.Homeschool Fail.

We just entered our eighth week of homeschooling. We started early this summer, in anticipation for our upcoming move to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. The kids and I did not want to jump into a new country, a new culture, and a new school year all at the same time. So we decided to school throughout the summer, and take our summer break when we move to Addis. The first five weeks went swimmingly. There were a few bumps to smooth out, we hired a nanny for Jamesy, and there were attitude adjustments to be made (the kids and mine), but overall we fell into a rhythm and it was working.

And then Habi had surgery - a complete ACL repair and in the midst of surgery the surgeon also found a meniscus tear and repaired that. We took two weeks off. It was a nice break for all of us. In the middle of the two weeks some friends offered us their home to rent, so that we could have some privacy and re-group as a family, so we moved {again}. We had our second week off here at the new place, and then we jumped back into school. This time we have no nanny for Jamesy. We also do not have access to a printer - for my lesson plans I use a free block lesson plan printable, and then print a daily checklist for each child. The printer is my life line. Without it things began to spiral down hill.

Rapidly.

I am notoriously unorganized when it comes to physical things (like my closet or the pots and pans cupboards - pretty much if it goes behind closed doors it's almost guaranteed craziness, and I am okay with it if I do not have to see it), but I am obsessively organized on paper - with my calendar, schedules, lesson plans, day planner, etc. I am pretty careful with the homeschool books being organized as well - everything runs better this way. I am detail oriented and a planner when it comes to school. All of this may sound contradictory, and that is me in a nutshell - a juxtaposition.

Aaaah. Neat and tidy, and we all know what we are doing!


The kids just check off as they go, that way they know for sure, and I know for sure that everything that needed to get done was done. It's beautiful.

But we moved here with no printer, and I decided I was going to be care-free and go-with-the-flow - tra-la-la - everything was going to work itself out just great and homeschooling and all the things would be amazing! Becuase I am such an easy-breezy, fly-by-the seat-of-my-pants kind of mama. EXCEPT THE OPPOSITE. But for two weeks I gripped my mug of coffee and put on a happy face, I tried to be carefree and work through school with no. lesson. plans. and no. checklists. (I am jittery just typing that.) I went into these past three Mondays with a vague idea of what I needed to accomplish that given week and some random lists written on papers, but let me tell you I am freaking out without my PLANS!!

You would think that I would have put an end to this craziness the very first week of this nonsense, but no - I don't like to fail - like not at all. I am a weirdo perfectionist, that will dig my feet in and become psychotically stubborn about making something work if there is even the slightest inclination that it's not working. Make sense? No?! Welcome to my world. And we are now headed into week three with no lesson plans, no checklists (I do have notes scribbled on a paper, but it's not cutting it), and today, I will admit that I went all nutbar on my four darlings. Let me paint a picture of what we are dealing with after yet another school day where I was floundering completely lost without my plans ....better yet let me show you.

For some this chaos just leads to beautiful creativity. For me it leads to one crazy mommy. This was the result of homeschooling today with no lesson plans and no check lists. After about the gazillionth time that I had three different children asking me what was next, and Jamesy escaped out the house sans diaper, I totally and completely lost it. I may have yelled something really immature and ineffective, like I can't do this, and I don't know what is next! And why do you all keep talking to me anyway?! I may have ran out of the room, leaving four stunned children. I may have ran into my room, where I could privately sob into my cell phone to my unsuspecting husband about the tragedy of trying to do school with no plans and no printer.

Yeah, something kind of like that might have happened.

I came back, apologized, gave out hugs and kisses, wiped tears (mine) and plugged on, but alas, I can't go on (yes, my children come by their drama honestly). So, I am putting this out on the world wide web, for all of you that have this figured out way better and way faster than I do. I know in Africa I will most likely not have access to a  printer every week. And yes, I do know that right now while here in the states, I could just go to a Staples and print out oodles of blank lesson plans and check lists; I have thought of that. But that requires time, a vehicle, a Staples, money, more organization on my part, and all the things that I just cannot do right now. So I am looking for a CHEAP, lesson plan book that I can buy - either one that I can purchase multiples of, so that I can have one for each child, or one that has enough blank plans for all of my kids. I like my kids to be able to see the work they have for the week, and to be able to work autonomously whenever possible. I do not like being asked what's next fifty trillion times a day. I just don't. It makes me die a little bit every time, and I become a really crappy mother. There are things we do together, absolutely, but there are things that they do on their own, and it works for us. When it works, that is. So, please, please please, for the love, send me your links of your best, cheapest lesson plan (block, please) books, and help a girl out.

