Where is the Love? .A Christmas Post.

I suppose that I should state right at the very beginning, that I am as much a part of this problem as the next person. This is not supposed to come across as yet another judgy post about judgmentalism. Goodness there are enough of those without me adding my voice. I am examining my own heart, and I process best when there are letters underneath my fingertips. So if you landed here, understand that you landed on what is my own self-examination poured out on the screen. {lucky you}

If you spend anytime on social media, which I am guessing you do a little, since you are here, then it is not hard to be bombarded with all of the Christmas links and posts swirling around. You know the ones:

why my family doesn't do Santa,

why my family does do Santa,

why we don't buy gifts for our kids,

why we do buy gifts for our kids,

why Christmas has been reduced to a materialist, consumerist big marketing day,

how to reclaim Christmas and make it simple,

why we do Elf on the Shelf,

why Elf on the Shelf is evil,

why only purchase gifts that make a difference,

why make Christmas magical and go all-out with gift giving

etc. You get my point. The tension is high and our swords are drawn. This happens so much with Jesus-followers. I recently wrote another post noticing lines drawn in the sand with the adoption community. It happens all of the time - mud-slinging, dividing lines, judgments, and self-righteousness - and so much of it in the name of Jesus.

And when this happens the enemy is getting this victory. No, of course he does not win in the end, but these little battles, the battles that occur and break down the Kingdom rather than build it up, he's winning them, and we are his pawns. We willingly pick fights against our brothers and sisters, and work so hard on defending our opinions that our energy is used up in all of the wrong places.

And the world is taking note.

John 13:35 says, Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples. It doesn't say that we will be known for the way we defend ourselves, not even for our doctrine, not for the political side we lean into, or the churches we attend, our piety, or the lines we draw in the sand. The one characteristic that is supposed to be able to identify us as Jesus followers to the world is our love - our extravagant, unmistakable, over-the-top lavished on love, and even more specifically in that verse - our love for one another.  But golly, where is the love? Our bashing of the way our brothers and sisters choose to celebrate the birth of Jesus certainly is not showing the world this love that should identify us. We have the absolute biggest and best reason to celebrate Christmas! We know the amazing miracle that happened when Jesus, the Son of God, came down into our mess, humbled himself and changed everything because of the divine rescue plan that was set into motion the night His helpless baby of a body was laid into that rustic manger. We know the secret that was born in that stable. We also know that it was the greatest act and the greatest gift of love for God to sacrifice His Son. And we should be proclaiming that love from the rooftops, and mimicking it with our lives. The two greatest commands are pretty clear - love God with our everything, and love people as much as ourselves(Luke 10:27).

LOVE.

LOVE.

LOVE.

Somewhere along the way, we have lost our love - the very thing that should identify us with Jesus - the Jesus Who our Christmas celebrations revolve around.

I want Christmas to be meaningful for my family, and I think it is necessary to think through traditions and how our family will celebrate the birth of our King. I really think that is a beautiful and wise thing. But it's okay if my family does it differently than your family does it. It's okay to give each other the grace to be this Christmas. I just want off the crazy-train of mud-slinging. I've had enough.

I hope my home is only filled with Jesus and His love this Christmas, and that is what I hope for you as well - regardless of how your family chooses to celebrate it. We have this amazing chance to show the world something different this Christmas. I am laying down my sword, asking for forgiveness, and I am picking up love.

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.How to Take {Pretty} Photos of Your Christmas Tree. {Repost}

[This is a repost taken from last December.]

Let me start with my disclaimer - I am not a pro-photographer. In all honesty I am a momtographer - a mommy with a dslr who is passionate about capturing moments of my children's childhood. Everything I know is self taught. A lot of what I have learned is intuitive and trial and error. I was asked yesterday by three different people how to take pictures of their Christmas tree. I am going to attempt to answer how I did it in as simplistic of terms as I can. I am sure there are far better tutorials out there, and definitely far more technical tutorials to be found. But here is what I do.

The camera I use is a Nikon D5000, and my current favorite lens (which has not left Roxy, my camera, since the day I purchased it!) is a Nikkor 35 mm. LOVE this lens. Love, love, love it.

Moving on.

So your lighted Christmas tree photos might be turning out like this....

(no sparkly glow - the flash sucked it all away {sad})

when what you are really wanting is a photo more like this.

The first photo was taken in auto mode on my camera with the flash.

Here is how I got the bottom photo:

Tip #1 Light your Christmas tree. Turn off all of the other lights in your room. I took this photo around 8ish, so it was completely dark out at this time.

