and desperately sick;
who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9
My heart has been both of these things this week.
Deceitful.
Sick.
I haven't been inviting the glorious into the mundane.
My heart deceived me into feeling deep pity for myself for having to do a week's worth of laundry plus our regular daily laundry the past two days.
Our heating element on our dryer broke last week.
Our dryer that was given to us by my dad's cousin when we moved into our first home almost three years ago - because we did not and had not ever owned a dryer.
Our dryer that we did not pay one penny for.
I prayed fervently that God would provide us with a new one last week. I trusted that God would provide. I had seen Him provide in marvelous ways before.
I searched Craigslist and our Pennysaver, and I found some REALLY nice dryers for some reasonable prices. I desperately wanted a nice dryer. {Not an old one.}
And I wanted a gas dryer. (We have the hook up for both.)
I wanted a gas dryer just because I think I like them more. {grin}
Our pennies are pinched at the moment, and even the reasonable prices were seeming not-so-reasonable right now. Then Jim remembered how a man from our church had a dryer that he wanted to give away. {gulp} It is humbling to have to call and beg off a dryer - even if it had been offered.
Jim set everything up and lined up our good friend to help him move it in Monday night.
Monday night.
After dinner.
Before the children were tucked in bed.
{sigh}
I grumbled in my heart.
I grumbled under my breath, too.
I was tired. I had just spent the day caring for my children, schooling Cadi, baking bread, cooking dinner, cleaning the house {trying} to find the glorious in the mundane. But not succeeding. At. all.
Jim and our friend came with the dryer, and it took a {long} time to switch out the old and hook up the new. Which happened to be more old than new. And not a gas dryer.
I grumbled in my heart.
When going to bed that night I {finally} remembered to breathe a prayer of thanks for our new dryer.
But then my heart deceived me and was sick as I thought about the mountain of laundry in our master bathroom, the children's bathroom, and the children's rooms.
And the next morning I began and continued the monotonous and time consuming process of sorting colors, treating stains, washing and drying, folding and sorting again, and putting away clothes.
And I grumbled in my heart.
My heart deceived me into snapping at my precious children yesterday, after a busy morning at the library and a chaotic few moments of remembering to quickly pull together a soup for the crockpot, before it was too late, and all that laundry. I rushed through Cadi's schooling not enjoying a single moment. I rushed through the children's lunch and did not enjoy their sweet chattering. I read them stories, and all the while my heart still grumbled.
I spilled soup all over my floor.
I grumbled in my heart.
My bread maker broke.
I grumbled in my heart.
Jim got rear ended.
I grumbled in my heart. (And over the phone to him.)
I spent two hours working on a project that I volunteered to do for my dad, and all the while I grumbled in my heart.
The whole time I was grumbling, my washer and dryer were dully humming in the background, my sweet children were healthy and secure, my couches were filled with clean laundry and outfits upon outfits for the four of us, my refrigerator was stocked, my soup was cooked to perfection - save a bit on the floor, {grin}, my home was warm and cozy, my body was functioning as it should, my marriage was strong,my husband was protected while on the road away from us, and my eternity was and is secure.
Today I awoke, humbled and I realized all of these things, and I was ashamed. My heavenly Father had provided and cared for so many needs {and wants} just as He promises to do. Just as He always does for me - day in and day out. Even when my heart is deceitful and sick. My heart twisted the blessings that God had so freely poured upon me so much so that I saw them only as curses.
I hope tomorrow that I can see the blessings and reflect God's generous love for me to those around me.
I hope next time I will be thankful for broken dryers and spilled soup.
Addis Ababa Time