} So much more where that came from, but not now.
Now I will answer a few of the questions about 7 that have been asked of me.
1) Are your kids doing this challenge also? If so, do they understand why and are they feeling God speak to them also? (I mean this honestly truthfully sincere, I feel like it's coming across as me making fun of you and I promise I'm not)
This was the most asked question! No, my children are not doing the fast with us. My children are 6,3,and 2, and are in no way spiritually mature enough to understand the reasons for a fast. However, with our six year old we have talked a lot about 7 in front of her and with her. She has a very sensitive heart, and I believe that God has placed in her a real desire to love hurting people. She knows the realities of many children around the world, and prays heartily for them. This experiment continues to open her eyes to the blessings around us, and I am thankful that she is seeing this at such a young age. Having said all of that, our children have eaten many of the same dinners as we have (chicken and sweet potatoes!), however, I typically throw in an extra veggie or two for them as well. For breakfast and lunch they eat their typical foods - yogurt, veggies, and sandwiches. Tonight I made them macaroni and cheese and veggies, because I thought they could use a chicken break!
2) Are spices off limits? I was thinking even some of the poorest area of the world still utilize herbs and spices to their advantage.
It's really hard to fully describe this experiment to someone who has not read the book. It tends to come off as very legalistic, which it is not. at. all. How the experiment works is up to the interpretation of each individual and how they want to follow through with the fast. Some people gave up 7 foods for a month, some chose only 7 to eat (like us), some only gave up desserts or sugar, some just coffee, some fasted for 1 week, etc. We chose to do the fast very similarly to the way the author did, so in doing that we have limited our diet to 7 foods, water, salt, pepper, and olive oil. No other herbs or spices are allowed for us.
3) How did you decide on the foods you chose? They're quite brilliant, but I'm wondering what your thought process was.
The author of the book actually consulted experts and nutritionists for her 7 foods, so we took her list and tweaked it to our taste buds. We also took into consideration some foods that friends of ours who had done the fast before us wish they had chosen (like peanut butter). would we choose the same 7 foods again.....mmmmmm probably not! We have learned a lot in these 10 days!
I am ready for new foods. Ten days in and my taste buds are bored.
But I am not giving up or in. God is doing something with this! Today my thoughts have been far away, dreaming about how our family can dive into the marginalized right here in our community. Our heart will always be passionate about Ethiopia, and I know that we will always, always have a relationship with Ethiopia - including yearly mission trips, adoption, orphan care, and anything else that God lays on our heart. Perhaps someday it will be long term. But right now, we are here. In a small, rural, farming community that has its own marginalized people walking among us. Yes, the needs here are different then the needs in Ethiopia. The poverty is not the same, and that is why I feel we must have our hands moving in both places right now - for us it cannot be an either or. Since last night's small group, my mind has been ruminating on the story of the good Samaritan, and God's biggest two commandments for our life. 1. Loving God with our entire being. 2. Loving People - our neighbor.
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” Luke 10:25-37
We had a good discussion about who our neighbor really is, and concluded that it is any person who we come across that is in need. To not show mercy, compassion, kindness, justice, etc. on that person is just wrong.
That stings.
I have failed in this. Through reading 7, and throughout the journey God has taken us on this past year, I am beginning to truly grasp how much God's heart is for the outcast - the marginalized. If Jesus was here, in my city, right now, I know exactly where He would be ministering, and who He would be showing love and mercy and compassion, too. Those people look a bit differently than most of the people that darken our doorway on Sunday morning at our church. And guess what? I am ashamed and begging forgiveness from God, because I am not ministering to those people. Today I started searching my heart, praying, and begging God to please humanize the poverty right here in my hometown, and break my heart for the people that break His heart in my town. I think I am ready to get a little messy, right here where I live, for the sake of the Gospel, for the sake of following my Jesus. {deep breath} So much more where that came from, but not now.
Now I will answer a few of the questions about 7 that have been asked of me.
