.Only Once.

I trudged up the stairs replaying the day's events in my mind, like I do most evenings. As my nightly routine would have it I walked into Cadi's dimly lit room first. I need this part of my day. A time to reflect on the kind of mommy I was to my children during their waking hours, a time to be still and pray over my children, to whisper sweet words into their ears. This can sometimes be the toughest portion of my day as my shortcomings are brought to mind - a grumpy word I spoke in haste, a wrong attitude as I cleaned up the thousandth crumb off of the floor. It can also be so sweet as I remember the giggles and squeals that filled my home and heart as we played on the living room floor. As I sometimes do, I snuggled right in next to Cadi, stroked her hair, prayed for her salvation, her safety, and for God to send her Prince Charming when the time is right -a man like her daddy who loves the Lord and loves her. A man who will have her best interest at heart, who will protect her and cherish her. I know this won't happen for years, but the time to start praying is now.



As I felt the curve of her little warm body against mine, I breathed in her soft, little girl scent - it's on her pillows, her blankets, her hair. It is one of the most soothing smells I have ever known. I slowly got up, as not to disturb my slumbering girl, and I kissed her smooth temple one last time. At the same time I felt an overwhelming thankfulness rise up inside of me for this sweet girl. So I leaned over the sleeping beauty once more and whispered into her ear "I love being your Mommy, Cadence."

Her eyes fluttered and she gave me a sleepy grin, the kind that melts every mommy's heart and replied "I love being your kid".

Then her beautiful mouth turned down at the corners and her big blue eyes turned soft and sad. "I hate to sleep Mommy." she whispered.

"Why is that?" I whispered back thoroughly confused.

"Because every time I wake up after I sleep I am a little older, and I want to be your kid forever."

"Oh sweet girl, you will always be my 'kid', my girl, my firstborn babe." I whispered choking on the sob that had crept into my throat. I held my baby in my arms and rocked her back and forth back and forth, breathing in her scent, memorizing the details of the moment.

She is right. It is happening too fast. She is so terribly right. One day I will awaken to a quiet house. Sure there will be no more crumbs on my floor to sweep up three times a day, no finger paint to scrub off of the island, no children's books to gather up after a long day, no baskets of laundry to wash, fold, and put away. But there will not be any sweet children to tuck in each night either, no evening to replay memories of our day together - coloring, giggling, and living side by side.

This is it.

My children only have one childhood - just one, and I only have one chance to mommy them through that childhood, to make it sunny and tender, to point their soft hearts to Jesus, to their Creator, to the One that loves them more than I could even dream of loving them.

When I awoke this morning, I had a new spring in my step, renewed purpose. We stayed in our jammies longer, colored slower, made bigger messes, snuggled deeper, and I savored each moment; for one day when I am old and wrinkled and my house is much too quiet and much too clean, I will long for those crumbs under my table, and the broken crayons in my carpet, and I will ponder that evening long ago when my little four year old daughter imparted to me wisdom beyond her four years.

Today I purposed to be the mommy God made me to be. My house is a little messier, my hair is not perfect, but my children, oh my children, how they were loved and cared for and prioritized today. Because I only have this once, this one chance, this one shot, and I want to give it my all.

James 4:14 Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.