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Friday, June 4, 2010

.A Picture of a Pastor's Wife.

I have officially been a pastor's wife for going on four months now. I am feeling my way through this new role in my life added to my other roles of wife, mommy, and homemaker. I am learning and growing everyday, and God's grace and patience is ever present.

One thing that has not changed is that I continue to be my husband's help meet, my husband's biggest supporter - his number one fan. I think that is vital in his role as a Pastor and my role as his wife. But you know what? This was vital before I became a pastor's wife - it is vital for every wife living out her biblical mandate.

It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18

As a pastor's wife, I continue to cheer Jim along. I continue to keep our home and try to make it a place of respite - a calm oasis that he can walk into each evening. I take very seriously my role of homemaking, and I try to pour my heart into it. When I do that, when I see it as a ministry, I find great joy in keeping a home.

I am learning that I have to really guard our family time. It was something I practiced in our last ministry, but it has become just as vital in this new ministry. I try to protect Mondays - that is our family day. We have never had a specific family day before. At camp things always came up at the last minute, and we could never be guaranteed any plans. It is so wonderful knowing that we will always have Mondays together. So I wrap my arms around Mondays and guard that time as a family.

My ministry may not be what others deem the picture of a perfect pastor's wife. I try to be okay with that. Right now I do not have a specific ministry in the church, because, even though I am now the wife of a pastor, my primary ministry has not changed - I am a wife to my husband, a mommy to my children, and keeper of my home. Those are three very BIG ministries, and if I want to do them well and biblically, and I do, then those are the ministries I must focus on in this phase of my life. Down the road when my children are older, God will open up doors for me to serve in more tangible ways. The wonderful thing is that for the most part, this is completely understood and accepted by our church family. There was so much pressure in our camp ministry - and I am the first to admit probably mostly internal - for me to get more and more involved with the ministry. I lived with so much guilt. Guilt that I could not put my best into anything - not into camp and not into Jim, my children, and my home. It weighed on my heart heavily. It is such a blessing to not feel this anymore - to be able to breathe and enjoy this precious time. This ministry is what I was created for at this time in my life, and I am so fulfilled.

God is really working in my heart in the area of hospitality. I will be writing a whole series on this for Raising Homemakers, so I will not go into detail now. I will let you wait and read it there. I think this is the biggest area of our life that is changing with Jim in the pastorate. It has been exciting and a little intimidating for me!

So what does a pastor's wife look like?


She does not look much different from any other wife striving to live out her roles in a God-honoring way.

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Redeemed1 said...

I am a pastor's daughter, and my mother has been a pastor's wife for over 30 years. I am so glad to hear you have such a solid grasp of what your role is already. You are completely correct - the best thing you can do for your church is to be a great help-meet to your husband. Your role as wife and mother is your primary focus.

My mother has struggled for years feeling like she isn't a good pastor's wife because she doesn't play the piano or sing or lead a women's Bible study. She is rather shy by nature and her health problems keep her from many church functions. Now that my father is receiving national attention, I think she feels even more insecure.

I've been trying to show her that first, God didn't make a mistake in putting her in that role and that she supports the church by serving her husband, praying for the needs of the congregation, sending cards to the sick, arranging meals for families in need, etc.

The Bible clearly lays out the roles of pastors/elders, but the role of the pastors wife is much like the role of any Christian wife. Love and respect our husbands, raise our children in the fear and admonition of he Lord, care for the widows and orphans, and love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind.

Blessings to you as you continue in this new chapter of your life.

rameelin said...

She looks beautiful! I have been so proud 'watching' you go through this change and adapt to your new role. It is an exciting thing to be able to step into something that is the will of God and live it out every day in the way HE planned for you to do.

Daniel has been speaking with/instructing/discipling a baby Christian in the last few days. Last night this young man asked Daniel how we know that something is a calling for our life. It caught me off guard to realize that some people do not know what their calling is...
I then told him to make sure he explains that we all have different roles and different callings for such a time as this.

I am loving my calling and my role as a mother, homemaker, writer, & wife. This calling is perfect for this season! Yours is as well and I love this friendship that has allowed me to share in it with you. You're doing great, Tiff!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm involved in the same three ministries as you. (Wife, Mother, Homemaking). My husband is studying to be a Chaplain in the Army. We have a few years to go before he is actually in that role, but I already feel the insecurities creeping in. I too have decided that one thing I could add to my ministry right now, is Hospitality. I look forward to your series.

And please, continue sharing, encouraging, and supporting Pastor's Wives to be Wives, Mothers, and Homemakers first.

cooperkelly4 said...

I have been a pastor's wife for going on 7 years now and you are so right about your "ministry". How awesome to see that making your home a respite for your husband and your family is first. Monday is our family day too. It is kind of intense thinking about it, but my greatest disciples are my children and what better way to train them up but by example. Praying for you, Kelly
ps don't ever fall into the trap of comparing yourself to another pastor's wife. You are uniquely you and designed to help encourage in the church you are at. =0)

alicia said...

sounds like you have your priorities right and you are getting it all figured out. beautiful pic.

Lori said...

I cannot thank you enough for suggesting that I come take a peak! I needed to read ALL these words tonight! It's good to know that someone (besides myself) feels that a pastor's wife's primary ministry is still standing beside her husband and raising their children. It put my mind at ease just a bit as I read my thoughts among YOUR writing! I'll watch closely for the next year or so and learn as YOU go :o)

God is SO faithful to provide, just what we need, at just the right time! Thank you Abba!!!!

Heather said...

This is such an inspirational post to me. I just loved all you wrote about striving to be the best wife, mother and homemaker you can be.
I always feel like I need to do better in these areas.
I am so glad I found your blog in the blogsphere. I love the values of women I am finding on here.
In the past I have lost heart over our society and even Christians that do not think that being a godly wife, mommy and homemaker is top priority. I am not saying that women should not work outside of the home. I don't want anyone to misunderstand.
I felt since I was a little girl that I wanted to be a wife and mommy.I love this role but I really need to work on being more diligent in this area.
I am looking forward to being home full-time with Brad soon- a few more weeks and I won't be working anymore. It is only 3 hours a day but still cuts into our time as he naps right when we get home. Can't wait to be done! :)

Rachel said...

Love this!! Monday's are our day off too, and I definitely guard that precious family time together. You are completely right that in this season w/ young children, it's important to find that balance between ministry and family. Family has to come first!! I'm sure you are an amazing pastor's wife!! =)

Becky said...

I absolutely love this post. Talk about having your priorities in the right place! I actually just had a talk with our pastor's wife about this and we both agreed that far too many pastor's wives take on too much ministry responsibilities that take them away from their number 1 job of being a helpmate to their husbands.

So, praise God for leading you in this direction! It sounds like you're a Proverbs 31 wife to me!

Abe and Joni said...

We don't know each other, I came across your blog as we are also in the process of adopting from Ethiopia.

I have been a pastors wife for a little over 3 years now and it's the best role to play! My role in the church is a bit different than yours as I currently act as our part time youth pastor as well as a wife, mother, and homemaker. I completely agree with you that our families have to always come first in this job and ministry as in any other!

I came to realize this past year that our Monday family day was just not enough. In a world where most people I know had both Saturday and Sunday "off" to spend with family, our family was working 6 LONG days and working HARD on Sunday with all the work of ministry and it was beginning to take a toll. So now we take Monday's and one other afternoon/evening off per week. We decided that if we were going to model family as a priority we needed to take it seriously. So, don't ever feel guilty if you get to a point where you feel your family needs more than one day to spend together!

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