1) Are your kids doing this challenge also? If so, do they understand why and are they feeling God speak to them also? (I mean this honestly truthfully sincere, I feel like it's coming across as me making fun of you and I promise I'm not)
This was the most asked question! No, my children are not doing the fast with us. My children are 6,3,and 2, and are in no way spiritually mature enough to understand the reasons for a fast. However, with our six year old we have talked a lot about 7 in front of her and with her. She has a very sensitive heart, and I believe that God has placed in her a real desire to love hurting people. She knows the realities of many children around the world, and prays heartily for them. This experiment continues to open her eyes to the blessings around us, and I am thankful that she is seeing this at such a young age. Having said all of that, our children have eaten many of the same dinners as we have (chicken and sweet potatoes!), however, I typically throw in an extra veggie or two for them as well. For breakfast and lunch they eat their typical foods - yogurt, veggies, and sandwiches. Tonight I made them macaroni and cheese and veggies, because I thought they could use a chicken break!
2) Are spices off limits? I was thinking even some of the poorest area of the world still utilize herbs and spices to their advantage.
It's really hard to fully describe this experiment to someone who has not read the book. It tends to come off as very legalistic, which it is not. at. all. How the experiment works is up to the interpretation of each individual and how they want to follow through with the fast. Some people gave up 7 foods for a month, some chose only 7 to eat (like us), some only gave up desserts or sugar, some just coffee, some fasted for 1 week, etc. We chose to do the fast very similarly to the way the author did, so in doing that we have limited our diet to 7 foods, water, salt, pepper, and olive oil. No other herbs or spices are allowed for us.
3) How did you decide on the foods you chose? They're quite brilliant, but I'm wondering what your thought process was.
The author of the book actually consulted experts and nutritionists for her 7 foods, so we took her list and tweaked it to our taste buds. We also took into consideration some foods that friends of ours who had done the fast before us wish they had chosen (like peanut butter). would we choose the same 7 foods again.....mmmmmm probably not! We have learned a lot in these 10 days!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
.Day #8 of 7.
I guess what is striking me the most is that even with reducing my food choices to 7, I am still overwhelmingly, abundantly, blessed and privileged. With only 7 foods, I still receive adequate nutrition, and I have not gone to bed hungry. I am not even sure that I know what real hunger feels like.
Mama.
He spoke today over Skype, in that beautiful, soft voice, with his gorgeous smile stretched across his chocolate skin.
I ate meat today! Tibs.
The excitement radiating from him was palpable, and I swallowed hard past a lump in my throat. He went on to explain how a kind foreigner had invited him out for a meal, and how he was able to fill his hungry belly for the first time in quite awhile.
In that moment the contrast between his world and mine was even more glaringly apparent. I felt sick. It's been eight days, and I have eaten meat, granted chicken, every single one of those eight days. Instead of exclaiming my thanksgiving I sigh over chicken again.
I don't know what is wrong with me. Why am I not more thankful for every single grace gift in my life? I sit here surrounded by luxury after luxury - all undeserved. I am moved to tears, and haven't the words to write all that's in my heart. And God's gracious gifts don't stop, as I type another gift is set on my counter. My husband just walked in with a gallon of cider that I will warm up and slowly savor.
But in this moment I understand - the veil is lifted for now, and I am thanking God for this cider. This gift. This undeserved, glorious blessing.
And God, thank you that I got to eat meat today!
Mama.
He spoke today over Skype, in that beautiful, soft voice, with his gorgeous smile stretched across his chocolate skin.
I ate meat today! Tibs.
The excitement radiating from him was palpable, and I swallowed hard past a lump in my throat. He went on to explain how a kind foreigner had invited him out for a meal, and how he was able to fill his hungry belly for the first time in quite awhile.
In that moment the contrast between his world and mine was even more glaringly apparent. I felt sick. It's been eight days, and I have eaten meat, granted chicken, every single one of those eight days. Instead of exclaiming my thanksgiving I sigh over chicken again.
I don't know what is wrong with me. Why am I not more thankful for every single grace gift in my life? I sit here surrounded by luxury after luxury - all undeserved. I am moved to tears, and haven't the words to write all that's in my heart. And God's gracious gifts don't stop, as I type another gift is set on my counter. My husband just walked in with a gallon of cider that I will warm up and slowly savor.
But in this moment I understand - the veil is lifted for now, and I am thanking God for this cider. This gift. This undeserved, glorious blessing.