Tip #2 Use a tripod or something to set your camera on. (You will want to do this anytime you begin slowing your shutter speed -which means your shutter will stay open longer in order to let in more light - and it is really hard to hold still enough to not shake your camera and blur your photo.) Jim has a really nice tripod, but I was feeling lazy, so I just propped my camera on some crates that I had.

Tip #3 Turn your camera to manual mode. This automatically turns off my flash on my camera. You want your flash off.

Tip #4 Change your ISO (for my camera I go to the menu to change ISOs). My room was dark except for the tree, so I changed my ISO to 3200 (as high as my camera will allow). You may want to play around with this for your camera and depending on what time of day it is.

Tip #5 Because I only had light from the tree in the room I wanted my lens open as wide as it could go in order to suck as much light in as I could. So this meant that I wanted to change my f stop (aperture) to the SMALLEST number. For my lens that is 1.8.

Tip #6 The last thing I did was change my shutter speed to 1/60 for this shot (I metered on my Christmas lights - if that does not make sense to you just keep adjusting your shutter speed and snapping until you like the look!).

Tip #7 Focus and shoot!

Voila! A {pretty} photo of a lit tree!

Let me know if you give it a try, if it helps, or if you have better/different tips to share!
(All photos are unedited - straight out of the camera)

.How to Take {Pretty} Photos of Your Christmas Tree.

Let me start with my disclaimer - I am not a pro-photographer. In all honesty I am a momtographer - a mommy with a dslr who is passionate about capturing moments of my children's childhood. Everything I know is self taught. A lot of what I have learned is intuitive and trial and error. I was asked yesterday by three different people how to take pictures of their Christmas tree. I am going to attempt to answer how I did it in as simplistic of terms as I can. I am sure there are far better tutorials out there, and definitely far more technical tutorials to be found. But here is what I do.

The camera I use is a Nikon D5000, and my current favorite lens (which has not left Roxy, my camera, since the day I purchased it!) is a Nikkor 35 mm. LOVE this lens. Love, love, love it.

Moving on.

So your lighted Christmas tree photos might be turning out like this....

(no sparkly glow - the flash sucked it all away {sad})

when what you are really wanting is a photo more like this.

The first photo was taken in auto mode on my camera with the flash.

Here is how I got the bottom photo:

Tip #1 Light your Christmas tree. Turn off all of the other lights in your room. I took this photo around 8ish, so it was completely dark out at this time.

Tip #2 Use a tripod or something to set your camera on. (You will want to do this anytime you begin slowing your shutter speed -which means your shutter will stay open longer in order to let in more light - and it is really hard to hold still enough to not shake your camera and blur your photo.) Jim has a really nice tripod, but I was feeling lazy, so I just propped my camera on some crates that I had.

Tip #3 Turn your camera to manual mode. This automatically turns off my flash on my camera. You want your flash off.

Tip #4 Change your ISO (for my camera I go to the menu to change ISOs). My room was dark except for the tree, so I changed my ISO to 3200 (as high as my camera will allow). You may want to play around with this for your camera and depending on what time of day it is.

Tip #5 Because I only had light from the tree in the room I wanted my lens open as wide as it could go in order to suck as much light in as I could. So this meant that I wanted to change my f stop (aperture) to the SMALLEST number. For my lens that is 1.8.

Tip #6 The last thing I did was change my shutter speed to 1/60 for this shot (I metered on my Christmas lights - if that does not make sense to you just keep adjusting your shutter speed and snapping until you like the look!).

Tip #7 Focus and shoot!

Voila! A {pretty} photo of a lit tree!

Let me know if you give it a try, if it helps, or if you have better/different tips to share!
(All photos are unedited - straight out of the camera)
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.Have I Mentioned.

Have I mentioned how much our family loves Classical Conversations, and how beautifully it is working out for us?















These were taken at our Classical Conversations Christmas party from last night.

.Reclaiming Christmas.

The hustle the bustle. To-do lists. Gift lists - for family, for friends, for neighbors and teachers, for the mailman and co-workers. Busyness. Expectations. Stress. Calendars bursting at the seams. Glitz. Santa. Materialism. Performance. Decorating. Commercials boasting the latest and greatest necessity to make one happy. Perfectionism.



Christmas.

What if it was all stripped away, and left naked of the stuff?

What if Christmas was really only about Jesus?

Would it look any different?