Because I am not sure if my kids can handle mama going all nutbar on them again tomorrow. In the mean time I will be in the fetal position, rocking......errrr cleaning the above mess.

.Waving my White Flag on the Mommy War.

Before becoming a mommy, I dreamed about what it would be like. I envisioned how I would protect my children and their hearts, and I anticipated having to fight for my children at times. But what I didn't anticipate was who it was that I would often fight against.

Other mommies.

 Yup, that's right, I excitedly became a member of the Mommy Club and then soon fell into the Mommy War.

I am ashamed to admit how much I have participated in this. I would love to say that it was naivety in being a new mom that drove me to engage, but truth be told, I just wanted to do this mommy thing right. And when so much is at stake - the very life and development of another human being - we get pretty defensive about what we have decided is right. The defensiveness quickly escalates to criticisms and judgments and then all out war - just to protect that rightness - and to make sure that we feel good about our choices and look good, too. It's a really ugly manifestation of insecurity in our own decisions. I am kind of exhausted of it, though.

Just shy of ten years of being inside this Mommy Club, I have finally come to the place where I understand that what is right for one family, for one child, is not universally right for every family, for every child. It's just not. There's no cookie-cutter method of parenting. 

I am overwhelmed over the lack of grace we women  - mommies - give each other. It's yucky. It's like a grown-up version of junior high, and that gives me the shivers. There is not a topic that is safe, everything is subject to her disapproval.

To breastfeed or bottle feed
To use breast milk or formula
To work or stay home
To eat natural or not
To cloth diaper or disposable diaper
To home school, private school, or public school
To do Santa Claus, Halloween, the Easter bunny or not
To allow screen time or not and how much
To be a helicopter parent or raise free-range children
To spank or not to spank....

The list could go on for days. The battles are endless. The lines are constantly drawn, and engagement in the war is seen everywhere - on TV, on social media, at the park, at church - everywhere - no place is safe.

Why do we feel so entitled to challenge other mommies on the choices her family has made? I dare say that this superiority (for deep down when we look at the ugly underbelly of the war - superiority is at the root - superiority entwined with insecurity) is destroying the beautiful village feel that somewhere inside the heart of all moms, we need and crave. How can we be a village with other women, when we are constantly defending our choices, and in the defending, criticizing hers? To me, having a village of lifetime friendships with other women, regardless of our parenting styles and choices, sounds so much better then feeling right about my choices, and therefore living in isolation, because our parenting choices will never ever perfectly match her parenting choices.

In the past, I have waxed eloquently (errr maybe just waxed) about some of my own decisions in parenting. I specifically remember the topic of home schooling, and how strongly I once felt about that topic. Don't get me wrong, I do love home schooling, and after taking a year off, have once again chosen that as the method of education for my children. But it is not the best choice for every family. It's really, really not. It was not our best choice this past year. So, we didn't do it. We took a much needed break. We chose private school, and we chose it simply because that is where our oldest son had to attend on his student visa, and in an effort to streamline our chaotic life a bit, we sent our oldest daughter to the same private school. But I don't need to defend that choice. It was the best decision for our family for that time. And if public school had been the best decision, we would not have hesitated to choose that. In that moment, of that decision, I found peace, clarity, and grace. I stopped worrying if, because she was still home schooling her children, and I wasn't, she was a better mommy than I was - I stopped wondering if she was enough while I never would be. Because there is really no such thing. None of us are enough, and that's why we need to show our children that Jesus is enough. Honestly, that will probably look quite different for all of us.

So, I am waving my white flag in this Mommy War. Instead of comparing myself to how she mommies, I will, with God's direction, do what is right - right now - for my family. I will choose to stop defending my choices and criticizing hers. The criticism is just insecurity anyway, and my security doesn't need to come from another mom's approval of how I parent. I want to instead be a beautiful member of that Mommy Club, and notice our unique differences, strengths, goals, dreams, passions, etc. I want to take the time to notice the truth that most mommies are doing what is best for their family right now. It's true, all of us moms have short-comings. We will all make mistakes in this journey of parenting, there is no such thing as a perfect mommy, but most likely, we don't need our mistakes pointed out. We will get there and grow in our parenting. And in between all of the gaps and mess-ups, Jesus fills them in, and He can use us to help fill them in, too, when we wave our white flag and offer grace to one another.

