.Jesus Died for our Privacy....or Not.

I have lots of thoughts swirling on this concept of privacy and living biblically.

Are we called to live a life of privacy?

Are we entitled to privacy?

What does the Bible say about privacy?

I have been thinking through this issue of privacy for about a year now, and Jim and I have talked about it extensively. I admit that when left to my own nature, I like to be a private person, but I am starting to wonder if that is actually my sin nature.

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In the culture we are living, in America, in this time period, it seems to me that we are living as some of the most private people in all of the world throughout all time. I am no exception. We live in a neighborhood surrounded by houses, and we have lived here for over three years. Our family only knows the names of one other family on our whole street. This never would have been the case in Bible times and in the ancient world. It's not even the case for many other countries in the world today. We saw that first hand in Ethiopia. Life is about living in community for those cultures. At the same time, we are living in a culture and time period in which our every move and thought can be documented on social media, and we can choose to live in a way that people in the past and people of other countries cannot even fathom living. It's an odd mix.

When searching the Bible, I have not found anything that indicates that I am to live a secret life, as an island, with my family. I understand the culture was different, but the Bible continues to be my guiding point. I keep running into passages like this.

Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what such people do secretly; but everything exposed by the light becomes visible. Ephesians 5:11-13

It seems that this verse is actually warning believers that secrecy and privacy can lead to a life that does not bring glory to God.

And then there is this one.

You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lamp stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

This verse seems to be calling believers out to live their lives publicly in front of others - even maybe the things that we think should be private - i.e. good works. This could very easily mean that we are to expose our families, our finances, our prayer requests and needs etc. Jesus actually says that when we live publicly we are bringing glory to God! This goes against every part of my introverted heart and the way I was raised, BUT here it is plain as day in the Bible.

My husband has been called to be a pastor, and in that I have been called to be a pastor's wife. The biblical qualifications and regulations placed on Jim, because he is a pastor, are huge.

The saying is sure: whoever aspires to the office of bishop [pastor] desires a noble task. Now a bishop must be above reproach, married only once, temperate, sensible, respectable, hospitable, an apt teacher, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, and not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, keeping his children submissive and respectful in every way– for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may be puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace and the snare of the devil. I Timothy 3:1-7

When I look through this passage I am blown away at how many qualifications seem to be private matters (according to our culture - yes, even church culture - today). If we are supposed to live our lives privately, though, how would the body of Christ know if Jim was meeting these qualifications? I am starting to get the feeling that I am called (because I am a believer and even more specifically because I am a pastor's wife) to live a transparent, authentic and open life in front of others, and that God never intended us to barricade our lives from our brothers and sisters in Christ. For one thing we are to function as a family, as a unit, as a part of the whole - that is what God has called us to be.

If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. I Corinthians 1:26

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15

These passages are not the only ones that touch on our life together as a body of Christ; there are many others that touch on it as well. (I Corinthians 6:15-20, I Corinthians 7:5, 2 Corinthians 1:8, Ephesians 6:4, James 5:16, etc.) I believe that God intended for His believers to live in an authentic community where the intimate details of our lives are exposed to one another. How can anyone rejoice with me or weep with me if they are not invited into my private life?

Privacy gives us the ability to hide our lives from our brothers and sisters in Christ. Because of privacy we can keep secret our struggles, our sin problems, our joys, our victories, our pain. We can isolate ourselves from the very people God predestined to walk life with us. We can keep private the very areas of our life where we need the help and accountability of God's people. I am starting to think that privacy is posion within the body of Christ.

I am going to be bold and may be hitting an emotionally charged issue, but I feel as if it is one that needs to be talked about. I truly think that many believers are living their lives way too privately. This privacy keeps them disconnected from the body of Christ and the abundant life Jesus died for them to have. I was guilty of this for years. I still struggle with the desire to not live authentically - to hide my pains, my fears, my short comings - and to isolate myself from others, but I am beginning to understand the freedom and even joy that comes from living my life openly.

I am also starting to see that if I want to glorify God with my life I do not have a choice about living privately. God did not call me to a life of isolation, and I need my brothers and sister in Christ.

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.I Want My Jesus.

He had colored the little black and white drawing of Jesus, who was now glued to a Popsicle stick. Another paper was glued with white, puffy cotton balls in an attempt to look like clouds. Jesus could carefully be pushed through the slit in the cloud paper to look as if He was ascending into heaven. Scotty is always really proud of the papers he colors in Sunday School. He was especially fond of this one. Perhaps it was the ability to move Jesus in and out of the clouds - fascinating for a two year old I am sure.

On the way home from church, Scotty was strapped in his car seat happily playing with his Sunday School Jesus and Jim was driving. It was just the two of them that morning as Cadi and Jamesy were not feeling well, so I stayed home to care for them. All of sudden Jim heard crying and screaming coming from behind him.

I want my Jesus!

I want my Jesus!

I want my Jesus!

