Where is the Love? .A Christmas Post.

I suppose that I should state right at the very beginning, that I am as much a part of this problem as the next person. This is not supposed to come across as yet another judgy post about judgmentalism. Goodness there are enough of those without me adding my voice. I am examining my own heart, and I process best when there are letters underneath my fingertips. So if you landed here, understand that you landed on what is my own self-examination poured out on the screen. {lucky you}

If you spend anytime on social media, which I am guessing you do a little, since you are here, then it is not hard to be bombarded with all of the Christmas links and posts swirling around. You know the ones:

why my family doesn't do Santa,

why my family does do Santa,

why we don't buy gifts for our kids,

why we do buy gifts for our kids,

why Christmas has been reduced to a materialist, consumerist big marketing day,

how to reclaim Christmas and make it simple,

why we do Elf on the Shelf,

why Elf on the Shelf is evil,

why only purchase gifts that make a difference,

why make Christmas magical and go all-out with gift giving

etc. You get my point. The tension is high and our swords are drawn. This happens so much with Jesus-followers. I recently wrote another post noticing lines drawn in the sand with the adoption community. It happens all of the time - mud-slinging, dividing lines, judgments, and self-righteousness - and so much of it in the name of Jesus.

And when this happens the enemy is getting this victory. No, of course he does not win in the end, but these little battles, the battles that occur and break down the Kingdom rather than build it up, he's winning them, and we are his pawns. We willingly pick fights against our brothers and sisters, and work so hard on defending our opinions that our energy is used up in all of the wrong places.

And the world is taking note.

John 13:35 says, Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples. It doesn't say that we will be known for the way we defend ourselves, not even for our doctrine, not for the political side we lean into, or the churches we attend, our piety, or the lines we draw in the sand. The one characteristic that is supposed to be able to identify us as Jesus followers to the world is our love - our extravagant, unmistakable, over-the-top lavished on love, and even more specifically in that verse - our love for one another.  But golly, where is the love? Our bashing of the way our brothers and sisters choose to celebrate the birth of Jesus certainly is not showing the world this love that should identify us. We have the absolute biggest and best reason to celebrate Christmas! We know the amazing miracle that happened when Jesus, the Son of God, came down into our mess, humbled himself and changed everything because of the divine rescue plan that was set into motion the night His helpless baby of a body was laid into that rustic manger. We know the secret that was born in that stable. We also know that it was the greatest act and the greatest gift of love for God to sacrifice His Son. And we should be proclaiming that love from the rooftops, and mimicking it with our lives. The two greatest commands are pretty clear - love God with our everything, and love people as much as ourselves(Luke 10:27).

LOVE.

LOVE.

LOVE.

Somewhere along the way, we have lost our love - the very thing that should identify us with Jesus - the Jesus Who our Christmas celebrations revolve around.

I want Christmas to be meaningful for my family, and I think it is necessary to think through traditions and how our family will celebrate the birth of our King. I really think that is a beautiful and wise thing. But it's okay if my family does it differently than your family does it. It's okay to give each other the grace to be this Christmas. I just want off the crazy-train of mud-slinging. I've had enough.

I hope my home is only filled with Jesus and His love this Christmas, and that is what I hope for you as well - regardless of how your family chooses to celebrate it. We have this amazing chance to show the world something different this Christmas. I am laying down my sword, asking for forgiveness, and I am picking up love.

.

.Judgement in Christianity Sucks.

I have been working up the ambition and courage for too long to write the next chapter of my book. (I am still waiting to hear from the publisher, but honestly I need to write this book for me alone if for nobody else.) The next chapter is about the reaction of telling our families and friends that we were adopting (the first time around), and honestly I wish I could just skip that chapter. I don't want to write it. I don't want to relive it. I don't want to tell the truth. It wasn't all bad, but the bad still definitely sticks out the most. The words and actions still sting.

Africa?! Why would you choose Africa? Why not China? Then the baby would look a little bit more like you.

Why would you ever choose to adopt when you can make such beautiful children?

We will be your biggest cheerleaders! {crickets for most of the next year}

How will you ever pay for that? Don't you realize how risky this is? It is cheaper and safer to have your own.

What is the hurry in bringing your baby home? It's not the same thing as having Cadi or Scotty stuck over in Africa.

There was so much judgement, and all of this came from people we dearly love and who are our brothers and sisters in Jesus. (And the second time around, with Habi, was the same but worse, because now we were looking at bringing home a {gasp} teenager with "tons of baggage" who might be a dangerous threat to our family - the risks were unthinkable.) Thinking about it brings up a lot of emotions and hurt; hurt that I thought I had gotten past. However, it is part of our story - it is now threaded into our life. And even if I have to change names, I will write it. I will write it for me and for my healing.