I think that we can  really play a part in trying to end these silly Mommy Wars, and link arms and spread grace inside of the Mommy Club. Let's be a different generation. Let's not divide ourselves - the world does a good enough job at that already. Let's be a safe, beautiful place for each of us to be the mommy God created us to be. I don't want to be offended by her, or judge her, or size myself up by her. I just want to be part of a sisterhood that encourages and champions her wherever she is in her journey. We are in this together - we all answer to the same name, Mommy. We are all her.

.No Matter How You Cut It.

He's still cute.

He's still Scotty.

At least that is what I keep telling myself.

I think it is time to say goodbye to Scotty's faux hawk. I say that, but then I scroll back up to my header and get a little pang of sadness.

Silly, I know.

But I think his faux hawk has started to define him.

People know him by his hawk.

They remark about it.

Every time he goes out in public he gets oohed and aaahed over because of his hair.

Scotty has become insistent and a bit obsessed about having his hair hawked, and I am just beginning to wonder if it is a good thing.

There is so much more to this boy than his faux hawk. {grin} I don't want people to miss out on him. So I have left it off most of this week. (Except Monday night when we took him out in public {blush}. I was still working through all of this.)

Yesterday, he was so hot with his heavy hair, that I banded up the front to keep his wet sticky hair from slicking itself to his forehead.



Daddy was not a fan of this, and the hair band was promptly removed upon him coming home last night!

I am debating what to do with his hair.

I know, it's just hair.

But I will not buzz it. I don't think his hair would take on a Caesar cut either. It is stick straight and heavy (But still fine and slick, as it is still baby-like hair) for such a little boy - not an ounce of body or wave.

For some reason it matters to me that my boy has a style, not just a nilly, willy cut. Shallow? Probably. {sigh}

He loves hats, but we cannot hide his hair under them all of the time!



I am seriously leaning towards a classic English Paige Boy cut like this, but probably a smidge shorter. I think Jim is finally on board with this as well.


(Please excuse the quality I took a picture of a picture in a catalog that came today!)

So I will trim his sides around his ears and his bangs to allow it all to grow to one length, and we shall see.

I guess no matter how you cut it....



he is still the sweetest, most darling boy I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

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.Our Kitchen Dance.

There is something so sweet about working side-by-side in my kitchen with my daughter. What started out, admittedly, as more damage-control than anything, has developed into this beautiful harmonious "kitchen dance" between the two of us. I seldom bake by myself anymore, and I really do prefer to have her little body next to mine

mimicking

learning

growing. . . .

doing our "kitchen dance". She is the true Cadence in my kitchen.

The steps keep evolving as she grows, but for this moment they look something like this:

I measure the flour.

She dumps it in the bowl.

I set out the ingredients.

She counts the measurements.

I give her an egg.

She cracks it. (She is seriously an expert at cracking eggs.)

I pour.

She stirs.



I love the rhythm we have fallen into. I love the memories we are making. I love the sweet treats that I am teaching her to bake for the ones she loves.

Like this one.



Banana Bunt Cake.

I love feeding my family healthy, nutritious foods, but I also enjoy balancing that with a few sweet baked goods. This is one of them. To get my recipe click here.

When we first started our "kitchen dance" it was clumsy, messy, and we were both unsure. Back then my two year old partner was just as eager to please as she is now, but the eagerness displayed itself more in ways like flour spilled on the floor, the chocolate chip bag dumped on the counter, or egg shells stirred into our batter. I wasn't a good teacher at first. I had to grow into my patience and my graciousness with this sweet little wannabe sous chef. But looking back, it was so worth it, to take the time, to allow her to learn the basic steps of our "kitchen dance". Not even a clean kitchen floor can replace those first sloppy moments working side- by- side together.



She is already practicing the steps on her own - just waiting for the day when she will lead and be the Cadence in her kitchen.

But for now I will cling to her apron strings a bit longer. Neither of us have mastered the steps to our final "kitchen dance", and thankfully we have time ahead of us.

(These photos are a few weeks old. There is no baking going on in our home today, as we all have the stomach bug. Praying we are at the end of it!)