And God, thank you that I got to eat meat today!
Monday, May 7, 2012
.Day #7 of 7.
Today completes week number one. So far God has not done anything miraculously life changing to me in this experiment, and He doesn't have to. It's in the little things that I am noticing His hands molding my heart, as I try to be intentional about pressing into Him. Perhaps all of these little things will eventually snowball into something bigger.
It seems as if I have been studying the fruit of the Spirit forever. This morning I was studying joy. I happened upon a definition and this is how I sum it up: joy is what happens to us when we find God in any and every circumstance where we are seeking Him. This is what I want in my life. I want the joy that comes from finding God everywhere in everything - the glorious in the mundane and in the not-so-mundane. I want joy in the midst of this 7 experiment, and I can obtain joy when I seek God and find Him right here in this fast. Not very earth shattering on the surface, but for me this little nugget of truth seeped into my heart and burrowed itself snug inside today.
Only hours after my study on joy, I read this quote; feast with thanksgiving to show that God is good to give us such gifts. Fast with joy to say God is better than his gifts. ~John Piper
And He indeed is better than His gifts! For 32 years I have been given the amazing gift of choices and endless options when it comes to food - with honestly little thought to what a grace gift it is and little authentic thanksgiving over the blessings poured out on me. But today, with only 7 choices before me, it is easier to see what a gift I have been given. And truly, God is so much better, so much sweeter, so much more satisfying than His gifts. Today I am hungry for God.
And that brings JOY!
I am continuing to press into Jesus, and I am begging God for joy in this fast.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13
I am praying this tonight. Praying about what it really means to seek my Savior with all of my heart.
It seems as if I have been studying the fruit of the Spirit forever. This morning I was studying joy. I happened upon a definition and this is how I sum it up: joy is what happens to us when we find God in any and every circumstance where we are seeking Him. This is what I want in my life. I want the joy that comes from finding God everywhere in everything - the glorious in the mundane and in the not-so-mundane. I want joy in the midst of this 7 experiment, and I can obtain joy when I seek God and find Him right here in this fast. Not very earth shattering on the surface, but for me this little nugget of truth seeped into my heart and burrowed itself snug inside today.
Only hours after my study on joy, I read this quote; feast with thanksgiving to show that God is good to give us such gifts. Fast with joy to say God is better than his gifts. ~John Piper
And He indeed is better than His gifts! For 32 years I have been given the amazing gift of choices and endless options when it comes to food - with honestly little thought to what a grace gift it is and little authentic thanksgiving over the blessings poured out on me. But today, with only 7 choices before me, it is easier to see what a gift I have been given. And truly, God is so much better, so much sweeter, so much more satisfying than His gifts. Today I am hungry for God.
And that brings JOY!
I am continuing to press into Jesus, and I am begging God for joy in this fast.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13
I am praying this tonight. Praying about what it really means to seek my Savior with all of my heart.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
.Day #6 of 7.
I awoke with a terrible pinched nerve. I suffer these on occasion. Praying to find relief. I can barely pluck out anything on my keyboard.
Today was a good day (besides the pinched nerve and the pain it is causing). Sweet worship and baptisms at church this morning followed by fellowship for lunch (and I didn't even really mind eating my whole wheat bread with peanut butter and apple) and into the afternoon with our mission trip team for Ethiopia this summer.
I feel God working in my heart, preparing me for this life-changing trip. I just want to be a vessel filled with the Spirit.
But before I can be filled I have to empty self.
That is part of where this 7 journey is taking me.
Thinking on that tonight while I wait for my peanut butter yogurt drops to freeze.
Today was a good day (besides the pinched nerve and the pain it is causing). Sweet worship and baptisms at church this morning followed by fellowship for lunch (and I didn't even really mind eating my whole wheat bread with peanut butter and apple) and into the afternoon with our mission trip team for Ethiopia this summer.
I feel God working in my heart, preparing me for this life-changing trip. I just want to be a vessel filled with the Spirit.
But before I can be filled I have to empty self.
That is part of where this 7 journey is taking me.
Thinking on that tonight while I wait for my peanut butter yogurt drops to freeze.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
.Day #5 of 7.
I am learning what an inappropriate relationship I have with food, and how much it consumes my life.