He carried down tub after tub after tub that groaned with the weight of Christmas decorations. Nine. I counted nine in all, and as I counted I felt my heart race and my stomach turn. Nine storage bins of stuff that was supposed to usher Christmas into my home. Up until last year, decorating for Christmas brought so much excitement and anticipation for me. Last Christmas, I emptied but one tub and decorated our tree. My heart was heavy, and the other decorations seemed frivolous. I chalked it up to the blanketing sadness that wrapped our family due to Jamesy not being home yet, as once promised.





I was sure that this year I would dive fully back into decorating my home top to bottom. But the nine boxes that stared at me seemed to mock the knowing that I now hold in my heart, of the poverty I had witnessed this year, of the truth of the fact that I have lived a sheltered, comfortable, ignorant to the plight of others, life here in America. That knowing permeates everything. My eyes see things and people differently - even Christmas. My eyes are seeing Jesus and His birthday - perhaps truly for the first time.





It's the reclaiming of Christmas that my soul longs for.

The erasing of the unnecessary and the magnifying of the Necessary - the only necessary in this life and the one to come - Jesus Christ. Christmas and all that it brings points to Him who came as a rag swaddled babe, born in a feeding trough in order to rescue the poverty stricken, broken me.



My one desire this season is to be intentional about this Christmas. In every choice of celebration this year it must point back to Jesus. It must.

Without Jesus, there is no Christmas.

Christmas is Christmas only because of Jesus.

Come let us adore Him - Christ the King!

.The Most wonderful Time of the Year.

It is, isn't it? This season is so full of expectation and wonder. I love Christmas. I love passing on Christmas traditions to my children. Above all else I love teaching my littles that the reason for the beauty, the excitement, the expectation surrounding Christmas is all and only because of Jesus. In order to do this, Jim and I have to be so purposeful in every single thing we do in celebrating Christmas; we want it all to communicate Jesus. It is intentional living to the max, and it is worth it if my children know and understand that Christmas equals Jesus. (Perhaps more on this in a later post, like how I almost had a breakdown this year decorating for Christmas.)



Our tree is decorated, and I am starting to love our fake tree. Every year it grows on me a bit more. Scotty is severely allergic to real trees. We learned that a few years ago, having a real tree in our home for less than 24 hours and Scotty almost landing in the hospital.

Our special ornaments are hung - like baby's first Christmas and the little handmade ones.













Traditions have started.



The name of Jesus is on our lips, and it is truly the most wonderful time of the year!

In the midst of this we are praising God that our family is all together this year.The bigs are praying for Jamesy's EEG today, and so am I.

.It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas.

I wanted to throw this challenge out to you again, in case someone missed it a few weeks back! So here is a repost: Last year Jim and I took the challenge to only spend money on Christmas gifts for friends and family that funded causes that combat social injustice- this included gifts for our children.

God continues to open our eyes to the needs around us and around the world. It is easy to feel defeated, though. The need is so, so GREAT. However, this was something relatively simple for us to do as a family, and we pray it made a small difference for God's glory. It was also a nice way to spread awareness about social injustice issues. Most of the gifts we purchased came with a little card that described the ministry, and what the funds from the gift went toward.

So my challenge for you, if you choose to take it, is to choose at least one person on your gift list, and buy them a gift where the money for that gift funds a cause to combat social injustice. You can take it as far as you want and purchase all gifts this way, or just buy one gift. I believe that even one gift can bring God glory and make a difference in another human being's life.

My sweet friend, Bethany has created a pinboard on Pinterest, and allowed me to contribute to it, that is dedicated to websites selling items that fit in the above categories. We've done all of the leg work for you, as we have spent several hours pulling sites together. All you have to do is go to our board, browse and shop. Bethany and I do not benefit from this in any way. We just wanted to have a way to encourage other believers to live out Micah 6:8 in a practical way, and we wanted another way to speak up for those without a voice.

To start shopping, simply go to our pinboard here.

And please, please share this on your blog, on facebook, with friends and family. You do not even need to link to us or credit us in anyway. I do not care if you take this blog post as your own, or copy all of our pins onto your own board. I just want to challenge us all to shop with a purpose this Christmas and to make a difference by sharing the love of Jesus Christ for the glory of God.

(source)

Happy shopping friends....

and Merry Christmas!

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PS Please leave links here to any sites I may have missed. We will continue to add to our collection! If you are an adopting family raising funds via a fundraiser we will add you as well.

.The Rhythm of my Heart this Christmas.

