I can remember just like it was yesterday the day that I knew God was calling us out of the camp ministry. It was this fall, October tenth. I will never forget that date. The night before Jim had asked me to pray about the possibility of him going into farming with our best friends! I know - crazy. Looking back now, I can see it was just Jim feeling God's tugging. I was upset that Jim had asked me to do that. I did not want to pray about it. I did not want to leave camp. Camp was safe. We were secure. Jim's job and ministry was secure. I didn't pray about it that night or that morning.
I was scheduled to take a family's photos that Saturday. First, I had to drive to camp and help prepare a lunch for a paintball retreat, though. Jim had left several hours before me, so I drove up alone with my children. I remember about five minutes into my forty five minute drive that I felt God tugging on me to pray. I put a Steve Green's kid's CD in, turned it up, and began to pray out loud. I don't remember the exact words I said, but I remember just pouring my heart out to God. I know I told Him about my fear of leaving camp for the unknown, my fear of letting God truly have control over our life. About fifteen minutes before I got to camp that day, I began to cry. I remember worrying that I would frighten my children who were in the back seat. I was not silently crying, I was sobbing, gasping for air, sniffling - all out crying. I almost pulled over,and for safety reasons I probably should have. However I kept driving - talking out loud to God and crying because I had gotten this overwhelming feeling - rather a knowing - that God was asking us to leave camp, and not only that, but He was asking us to leave soon - before another summer, to step out in faith, to trust Him. He was asking me to stop trying to manipulate our lives, to stop playing it safe. I was fairly certain that God did not have farming in our future. I knew that Jim was gifted in the area of ministry, and that he had not yet been able to use all of his giftedness. I just didn't have any idea at that time what God had in store.
Let me just say, that I have never before had a conversation with God like this. I don't want to come across as all feeling/emotions based, but this was so real. There was absolutely no question in my mind that God was telling us that He was done using us at camp. That morning in the van has revolutionized my prayer life, my walk with God. It was hard. It was amazing.
I pulled on to the camp road with a strange mix of emotions. I remember a peace coming over me, but being terrified of what laid ahead, too. I remember thinking about how I had to tell Jim, but I wasn't quite ready. Because I knew deep in my heart that Jim knew we had to leave camp as well, and once I told him that would be it. We would have to proceed. I worried about the people involved - the people we ministered with at camp and truly loved like family. I did not want to hurt them, but knew that could not stop us from following God. It is no secret that I struggle with fear of man, so I worried about that too - what would people think? What would our parents think, our friends? But I composed myself and I dried my eyes, took a deep breath and parked. I kind of already shared here what happened when I finally worked up the courage to share with Jim my conversation with God. And the rest is history. You dear friends have been walking this journey with us. Thank you.
Now we have come full circle. Tomorrow will be the day. I suppose it will be a new chapter regardless of how the vote goes. I am excited to see what the Author has in store for us. Although, if I am being honest I am ready for the plot twists to settle down - just a bit. {grin}
(Please note: I had to enable the word verification on my comments. I am truly sorry for the inconvenience. I have just been receiving a lot of inappropriate spam the last few weeks.)
Addis Ababa Time