Now this 7 challenge is not at all a diet, it is not for the purpose of losing weight or getting healthy. Remember it is an open ended experiment, where we have cut back to 7 basic foods, and then we wait for the Holy Spirit to work. But today I realized just how much we center our life around food - speaking specifically about my family.
We awoke early to hit up a neighborhood/community yard sale. I have a needs list a mile long (we ran out of hand-me-downs for Scotty and Cadi. They need a fall/winter wardrobe and a start on the next spring/summer, and I am stocking up for a certain teenage boy - hopefully more to come on that later), so I felt like I could reconcile yard saling this summer. Last year I fasted from them - I had no needs list - and I am famous for picking up items just because they are cheap, and we may need them in the future. But all of those quarters add up to foolishly wasting our money, and really does my daughter need twenty dresses, or ten hoodies, or do I need another pair of jeans?? For my family, the answer is a firm no. So I am cautiously yard saling this summer, with needs list tightly in hand - trying to only focus on that list.
We did well today, and we had fun together as a family. We were there for a little over three hours this morning. By noon we were all hungry, so we walked to a home that was selling hot dogs, chips, and soda to support cancer research. Let me tell you how amazing those hot dogs smelled! I am not typically a hot dog lover either. We rarely eat them, but in that moment I wanted one so much. We were having fun, laughing, enjoying our time together, excited about some great deals we had found, and I wanted to celebrate the moment - the way we always celebrate - with good food. (Okay, okay, I know it has been only 5 days, but in that moment even a hot dog sounded like good food!) And I do this all of the time. I kick off our weekends with a Friday night family pizza party. We celebrate a fun, hot summer day with an ice cream cone. It's not necessarily wrong or bad, either. I was just alarmed that for a few moments while I threw a pity party inside my head, over not being able to eat the hot dog or Cheetos, I actually thought our whole experience was somehow ruined. Now the moment passed, and I regained clarity, along with a raging headache that an apple did little to cure, but it also startled me into realizing the inappropriate relationship I have with food.
Perhaps this little experiment is relearning how to tell myself No, Tiff, you do not need that hot dog. And then realizing that nothing changed. I still had an exceptionally fun day with my family and the food was inconsequential. Perhaps in this self discipline of 7 I am dusting off a little piece of my heart and clearing away some of the junk that has lived there when it comes to my relationship with food. Maybe in doing this I will start to see new growth. Maybe there will now be room for the Holy Spirit to move and grow me in a new direction - in a way that I have never been able to grow before. I do not know, and I do not want to over spiritualize this experiment. But I feel something softening and stirring, and I feel more alert to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.
So for now I will take it. I think I have been distracted by so much of the excess in my life - food included. By eliminating, it seems I am emptying a lot of junk that has taken up residence in my heart. Little by little I pray to become more consumed with God and less enamored with all of these choices - this excess surrounding me, and if that means letting it go and giving up some of the choices and excess. So be it. I am willing.
Jim on day #5. Honestly, he is doing so great. It is a blessing to go through this with him by my side. I am excited to see what God has to teach us together in this experiment as well as individually.
Now this 7 challenge is not at all a diet, it is not for the purpose of losing weight or getting healthy. Remember it is an open ended experiment, where we have cut back to 7 basic foods, and then we wait for the Holy Spirit to work. But today I realized just how much we center our life around food - speaking specifically about my family.
We awoke early to hit up a neighborhood/community yard sale. I have a needs list a mile long (we ran out of hand-me-downs for Scotty and Cadi. They need a fall/winter wardrobe and a start on the next spring/summer, and I am stocking up for a certain teenage boy - hopefully more to come on that later), so I felt like I could reconcile yard saling this summer. Last year I fasted from them - I had no needs list - and I am famous for picking up items just because they are cheap, and we may need them in the future. But all of those quarters add up to foolishly wasting our money, and really does my daughter need twenty dresses, or ten hoodies, or do I need another pair of jeans?? For my family, the answer is a firm no. So I am cautiously yard saling this summer, with needs list tightly in hand - trying to only focus on that list.
