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Monday, October 25, 2010

.Not Strong Enough.

Since accepting our referral, I've been walking around with a brave face, a smile... hopeful.

I had so much hope in my heart that God was going to bring Jamesy home in December - even by his first birthday. I was believing this.

Many of the families adopting from Ethiopia through our agency set aside time last night to pray for movement in Ethiopia - for court dates, for referrals, for embassy dates, for health of our children, etc.,etc. Even AWAA staff joined in.

Jim and I bowed our heads to our God and poured out our hearts on behalf of Jamesy, our family, and other families in this process. Today God answered in huge, huge ways....

but He didn't answer for us.

We read message after message off of our yahoo group of families rejoicing in receiving court dates - LOTS and LOTS of families. And we read of a few families that received their "on deck" email telling them their referral was imminent. Our hearts are rejoicing with these families - they really are.

But my heart is also breaking into a million tiny pieces.

The court dates that were issued were much later than any of us expected....middle and end of December.

We talked to AWAA to be sure we did not indeed get a court date, and it was confirmed. We did not.

It's hard to speculate on these things. Timing with International adoption is never certain. But it appears that we will not even lay eyes on our son until next year. Now my prayers are changing to please let us bring him home by.... February ?!?!

Shedding lots of tears for a boy who doesn't even know me.

And do you know what? THIS STINKS. This is not my way - not, not, not my timing.

I'm not strong enough for this.

But He is.


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17 comments:

The Ashworth family said...

Tiffy - I'm sorry - my heart is hurting with yours right now - I am praying for you, friend. Love you.

Heather said...

I'm so sorry, Tiffany. I know that I have a hard time with disappointment and when it involves your child it is even harder, I can only imagine.
I'll be praying that God will give you and Jim a peace about this.

Jen said...

we're crying with you tiffy.

Laura @ Just For Love said...

Hang in there, Tiffany. God feels and understands your pain. I can't say, "I know how you feel," because I don't...but God DOES.

Stay strong, keep your faith alive-it was He who called you on this miraculous journey. He knew this would be a painful step of the process long before you did. When Jamesy is safe at home, I guarantee these days will be a monumental part of the journey when you look back upon them.

You're hurting because your heart now breaks for what breaks the heart of God. I know it's hard, but you are GROWING in Him. He is holding you close through these difficult days and He is so proud of you. Don't let the enemy beat you down. Satan may try to slow down the process, but he can't stop what God has already put into action!

You are currently in the middle of this beautiful testimony-living in the middle is the hard part. BUT, there will be a happy ending to this story, remember that! You will get to that ending one day at a time : ).

We are praying for you and we love you, my friend.
Love,
Laura

Nikki said...

Tiffany,
Oh how my heart aches for you. Our dearest friends are waiting for "the call" about their little girl. Often my friend and I talk about how we are "expecting" at the same time. Pregnancy is hard, waiting for adoption can be harder. This will be their second child to adopt. Their first little boy turned three last month, and he is our joy. Now we are praying and waiting for this new child. Sometimes we even talk about how her waiting period seems like a long drawn out labor and delivery. We know from our experience with their first adoption that the wait is worth it all, but that does not make this wait any easier. I have so much empathy for your situation and also so much joy for what lies ahead for your family. Sending some love your way today. ~Nikki

Kathy's Kitchen Korner said...

Oh Tiffany . . . I am so disappointed with you! I have been praying for that "soon" date . . . but God said wait . . . for some reason unknown to us!
Ephesians 3:20 still stands . . . .and HE can still do it . . .if He chooses!
Love you so much!
Praying more!
~Kathy

Jessica said...

Gal. 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Isn't it good to know God is never late, but right on time. It hurts to wait on His timing, I know! The lack of fairness in the whole adoption process sucks, but you will meet your sweet boy on the day God planned before the beginning of time! Hang on to that.

JillAileenJones said...

So sorry to hear this hasn't happened in the way that you and your family were hoping for and praying for. My heart is aching for you right now-I also do know that we serve a mighty God and His ways are higher and so much better than we could ever dream or imagine. I am believing and praying that God has a reason for all of this and that you might be able to look back on this some day with a full assurance that His reasons for this delay were for the best. I know it can't seem like it now-when Brandon fell and busted his head open and had to get staples while on the way to the Dr. I was thinking really ?! But had that not happened I don't know where we would be right now because of that while we were in there I mentioned he had been limping the Dr. looked at him and sent him for x-rays that day. We started on a journey I never thought would happen or wanted to happen and within a two week period we were seeing a orthopedic oncologist because he had tumors growing in his hip and we didn't know if they were cancerous or not. Thank God within a week we were having major hip surgery (mind you he was 6) and for the last 6 months we have been healing-PLT it was not cancer but it has been a long hard road for him and some days for us. All that to say-I would have never chosen this for him and what happened for us to find this out but had it not happened that way we might have not known till it was really too late and he would have had to have a total hip replacement-it had already started to break the bone in his leg-what seemed to be a bad thing actually turned into a blessing because it got us in to the right Dr.'s at the right time and got everything taken care of.
I am praying for you all-thanking God that he sees the bigger picture and for whatever reason you are being delayed at this moment that we will see his GLORY through it all.
My mama heart hurts for your mama heart right now.
So many times my timing is not His-I wish I could always be ok with that-most times I am not.
Hang in there friend. God is good all the time, all the time God is good.
If you get a chance check out my blog today-I wrote about a new business that I have started and about what I want to do with a % of what I earn-when more happens with it (praying that it will) I will be contacting you for an address.
In His Love,
Jill

mosey said...

quietly praying for you

Jodi said...

I know how you are feeling, it is so painful. We adopted three children our last adoption took 3 years of waiting for our son to come home. This is a thing that helps alot. Everyday say this....next year at this time he will be home. Seriously do not put time frames on God you do not know the time he does He may be trying to teach you just that. I said that for 3 years and yup it is now true. Just as we can not rush our labor and birthing process... the day is ordained all ready by God when our children will be placed in our arms. His timing is so much better than ours. You will know instantly when he is in your arms and yours forever that that was indeed the perfect day of the LORD..I truly mean this! Please know as I said I feel your pain this was such a hard lesson for me to learn. All in all we spent 5 yrs waiting for our children to come home and 8 yrs prior to that of infertility. In Christ, Jodi

Darlene said...

sigh.
I just feel the pain in your waiting.
I am so sorry.
May all the waiting be made clear in time.
In His Grip,
Darlene

Grace~ful Family said...

I'm so excited for you, for Jamesy's referral! WOW! ---I had high hopes last year that we'd have our baby by the end of this year but we're just getting on the waiting list! I can't wait to hear when you're going and have him in your arms, your little boy forever and ever!!!

Rachel said...

Praying for you. I am really sorry that this journey is taking so long....I'm praying for stamina and strength and hope.

mosey said...

I just keep thinking about this poem that carried me through so much waiting, I thought I'd share with you:

http://moseyphotography.blogspot.com/2009/02/feb-25th.html

Funny how in the end the Lord works things out even better than how you prayed too!

Redeemed1 said...

I'm so sorry.

Carrie said...

Aw, I'm sorry that God has asked you to wait longer - praying for your family! Enjoy your blogging break! :)

Tammy ~ Country Girl at Home ~ said...

Tiffany,

I know how hard this wait is when you have that sweet face to look at and know he's waiting and you have so much love to give. I'm praying God will give you peace in this journey. God's timing is best even when it doesn't look that way to us. I know what you're feeling and know I'm praying too!

Hugs,
Tammy

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