I was naive and excited and probably overly-passionate - I was a lot like an expectant mother. Only the reaction was not quite the same. I still grieve over silly things - like the lack of celebratory showers. And it wasn't the shower or gifts or recognition that I wanted, but the memory and the celebration of this life that was being gifted to us. So many things have been stolen from my two brown-eyed children. I will never be able to pull out a baby book that starts with my expectant belly and chronicles their birth, their first bath, their first teeth, first smile, first giggle. There are so many holes in their histories that I will never be able to fill in, and that I can only pray that God will stand in and soothe. At the beginning I was truly hoping and praying that those around us would come around us and celebrate, so that in the future years, I could pull out some tangible evidence and say See? See all of these beautiful family members and friends celebrating you? See how cherished and treasured and wanted you were? But God had other plans and did it in other ways, and I think I do have tangible evidence to pull out for them, it just looks different than I expected. And honestly what in this journey doesn't look different than I expected?

I guess where I am going in any of this, is that I am just plain tired of the judgement that happens in Christianity. I get that we have taken a different road than some. I get that we are uber-passionate about this road, and that makes us unrelatable at times. I know that I have been misunderstood (and judged) regarding orphan care and adoption. I know there are people that think we think every Christian should adopt, and it does not matter how many different ways we say that is not the case, they will always believe it. What I do not understand is the judgement. Just because God has not called us all to the same journey, does that really give us the right to judge others? Hasn't God called us to love people? Isn't that the second greatest command? LOVE.

I'm just tired of the ugliness. I wish I could say the judgment stopped after we brought our boys home. However, now we are being judged on how many children we have, how we parent these children - all four, which child gets highlighted the most, which children are not getting the attention they need, decisions we make regarding school and sports, I have been judged for being "too perfect" or for our life being "too crazy", judged for decisions we make regarding Jamesy's special needs care, how we spread out our time, how we can afford gas to drive Habi to and from school (I don't know, but please stop judging us!) etc. I feel like I am constantly turning around and defending every. single. decision. It's exhausting. And what I would really love is a hug, a smile, and a there there, Jesus is near, and I am here for you. I am really here for you.

I am writing to me. I am just as guilty of judging others, but I want it to stop. It grieves me. I do not want to be critical of others and point out their imperfections. That is really not the intent of this post. I have way too many imperfections of my own to dwell on others. I am not trying to write a judgmental post on judging. I just really want it all to stop. I desire so much for Christians to really act like the body and LOVE. How we treat others should not be based on how we hope for them to treat us in return. Love is active. Love is the gospel in action. Love nurtures and protects and cherishes. What if we all just walked the journey that God has carved for us and cheered on others who are walking their own journeys?

What if the followers of Jesus were actually known by their love?

What if we brought the love of Jesus to this world and to our brothers and sisters?

I don't have a way to wrap this post up in a neat bow. I was kind of directionless in writing it. I'm just bearing my heart this morning, looking to give and receive a little more love and a lot less judgment.

Because judgement in Christianity sucks.

And to lighten the mood, here is a peak into our {crazy} home. I feel so blessed by these dear  ones. There is a lot of noise, a lot of chaos, and inside these four walls, rather than judgement, there is a whole lot of LOVE.

.Everyone's Talking About It.

At least my facebook feed was just filled with the news yesterday. The news that the Duggar family is expecting their 20th child.

Source

Yes, that did catch my attention, but what caught my attention even more was the way that fellow brothers and sisters (mostly sisters) criticized and judged them - if they didn't "agree" with their decision to conceive again, or judge and criticize other believers for either agreeing or disagreeing with the decision. It was kind of a mess. And it made me pause.

I don't really have an opinion on the situation. It is not my decision. It has nothing to do with me. How a family decides to fill or not fill their quiver is just between that husband and wife and God. Some families are led to have one child, some three, some none. We chose to only birth two and then "fill our quiver" (so ambiguous, right?!) the remaining way through the miracle of adoption. The Duggars have taken a different approach. True, it's not one that many take today, but who are we to judge what God's perfect plan is for their family? All that to say why are brothers and sisters in Christ criticizing and judging fellow believers? How must this hurt the body of Christ? How must this sadden the Spirit?

Do you know what else hurts? Being on the receiving end of judgement from other believers. Unfortunately our family has had its fair share of criticism, whispers behind our back, and judgement for the way we have chosen to grow our family. We were even told things like as soon as your adoption is complete and Jamesy is home, I am sure you will be pregnant again. Almost as if adoption was not equal with being pregnant and having birth children. And, yup, it hurts, alot. Unfortunately my hands are not clean in all of this. I have judged and criticized. I am completely guilty in this area of judging people in my heart. God has been breaking me in this area, and perhaps that is why I was more sensitive to noticing it yesterday.

I think I would rather edify my sisters and brothers, and that means that I will not participate in the "Duggar debate". Plus I really have a lot of areas in my life to work on before I start pointing at other people. I'm pretty much a mess.

How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Luke 6:42

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