We did well today, and we had fun together as a family. We were there for a little over three hours this morning. By noon we were all hungry, so we walked to a home that was selling hot dogs, chips, and soda to support cancer research. Let me tell you how amazing those hot dogs smelled! I am not typically a hot dog lover either. We rarely eat them, but in that moment I wanted one so much. We were having fun, laughing, enjoying our time together, excited about some great deals we had found, and I wanted to celebrate the moment - the way we always celebrate - with good food. (Okay, okay, I know it has been only 5 days, but in that moment even a hot dog sounded like good food!) And I do this all of the time. I kick off our weekends with a Friday night family pizza party. We celebrate a fun, hot summer day with an ice cream cone. It's not necessarily wrong or bad, either. I was just alarmed that for a few moments while I threw a pity party inside my head, over not being able to eat the hot dog or Cheetos, I actually thought our whole experience was somehow ruined. Now the moment passed, and I regained clarity, along with a raging headache that an apple did little to cure, but it also startled me into realizing the inappropriate relationship I have with food.
Perhaps this little experiment is relearning how to tell myself No, Tiff, you do not need that hot dog. And then realizing that nothing changed. I still had an exceptionally fun day with my family and the food was inconsequential. Perhaps in this self discipline of 7 I am dusting off a little piece of my heart and clearing away some of the junk that has lived there when it comes to my relationship with food. Maybe in doing this I will start to see new growth. Maybe there will now be room for the Holy Spirit to move and grow me in a new direction - in a way that I have never been able to grow before. I do not know, and I do not want to over spiritualize this experiment. But I feel something softening and stirring, and I feel more alert to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.
So for now I will take it. I think I have been distracted by so much of the excess in my life - food included. By eliminating, it seems I am emptying a lot of junk that has taken up residence in my heart. Little by little I pray to become more consumed with God and less enamored with all of these choices - this excess surrounding me, and if that means letting it go and giving up some of the choices and excess. So be it. I am willing.
Jim on day #5. Honestly, he is doing so great. It is a blessing to go through this with him by my side. I am excited to see what God has to teach us together in this experiment as well as individually.
Friday, May 4, 2012
.Day #4 of 7.
We cheated.
But since we have no council of six to go to for moments of uncertainty with our "rules", we default to ourselves for these "rules". And Jen did emphasize spirit of the law not letter. And we did go with the plain yogurt, so I think we should have a little leeway elsewhere. And I am a recovering legalist who does not want to fall prey to those evil legalistic tendencies again. {giggle}
Okay, okay, we cheated.
This afternoon I made whole wheat sweet bread. It is basically whole wheat bread with added brown sugar and instead of yeast, it calls for baking soda for leavening. It's a far cry from a banana bread or a pumpkin bread. It is still heavy like wheat bread and is made with 100% whole wheat flour only, but....it's not exactly the wheat bread we had in mind when we chose our 7 food items. Let me tell you how amazing it tasted warm from the oven and slathered in peanut butter, though!
I would cheat again.
And I probably will.
We also had sweet potato and apple chips with a {gasp} hint of cinnamon. They were a party in my mouth! I am realizing how we chose 7 very bland foods. UG. We are so not bland eaters - especially me. I love flavor. I season everything, dip everything, and slather everything to the max, and it is killing me to only be allowed salt, pepper, and olive oil on these 7 very, very bland foods.
So it is Friday night, our typical family pizza night, and we cheated. We have tweaked the rules and have now allowed the sweet potato and apple chips with a hint a cinnamon - only on Friday nights. The verdict is still out on the whole wheat sweet bread.
In other news, I cut up and boiled some sweet potato and then chilled them this morning and mixed it with diced apples and diced avocado. I then tossed it all together with a little olive oil and salt and pepper. Meh. It was bland. I actually think it would be a nice salad with a hint of citrus - lime juice maybe and some chopped herbs. But for now, I cannot know if that is true.
And tonight we tried this recipe for peanut butter crusted sweet potato fries. They were pretty good! A little tedious. I think next time I will just bake up a sweet potato and slather it with peanut butter - easier and same taste I would imagine.