We lived a very different Christmas this year with fewer gifts, less flurry of activities, quieter, slower, and perhaps sweeter. And while my heart was filled with so much joy in experiencing and celebrating my Jesus' birth, I cannot pretend that every corner of my heart felt that joy. I braced myself for the sadness, and in doing so it did not swallow me, it did not overtake me, but it did linger and cling to the dark shadows in the little corners of my heart. He's not home, not home, not home. My heart beat out a steady rhythm. With each hand chosen, carefully thought out gift that we presented to our children Christmas morning, my heart continued to beat out the sorrowful rhythm even in the midst of the JOY. A brown eyed, curly haired, dumpling of a boy was missing, and my heart knew it. My head knew it was foolish, after all he will be here next Christmas and next and next, God-willing. And that sweet, chocolate skinned child had no idea he was missing a family or a Christmas or a celebration of His Savior that had come to rescue Him. And perhaps that was the saddest, hardest part for me - he had no idea. For five months now he has been in the transitional home in Ethiopia. What his first seven months looked like in the orphanage I do not know, and I cannot go there in my mind yet. He has known no family in his twelve months of life - no mommy, no daddy, no sister, no brother. No goodnight prayers and kisses and lullabies. He doesn't know what he has missed, and that makes my heart hurt. It changed the rhythm of my heart this Christmas - in both good and hard ways.

There were bright, bright spots in our Christmas despite the gaping hole in our family. Cadi sang her first solo on Christmas Eve. Her voice was sure and sweet, and she sang about the greatest gift we have been given - Jesus. We encouraged her to do her best and sing to Jesus. It's not a performance we said. And she sang, closing our Christmas Eve service at church, as if what she was giving was truly a gift to her Savior. It is something I will never forget.

We spent Christmas quietly with those we love, and it truly was a special time.



We awoke Christmas morning to the second best thing to having Jamesy home - our very first video of him. The video is less than a minute long, and I have literally watched it hundreds of times. Memorizing every detail, trying to get a better understanding of who he is and of his "special need". This little one needs our prayers, as we have learned he has now been diagnosed with chronic otitis media (ear infection). He has had ear infections for over a month and has been on four rounds of antibiotic. I am just praying for his recovery and protection for his hearing. In the video we also noticed that he has a horrible sounding cough that has caused us some concern. We have heard of several children coming home from Ethiopia recently with pneumonia, and I am fearful of that for him.

I am carrying a lot of fear right now, as the reality of Jamesy's needs become more apparent. I know it is Satan whispering lies to me. I know that God will equip us to care for the needs of this amazing little boy, but my flesh screams out my inadequacies daily as we get closer to our new reality. We leave to meet our son in 19 days! Most likely Jamesy will be in our arms for the first time in 20-21 days. Oh my heart beats faster writing that! I have imagined the scenario a thousand times, but I know nothing will prepare me or compare to the real thing. I wonder what he smells like, what he feels like, sounds like. Is God preparing his heart? Will his heart know that I am his mommy? Will he cry? Will he be scared? Will I cry? Will I be scared? So many emotions... I am fearful of not passing court the first time, as this seems to be the pattern right now with most families. I am preparing to not pass court the first time, and to be unexpectedly elated if we do. I want to. I really, really want to, as it would get Jamesy home faster if we do.

We requested donations for orphanages in Ethiopia for our Christmas gifts. Our family and church family has blessed us greatly, as we are so excited to bring these needed items to the children in Ethiopia who are still waiting for a family to claim them as there own. Here is the first part of our donations. We still have more coming!



I sent Jim to the store on Monday to pick up our prescriptions for our malaria prophylaxis. He left with some Christmas money, and laughed about checking out the prices on the Wii's. He came home with bags loaded down with shoes, formula and clothing for children a world away that he has never met, and my love grew surer and stronger for this man that has been transforming into the likeness of Jesus more and more before my eyes.

I am excited for the new year as all of my children will finally be under one roof, God-willing. I am excited to finish Jamesy's adoption and start our journey of parenting this little sweet heart. I am anxious to see what God has in store for us next. I wonder if we will adopt again (I think we will, but probably not this year!), if we will organize a missions trip for our church, or start a widows/orphan/adoption care ministry in our church, or if God has something else in store. For now I will sit back and place my trust into God's hands as we finalize this portion of our story. I will try not to peer too far ahead but just enjoy the here and now and the moments that God has for our family in the coming days. Our stories are made up of so many moments. I want to be prepared to tuck away and marvel in each one - the hard ones, the joyful ones, the scary ones, and the beautiful ones. I desire for each God-breathed moment of our life - our story - to truly be a moment cherished.

.With Great Expectation.

