.Exposing the Pain.

I was not really sure how to write about this, and I am still not sure. Partly because we will be living it, and have not lived through it, yet. Neither do we know what the living through it will look like.

Adoption is always filled with loss and pain. Yes, it is beautiful, yes, it is at the heart of God, but in the middle of it is a painful, ugly mess.

However, the pain doesn't take away from the beauty.



Most of our time spent with Jamesy in Ethiopia was wrapped in pain - his pain - which became our pain. His scars run deep and thick.

Our love for him was instantaneous and sure.

But for him we were just two white strangers, who looked funny, talked funny, and smelled funny.

Day after day our loving on him was like ripping scabs off of a crusted wound. Our very presence inflicted more pain in his already wounded heart. There were times, where as his mommy, I was at a loss. It hurt to see him hurt, and often I was tempted to run him right back into his baby room and lay him in the arms of familar. But the only way to journey this road to healing is to expose ourselves to the reality of his pain, his hurt, his wounds.

We are praying for healing for his heart that can only come from God. We can plan and prepare and educate ourselves and those around us, but ultimately the healing must be soul deep and we are incapable to do that.



If you think of it, pray for him in the days, months, years to come.

Although, he is no longer an orphan - he has no concept of being a son, of having a family, or a safe home. And the love that comes with all of that is completely foreign to him.

This is the new journey for our family. This is new territory for us as we fight for the heart and soul of our brown-eyed boy. This is where adoption becomes missional.

Psalm 68:6a God sets the lonely in families....