.Wrecked.

I have allowed myself to be backed into a corner and silenced for awhile. Sure I continue to tell our story, and light brush strokes of our Ethiopian sons' stories, and I doubt that will end. Because everyone likes to hear stories of hope. But the advocating and truth telling has been muffled for a while now.

I got scared.

You see as a recovering people-pleaser, advocating for orphans makes me not so pleasing. But as I have been praying through this month, which is focused on adoption and orphan care, I feel the Spirit prodding me to break the silence and to be bold with the resources I have - one of which is social media. Social media gives me a voice - even if that voice is trembling. Truth be told, I am far from brave; every time I hit publish on these consecutive posts about orphan care, my stomach lurches a bit and I wince anticipating the blows that may come. And in a small way, I do get it. This is not pleasant. Orphan care is not pretty. The devastating need and plight of many of the orphans in our world today is uncomfortable to look at.

However, if I am being honest in how I advocate for these children, and paint a real, accurate photo, well, sometimes it's just plain ugly. Sometimes it looks like teenage boys laying on cold cement, huddled together eager for some comfort of warmth, huffing glue to stave off the incredibly painful hunger that rips through their stomaches. Sometimes it looks like sweet little girls selling their bodies to wicked men in hopes of recieving enough money to survive one more day. Sometimes it looks like babies laying listless in cribs - two to three diaperless and together - with malnourished bellies so swollen that to pick the child up would cause excrutiating pain. Sometimes it looks like bruised and battered children being shuffled in and out of one home after another just longing for routine, security, family. That makes me pretty uncomfortable to think about and to write about, and I am sure it is uncomfortable to read.

But sometimes it also looks like the Church just sitting comfortably by, passing this inconvenience on to the government or to that crazy family "called" to orphan care. And that is just plain ugly. It doesn't get any uglier than that. Not when the Church is the very answer that God set in place for the orphan crisis.

I think we need to start feeling uncomfortable. I am backing out of my corner and opening my mouth to speak the truth this month - even if it just wrecks my heart, and sets a fire back under me.

Wrecked.

I had all of these plans for my life, and none of them involved orphan care, and then God wrecked my life and pointed me to His heart, and to His plan, and to His special babies all over this world, made in His image, who need the Church to stand in the gap and step up and out for these children.

My plans were beautifully, gloriously wrecked, and it all started with the Holy Spirit prompting me after someone made me uncomfortable in their advocating. Maybe the Holy Spirit can use me this month. It's worth breaking the silence to find out. I only have my comfort to lose, and honestly that matters so little, as that comfort is false, I have true comfort with the Comforter living inside of me.

I am still scared, but that's just a small inconvenience, and I am not going to let it stop me from speaking up again.