Friday, December 16, 2011
Last night was most probably the last night I would ever be the mommy to a one year old. We believe that phase in our life is over. It was bittersweet. Today I awoke to Jamesy being TWO!! (He is actually still sleeping - must be that "old" age catching up with him.) There is so much I could write today. I have so many emotions bubbling up in my heart. Today is special - it is the first birthday we have been able to celebrate with Jamesy home. I begged and pleaded with God to bring him home by his first birthday last year, but that was not God's plan. I still don't know why, and I don't need to know. Maybe someday I will be able to see the big picture - maybe not.
My Dearest Brown-eyed Boy Jameson,
Have I told you how thankful I am to have been chosen to be your mommy? How I stare at you and still cannot believe you are here. Yet, Jamesy, it seems as if you have been here always. You were exactly who was missing from our family - from our life. From the moment I saw your little seven month old body on my computer screen, I knew you belonged with us. I knew you were the son I had been waiting and begging God for. I knew you were the one being knitted into my heart. What I didn't know is how much God would use you to teach me, to humble me, to open my eyes and get my focus off of myself.
These past nine months have been some of the most amazing months of my entire life. We have rocked for countless hours etching out memories. God has given me glimpses of your newborn you, as you suck, swallow at your bottle and breathe sweet and warm into my neck. Through it all, you have been so brave, Jamesy as you encountered loss, beyond anything I will ever experience, and acclimated yourself to a new home, new family, new food, new language, new country, etc.. Jamesy you have lived these past nine months with grace beyond your age. You have accepted us and learned to trust us. You have reciprocated love. Jameson, you are courageous.
I look at your tiny brown body and mass of swirling curls, that infectious wide grin with the straight, beautiful white teeth, and my heart soars. I marvel at the intricate, delicate way God created you - tucked under your first Mommy's heart and tucked inside mine. Every night I pray that God would use you to be the greatest man in your generation - right alongside your brother Scotty. I believe He will answer my prayers. I believe you will do great and wonderful things for the kingdom - for eternity.
Oh, my second born boy, there is so much that is left unsaid here, but I am keeping it in my heart for now. Some words are too precious, too sacred for me to expose right now. But I want you to know this, my brown-eyed boy, today we carve out this moment to celebrate you and your life, and we remember with love your first Mommy who carried you.
Today is a special day, my son. I love you to Ethiopia and back. Happy second birthday, Jameson Yonas Byron. I am so glad you're here.
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