Blah. The food is blah, and I feel blah. I was doing well on Wednesday and Thursday. I felt God pricking at my heart, but Jamesy was up for 4 hours last night. With no coffee to keep me going today, I have been weak and flailing. I did listen to a little of the Orphan Summit live this afternoon. It was good, and of course I cried through several of the speakers as I baked bread, swept my floors, and folded laundry. But at the end of two hours I just felt drained. I have been listening to this stuff for two years, my heart has been so convicted over my past neglect in this area of orphan care, I am passionate about orphan advocacy and for children to have families and be loved, and I firmly believe the Church is the answer for the orphan crises, and for Pastor's to step up to the plate and shepherd their flock in this area, but....I do not know what to do with all that is in my heart. For not the first time, I just wish that I had a close friend here that shared my heart, someone to bounce ideas off of, someone to listen to my broken heart and for me to listen to hers. So, yeah, it just left me feeling defeated and bleh.
And now as I write this, I remember a message I got earlier this week, from a friend, not one that lives here, but one that gets my heart. I love that adoption has given me a circle of friends around the globe who really do get me and share this same passion and burden. Sometimes I forget that I truly am blessed in this area, and I need to stop wishing for what cannot be right now. Anyway, this is so disjointed, I am truly struggling without my coffee today, this friend is also reading through the book. She ended her message to me this way:
....remembering that while I'm reading this book, I keep thinking its about ME, and the changes I need to make, and sometimes [I] get just plain old caught up in the me me me. Its not about us. . . Its about Him. Hold fast to Jesus Tiffany.
Funny how the Spirit brought that to mind as I wrap up this whiny, poor me post.
It's not about me.
I have made this about me - all day long today.
Remembering now that it's about Him. It's all about Jesus - this crazy 7 fast included - and tonight I hold fast to Him.
More Him, less me and less my junk - food and all.
But since we have no council of six to go to for moments of uncertainty with our "rules", we default to ourselves for these "rules". And Jen did emphasize spirit of the law not letter. And we did go with the plain yogurt, so I think we should have a little leeway elsewhere. And I am a recovering legalist who does not want to fall prey to those evil legalistic tendencies again. {giggle}
Okay, okay, we cheated.
This afternoon I made whole wheat sweet bread. It is basically whole wheat bread with added brown sugar and instead of yeast, it calls for baking soda for leavening. It's a far cry from a banana bread or a pumpkin bread. It is still heavy like wheat bread and is made with 100% whole wheat flour only, but....it's not exactly the wheat bread we had in mind when we chose our 7 food items. Let me tell you how amazing it tasted warm from the oven and slathered in peanut butter, though!
I would cheat again.
And I probably will.
We also had sweet potato and apple chips with a {gasp} hint of cinnamon. They were a party in my mouth! I am realizing how we chose 7 very bland foods. UG. We are so not bland eaters - especially me. I love flavor. I season everything, dip everything, and slather everything to the max, and it is killing me to only be allowed salt, pepper, and olive oil on these 7 very, very bland foods.
So it is Friday night, our typical family pizza night, and we cheated. We have tweaked the rules and have now allowed the sweet potato and apple chips with a hint a cinnamon - only on Friday nights. The verdict is still out on the whole wheat sweet bread.
In other news, I cut up and boiled some sweet potato and then chilled them this morning and mixed it with diced apples and diced avocado. I then tossed it all together with a little olive oil and salt and pepper. Meh. It was bland. I actually think it would be a nice salad with a hint of citrus - lime juice maybe and some chopped herbs. But for now, I cannot know if that is true.
And tonight we tried this recipe for peanut butter crusted sweet potato fries. They were pretty good! A little tedious. I think next time I will just bake up a sweet potato and slather it with peanut butter - easier and same taste I would imagine.
Blah. The food is blah, and I feel blah. I was doing well on Wednesday and Thursday. I felt God pricking at my heart, but Jamesy was up for 4 hours last night. With no coffee to keep me going today, I have been weak and flailing. I did listen to a little of the Orphan Summit live this afternoon. It was good, and of course I cried through several of the speakers as I baked bread, swept my floors, and folded laundry. But at the end of two hours I just felt drained. I have been listening to this stuff for two years, my heart has been so convicted over my past neglect in this area of orphan care, I am passionate about orphan advocacy and for children to have families and be loved, and I firmly believe the Church is the answer for the orphan crises, and for Pastor's to step up to the plate and shepherd their flock in this area, but....I do not know what to do with all that is in my heart. For not the first time, I just wish that I had a close friend here that shared my heart, someone to bounce ideas off of, someone to listen to my broken heart and for me to listen to hers. So, yeah, it just left me feeling defeated and bleh.