Scotty had dropped the Popsicle stick that had Jesus glued to it.

As Jim told me of this account after arriving home, my thoughts slowed and stilled. When was the last time I had cried out like that?

When was the last time I truly yearned and cried for my Jesus? When would nothing else and no one else do? In that moment, Scotty was so consumed by Jesus (yes, his Popsicle stick one) that nothing else could satisfy his longing. Am I consumed by my Jesus or am I letting other things, other people satisfy the longing?

Today I will walk in the presence of Jesus. I am purposing to long for Him- my rescuer - the One who redeemed my soul and pours His grace out over me.

Today I will abide in him, because I want my Jesus.

.Hospitality is {not} a Dirty Word Part 2.

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The door bell would ring, and I would grimace as I mentally went through my calendar and schedule for the day. I would peek out the window and grumble.

Why is so and so here? I did not invite her over. Doesn’t she realize I have things to do?

This was my mindset for so long. I would begrudgingly open the door with a {fake} smile on my face praying that whomever had come to interrupt my day would leave soon.

Or sometimes I would invite someone over and then spend the hours prior to their visit scurrying around my home screaming at anyone or anything that got in my way – trying my best to make everything appear perfect and in control while feeling frazzled and very much out of control the whole time. As soon as the doorbell would ring I would plaster on my plastic smile, pull my perfect looking, but now wounded due to my crazed actions, family to my side, and act as though, why yes my home is always this sparkling and why no it is no inconvenience at all to host you. I had become quite good at being plastic.

Or how about the times when an entire family would come over and their children would run unruly around our home and mess up what I had just spent so long on staging? I would surely grumble in my heart then. Or the guests that do not take off their shoes and track mud onto my freshly vacuumed carpet? Oh how my heart grumbled in protest at the sight of that mud.

And then there was the clean up after the guests left. The mountains of dirty dishes. The crumbs on top of the once freshly swept and mopped floor. Oh how the grumbles would spew from my heart.

I was very good at masking these grumbles for my guests, but my family knew my heart. What was I teaching my children about hospitality? I was teaching them exactly what it was not. I was teaching them that it was a performance, an inconvenience, a show. Even more important than my precious family seeing through my charade – God saw through it.

My heart has been pricked by the words in I Peter 4:9 Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.

That verse was in exact contradiction to how I was showing hospitality.

I slowly realized that this was an issue of pride and of a false sense of control. All that I have is God’s – my time, my home, my possessions. When I see it in that light I tend to loosen my grip on the perfect image I am trying to portray and find my identity in Christ. I find it easier to open my doors, easier to relax my expectations, and as the grumbling ceases my heart is filled with joy. Ultimately hospitality is not about me -it’s about giving God the glory through serving and loving others.

[This is reposted from an article I wrote for Raising Homemakers. God continues to need to refine me in this area, but I am thankful for his grace which has allowed my growth. To read part 1 click here.]

.Hospitality is {not} a Dirty Word.

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As a newly wed, desperately trying to acclimate myself to the mysterious – in my mind - roles of homemaker and wife, I would shudder at the mere mention of hospitality. For my introverted and mostly private personality the thought of opening my home to others was not appealing. It has taken me several years feeling my way through these roles to learn what hospitality is not.

Hospitality is not showing off a perfectly kept home.

Hospitality is not about showcasing my Food Channel Network capabilities.

Hospitality is not serving guests with fine china and crystal goblets.

Hospitality is not only for people with big houses.

Hospitality is not about being an excellent conversationalist.

Hospitality is not about having a big budget.

Hospitality is not always written into the calendar.

Hospitality is not synonymous with entertaining.

The Bible has a very different definition of hospitality and tells us exactly what hospitality is.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace. 1 Peter 4:8-10

The biggest challenge that God has lain upon my heart through my journey to understand what hospitality is and is not, is that hospitality does not ask me to be impressive - with my home, with my food, with myself. Lay the measuring stick of perfectionism aside, and open your doors wide. Simply share with others what God has blessed you with – no matter what that is or looks like. When we choose to practice biblical hospitality we will soon learn that it is a lifestyle that spills from our heart.

Hospitality, just like all areas of our life, is an opportunity to be an example to our daughters. I do not believe that every area of homemaking has to be formally taught, we can just live it out in front of our children – our daughters, including them along the way. (I think it is best when it is caught rather than taught most times.) That is what I do with my five year old Cadi. It means that when a play mate is coming over, she helps me prepare her toy room, and we do so joyfully. I include her in preparing our home and food for our guests. Yes, this takes extra time, extra patience, extra diligence – we must be intentional. But if I am doing a biblical job in my modeling, she will not really be modeling me but rather Jesus Christ. After all He is whom I desire for my daughter to look like – not me.

Simply stated hospitality is loving people. When we welcome people into our home, when we serve them, when we delight in their presence, we are showing the world that we love people. While welcoming people into our churches is good; when we welcome people into our home we are welcoming them into a sacred, intimate part of our life. We are showing them love without expecting a reciprocal invitation. We are not performing. We are simply sharing our home, our food, and most importantly, we are sharing our lives.


