.In the Fullness of Time.

We are in a holding pattern, waiting, willing for the right time for Jamesy's adoption to be finalized. When God determines the time to be right it will happen, and yet this is what I struggle with most. I am choosing to see that time is in God's hands and not mine. It brings comfort some moments and agony others. I am impatient for my brown-eyed boy. I am jealous for these moments that I feel are being stolen from me. And yet I am finding peace in the wait. Peace doesn't always come without pain, though. My heart is full of pain as the days fall away spiraling further and further away from the last moment I kissed his silky, chocolate cheek and hugged him warm and close. I am thankful that the memories haven't faded, and that by closing my eyes I am back there....but only in my mind.

We are still waiting for our document to be re-translated. Our agency has to hire an outside source to do this, and it is taking an unexpectedly longer amount of time. AWAA is speculating that the US Embassy is requesting several documents to be re-translated from other adoption cases and that several agencies are using the same translator. Whatever the reason - ours is not done, so it has not been resubmitted. Today is an Ethiopian holiday so we will not hear anything until perhaps tomorrow. There are at least three other families who have been cleared ahead of us for Visa appointments, and they were all told that next week (March 7-11) was already booked and no more appointments would be made. They are waiting to hear on the following week. I am hopeful that we can squeeze in that week too, but am starting to realize it might not happen. My heart is discouraged today. This is such an unnatural process - to hold and love on our son for a whole week and then leave him for 36 plus days. Who does that? Who can live with that? And yet that is what we did and are doing. It's hard, really, really hard, but God's grace is sufficient. I know that His grace is surrounding me, because there is no possible way I would have ever been strong enough for this on my own.

Our monthly update came in our email today. It was a bittersweet blessing to see his face for the first time since returning home. He looks so happy and care-free. I have such conflicting emotions when I see these photos. We never saw him looking this way when we were in Ethiopia. I've told very little really of our time with Jamesy, because it was hard. We loved him from "hello", but there were very painful moments. I still have so much in my heart about the whole process and Ethiopia, but I think it will stay in my heart for now. Some things are better left there than to be cheapened with my feeble attempts to string them together into words.

Happy Yoni wearing his socks from Daddy & Mommy.

Playing with the phone we sent him in December.


Our last update was for December. (Since we were in Ethiopia in January we did not receive an update for that month.) He has grown an inch and gained 3 lbs!! Every month I chart his progress on a growth chart. He is still below the 5th percentile for height and weight, BUT his head circumference was on the chart this month - between the 5th and 10th percentile - praise God! Jamesy had another ear infection just after we left him. It is cleared up now. I am praying that his ears stay healthy for the long flight home. Moments before we left Jamesy, he threw up all over me. I had wondered if he was coming down with something at the time, and I have prayed constantly for his health. Jamesy is now standing without support for a few seconds. Selfishly I am praying that he waits to take his first steps until he is with his Mommy. I just want so much to have that milestone. He now has 6 teeth as well! Jamesy turns 15 months two weeks from today. I am praying this is his last month in Africa, and this is our last ever update from AWAA.

Everything is ready for our brown-eyed boy, and in the fullness of time he will be here with his family - where he belongs. For now we all wait....

Until then, I suppose there is still much I must learn in this wait.

I wonder if this is anything like how God feels when He is about to bring one of His children home?

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass … Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him. (Psalm 37:4,7)

I wonder if it is the wait patiently for Him part that I have not yet learned. {sigh}