And now as I write this, I remember a message I got earlier this week, from a friend, not one that lives here, but one that gets my heart. I love that adoption has given me a circle of friends around the globe who really do get me and share this same passion and burden. Sometimes I forget that I truly am blessed in this area, and I need to stop wishing for what cannot be right now. Anyway, this is so disjointed, I am truly struggling without my coffee today, this friend is also reading through the book. She ended her message to me this way:
....remembering that while I'm reading this book, I keep thinking its about ME, and the changes I need to make, and sometimes [I] get just plain old caught up in the me me me. Its not about us. . . Its about Him. Hold fast to Jesus Tiffany.
Funny how the Spirit brought that to mind as I wrap up this whiny, poor me post.
It's not about me.
I have made this about me - all day long today.
Remembering now that it's about Him. It's all about Jesus - this crazy 7 fast included - and tonight I hold fast to Him.
More Him, less me and less my junk - food and all.
Monday, April 30, 2012
.Home Sweet Home.
After twelve days away, five of which were spent in a minivan, we are home! We are sun kissed and all probably ten pounds heavier. Buhahaha. I love my family - my little family of five, and my extended family. It struck me while on vacation that this was the longest I have been able to be with my sister in over ten years. It was amazing! And this was the longest I have ever spent with my niece and nephew - both who are hysterical! We had the best time. We were able to spend one day at Magic Kingdom, thanks to the generosity of some sweet family members. I got teary in the very first line as I held Jamesy and marveled that he was there with us.(Oh, and if you have a child with a disability - for example Jamesy is legally blind and has a sensory processing disorder and therefore has trouble in crowds or lines - you can get a special pass. We were able to sit in the front seats at shows and skip to the front of almost every line!) Jim and I were able to splurge on a date night, and then the rest of the time we pretty much lazed around in or by the pool. It was perfect. Absolute perfection. And our children are champion travelers. We could not believe how well they did in the van for FIVE days!! So it is home again, and with such a full, wonderful time away, I am recharged and ready to start our crazy life back up.
....and ADD to the crazy! While on vacation I read Seven: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker (a fellow AWAA adoptive Mama and author/speaker extraordinaire). I wish I could make you all read it, really I do. It was so NOT a book to read on vacation, but I did it cringing much of the time as I sat surrounded by excess. Her book is not a guilt trip, though, it really isn't. Jen's experiment is completely Christ and cross-centered. It takes seven months where one area of excess is targeted every month: clothes, shopping, waste, food, possessions, media, and stress. Jim and I are jumping in and joining the experiment....starting tomorrow {gulp}. We are starting with food. We will choose seven foods and seven foods only, and that is all we will eat for the month of May (and coffee does not make the cut. I am shaking already just thinking about that). It is a fast of sorts. A fast in which I pray opens our eyes to the ridiculous excess around us and binds our hearts closer to the heart of our Father. I think this is a perfect way to prepare our hearts for our mission trip to Ethiopia. I am going to blog my way through it, for accountability, for reflection, and for fun - cause writing is what I do. That is essentially what Jen did with her book - she wrote her way through the experiment in real time. Again you SHOULD read the book. I think Jim and I have narrowed our seven foods down (thankfully we have had friends who have gone before us in doing this and we have stolen some of the items they wished they had chosen).
For the month of May Jim and I will be eating:
- Chobani Yogurt (A little sneaky here as we did not choose a flavor {ahem}, but Jen emphasized spirit of the law not letter!)
- Chicken
- Avocados
- Whole wheat bread
- Sweet potatoes
- Peanut butter
- Apples
Only water to drink.
Tomorrow I will be back to write after I survive day #1. I am terrified of the coffee withdrawal, so much so I contemplated making coffee one of my seven foods! Ummmm.....yeah.
Pray for me?
Join me? I wish I had a group of like-minded friends that were into this! {hint, hint}
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