.Community.

As we seek out to build this new kind of church, there is one theme that continues to stand out in the front - community. We see it in the book of Acts in the first church (Acts 2:42-47) - goodness - they were DEVOTED to one another. Can you just imagine a community devoted to one another? A community that loved each other so much that they desired to share their lives with each other? That is exactly the first church that God established, and yet, I look at so many churches today and see how very far we have drifted from this mind set.  How we have let our culture dictate our posture towards each other. We see this beautiful relationship perfectly lived out, way back in Genesis at the beginning of this created world - God, Jesus, and the Spirit were all in community with one another. The theme is woven throughout history, time, the Bible, and our world - although sometimes it is hard to find here in our culture which values individualism so much. One thing that resonated with me the most about Ethiopia, was the community that was there - people doing life together. And the women - oh, how beautiful the women were - loving on each other with lavish kisses, and literally raising babies together. They truly had a village. And I came home with an ache, because for the first time I realized, I truly did not, but I was desperate for it - breathless for it.

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We were not created to live life in isolation. And yet, so many of us carry these excruciating battle scars that keep us running from community. I am right there, too; I make the same excuses, carry the same scars, and have the same fears. As an introvert, it is easy for me to retreat, pull away from people, and become a hermit. It is comfortable, and it is second nature. And although, many times it truly feels like a security blanket to me, it is not the way that God intended me to live out this one life. Even as an introvert, I still need my people.

And the truth is, we all do.

But tragically, especially for women, community is complicated. If we are honest, we have all been on the receiving end of a hurtful community or friendship. The past wounds inflicted on our heart from other women, leave us questioning whether it is even worth it. The emotional  reactions that surface when we think of past experiences are bitter and real. Disappointment burns, betrayal bites, women and their words wound so deeply. And yet, we desire a community where we can be real and raw and broken and messy - a community where we can be transparent and vulnerable with no fear that we will be met with criticism and judgement. We want a community that takes on the posture of Jesus, where God shows up, and where the Spirit weaves. We deeply need community with other people - with other women. We want to know other women intimately and, we need to be known in the same way, and we need to be safe in the knowing. We need a place where we can know that it is okay to not be okay, and where we do not have to answer every "How are you?" with "Fine". Because none of us are fine, and it is okay to not be fine.

For a lot of years, I have learned to hide behind that "fine". I have hid for so long, that now at 33 years old, I am just uncovering the real me - the one that doesn't have to be hidden. The one who doesn't have to pretend to be perfect and put-together in order to be accepted. I have lived a lifetime of surface relationships, arm-length friendships, withdrawal, isolation, masking - faking. I thought I had to in order to be liked and accepted, and while it band aided the pain of rejection, it kept me from being healed and redeemed in community. It kept me from community. It kept me jaded and cynical and not able to maintain deep friendships, because although I am an introvert, I don't do shallow well, or small-talk. I like to go deep fast, get to the heart, but that is terrifying - for me and probably for other women.

I am desperate for community though, and friendship with women. I finally am beginning to see that this is what I am craving - a safe place to laugh and share stories, to cry with and for one another, to enter another person's pain and journey and life. My defenses and callousness and hurts and fears need to be melted away. I need a community where I can mess up and not be a good friend, and be grabbed by the neck and not let go. Because I won't be good at it - at least not right away. I want to be bare before my sisters - blemishes, scars, warts and all. I desire that genuine connection that God desires for us all. I yearn for community, and am excited about the women that God is putting into this new season of my life.

The best is yet to be.

.Everyone Needs Some Iron.

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. Proverbs 27:17

Have you ever had a friend that brings such richness and color to your life? I think, no matter our personalities, God created us - especially women - to crave deep, meaningful relationships with other women. The older I get the more I am understanding how God created people for people. He did not create us to be an island - especially as the body of Christ - but rather to be and live in community. This is not always easy for me. I like my privacy, but am discovering that the Bible really has nothing to say on what I thought was my entitlement - privacy. That is partly why I began to blog more transparently.

God has blessed me with many different friendships. I am learning how friendships are always evolving and going through seasons, and I am becoming content with that knowledge. Women friendships are beautiful, but they can be wounding as well. One thing is true, every women's soul desires an enduring friend, and one whom is not afraid to sharpen her friend. One who lasts through any circumstance. We all need this kind of friend - for a knife can never sharpen itself.

It has been my joy to cultivate a new (but seems as worn as my favorite blanket) friendship that has blessed my life in immeasurable ways. I wrote of my friend JO for the first time here. Every women needs a "JO" in her life. I am thankful for mine. I have never had a friendship that ran so deep so quickly. I have been friends with other women, whom I dearly love, for years, but have not ever completely taken down the mask. You know the one that we all wear - the one we think protects our heart? But the mask was ripped off the first time we stood face to face in her driveway hugging each other tight. The tears ran down my cheeks as I told her thank you for sharing your story (her story led us to Jamesy), and there was no shame. It was in that moment that I knew that I had found a good thing.

Having a friend whom I can be completely vulnerable with is new. I have cried more with her than anyone else I can think of. Having a friend that pushes me and leaves me hungry for the Word of God is new and delightful and priceless. Every time that we talk on the phone (which is becoming often and is very out of character for me) I hang up longing for a more intimate relationship with my Savior. That is what I mean when I say every women needs a "JO". She has earned the place in my life where I know that I can count on her to sharpen me, because she loves me.

Tell me how you study the Bible again, JO. I breathed into the phone this week. Then I sat with tears silently flowing and listened and listened as wisdom so naturally flowed from her lips, through the phone, and into my ear.

I am realizing that without a godly woman who can sharpen me, I could quickly grow dull.

Do you have a woman in your life who sharpens you?

Is God calling you to sharpen someone?

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Proverbs 27:9

[God orchestrated the details of our second trip to Ethiopia to coordinate with JO and her husband's first trip to Ethiopia to meet their daughter. We used different agencies and were in totally different stages of the process, but God saw fit to allow us to experience the birth country of our children together. It is a memory that I will carry to the grave. I still am in awe at the goodness of God, and how He cares about details.]
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