[This post was reprinted from the archives. It was first published last year when I was a contributor at Raising Homakers. True, biblical hospitality is an area that I have grown a lot in since first being married, but I am constantly having to remind myself what hospitality is and isn't.]
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Living Simply: What Does it {really} Mean?

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” -William Morris

I was so badly bruised in Ethiopia. The bruising is manifesting itself in so many different ways.

I came home with a beautiful brown-eyed boy tucked into my arms and his country tucked into my heart. Though I felt so much joy, so much happiness, at finally having our son here in our home, my insides were also in turmoil. I can never look at my beautiful boy and not remember what I saw, what I now know, and that changes everything. I am living with a daily reminder of Ethiopia.

For the first three weeks home with Jamesy I could not breathe, I could not relax, I could not enjoy some of the most precious moments our family has ever been given. I was being suffocated in my home. The "stuff" that for so long I thought was so important was closing in on me, consuming me - my time, my energy, my thoughts. It was daily robbing bits of my joy. I thought about Ethiopia and what I knew, and I could not reconcile the two.

Jim and I have been wrestling through this knowing and how it must change our living. We don't believe God desires for anyone to live in poverty, so that is not the answer. But when people say God wants me to have nice things justifying their material possessions, well that sits in my gut like fingernails on a chalkboard. Where does the Bible say that? Yes, God wants our needs to be met. I do believe there is a standard of living that He desires for His children, but as Jim and I have been talking we do not believe that it is an American standard of living.

So, what is the standard?

{sigh} I'm not sure. Maybe it is not cut and dry. But this much I do know - we have not been living the way God desires our family to live - consumed with our stuff - cleaning it, moving it, storing it, sorting it - all of it steals the precious gift of time God has given us to steward. It is stealing our time away from loving people well. I was not stewarding my time in a godly way. I couldn't - not with all of the "stuff".

I happened on Tsh Oxenreider's book Organized Simplicity:The clutter free approach to intentional living. (I believe I first heard of this book via a blog post that I read of another woman who was reading the book.) What caught my attention was the intentional living part. That is what I so desire for my life - for it to be intentional - with purpose - my parenting, my wifery, my homemaking, my homeschooling, my ministries, etc. I read the book in a day (after ordering it for free with my swagbucks! ) and was hooked. I loved the author's perspective on simple living. She redefines it in a way that makes so much sense - especially for me as a believer desperate to live my life in a way that pleases my God. Tsh spends the whole first part of the book defining simple living - getting away from the "buzz word - going green" definition that we have all grown accustomed too.

Summing up her definition simply {grin} Living Simply just means simplifying your life (and it is not cookie cutter for everyone). Simple right?! {wink}

So for five days last week, I went room by room, closet, by closet, space by space in my house and simplified everything. (Yes, Tsh recommends 10 days. I am an overachiever, and I just wanted it DONE!) My husband was a huge help, although a few times he raised his eyebrows and I am sure wondered if meals would ever go back to normal. He helped me kick start the process on his day off with the toy room and living room. Tsh suggests tackling one room at a time and emptying the entire room - cleaning it top to bottom and then only putting back what is either useful or beautiful. Yes, I did that in my entire house. Yes, it was a ton, a ton of work.

YES, IT WAS WORTH IT.

The book suggests holding a yard sale. Just the thought of that made me break out in hives, so I opted out of that. BUT we eliminated at least 50 garbage bags of "stuff" {cringe} from our house - it is all GONE!

And I can breathe!

There are a lot of helpful things in the book such as recipes for homemade cleaning products, practical checklists to go room-by-room in your house and an appendix filled with great printables to help assist in running a home smoothly and simply.

Jim and I were also able to come up with a mission statement for our home upon Tsh's suggestion, and I love it.

Overall I am just so changed by Ethiopia, my son, God opening our eyes to the world outside of us, and now - this book has been added to the puzzle as we learn to live our life in a way that truly emulates Jesus Christ.

I know this is a life-long battle that I will have to fight with my flesh - the desire for more. I love yard saling and bargain shopping for things that we "might" need, and that has. to. stop. I do not believe that I am honoring Christ when I am doing that. I am wasting time and resources. I hope to go through my home room-by-room (not necessarily pulling everything out again!) and simplify every 3-4 months. Hopefully, it is never as massive as a clean out as this time was. I already know that there will be items that do not make the next "cut" and get eliminated, and I am okay with that.

I want living simply to be part of my life so that my time, my resources, my desires can be completely focused on Jesus Christ. I believe that is what God taught me the most last week as I went through our "stuff". Our possesions - our "stuff" had become my idol as I allowed it to consume my time, my resources, my desires.

I've had enough of the "stuff".

I feel as if I did not only spring clean my home, but more significantly my heart.