My heart can empathize with Mary as she was filled with great expectation and anticipation to finally meet and hold her Son. And yet I comprehend not at all the hugeness of her emotions, as she clearly knew she was expecting God wrapped up in wrinkly baby skin and downy hair. Deity masked in the frailest, most helpless form of humanity. What must it have been like to carry deity inside of her body? Yet, that is what we as believers carry now. Is it not? Her bosom full with God, full with great expectation.

Our hearts full with God, full with great expectation.

May this Christmas find me breathless, not at the glimmering, brightly colored packages, but at the rustic, harsh, cold feeding trough that held a tiny, helpless looking, baby boy. May my eyes well with tears at the remembrance of the excrutiating cost my Jesus suffered in relinquishing equality with His heavenly Father in order to rescue me from death. May my heart beat surer and faster as my focus is riveted and caught between the manger bed and the wooden cross, and as they settle on eternity.

And may I never forget that the real bow that ties all of Christmas neatly, but oh so painfully, together is Grace. Grace wrapped up in a baby in Bethlehem, grace wrapped up on a cross on a hill in Jerusalem, grace wrapped up in the empty grave, and grace extended to you, to me, to all who will just believe.

.It Feels Different.

Christmas feels different this year.

We still have a tree and a warmly decorated home, but we didn't pull out all of the Christmas boxes. Christmas seems more meaningful this year somehow, and yet I don't feel the need to stress about things such as decorations, cookies, and gifts. A few decorations are hung, we will bake when the mood strikes, and the gifts....

I never have fun shopping for Christmas. It is just something I have to do. I hate fighting the crowds, I hate feeling as if I am buying for people just because I have to, without really being able to invest much thought into the gift. This year Jim and I challenged ourselves to shop with a purpose, which for us meant only purchasing gifts where the money spent would go towards some kind of social injustice. I thought it would be hard, inconvenient, and just as tedious as always. But I was wrong. I have had the most fun shopping this year! Every gift was researched and every purchase was purposeful and unique. I didn't waste money at a chain store on a gift that meant nothing or on ingredients or craft supplies for homemade goodies that would just be added to a person's pile of gifts. My time isn't being used to rush to finish up my to do list before Christmas. The few times that I have gone into a store this season I am not hurrying to find a gift just so that I can cross another person off of my list, rather I am able to pick up odds and ends here and there to take with us to the orphanages in Ethiopia. That feels a whole lot more meaningful than purchasing yet another toy to add to my children's' already seemingly endless mountain of toys.

I feel as if God has been so busy chiseling away at my life this year. Chipping out huge parts of me that clings to materialism and all of the lies I have swallowed regarding the American Dream. It would seem as if I would feel good over the changes He is orchestrating. However, in actuality the more He chips away at me, the more inadequate I feel, and the more faults and weaknesses are revealed in me. It keeps me at His feet, though, begging Him to do more, to not give up on this wretch.

My five year old is teaching me. On Sunday evening, Jim and I were sitting on the couch in the living room carrying on our own conversation. Unsolicited, Cadi comes to us and announces I have decided that I am okay with not getting any gifts on Christmas morning. I would rather that money be given to children and people who have no money. To say I was shocked was an understatement. She amazes me, and it really has little to do with anything Jim or I have done. It's all Jesus. If only my heart had been so tender at the age of five. God is going to do big things through my girl. I pray she does truly hard things for Jesus, and that God would allow me to release her to do those things wherever He calls her.

Ashamedly, Jim and I decided not to follow her wishes this Christmas. Maybe we should. I wrestle with that. After all what am I teaching her if I do not allow her to sacrifice? I feel so inadequate. She is teaching me. At five years old she understands things that I am just now starting to understand. She sees the world differently than I do. She sees the world through Jesus. She is still five and everything that comes with the immaturity of five, and yet she has these tiny bursts of clarity and maturity beyond her years that can only be from God. On Christmas morning, there will only be a few special gifts under the tree for my children. Not a lot. They will all be precious this year like the handmade super hero capes for my little boys lovingly made by a momma raising funds for her adoption, and a beautiful handmade dress for Cadi created by another adopting momma. There will be no trinkets, few if any toys, but for at least this Christmas, there will still be some gifts. I felt the need to sacrifice for my children this year. That is really my gift to them.

Both of my children have taught me what a true gift children are, and what an eternal blessing it is to welcome them into our home.

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea". ~Matthew 18:2-6

It was through a child that God brought salvation to the world. A child was given as the ultimate sacrifice.

And that sacrifice is truly the ultimate, the most precious gift ever given.

Christmas looks different this year through my newly unveiled eyes. It burns a little bit - the brightness, the clarity, and perhaps the tears as I realize how many Christmases went by where I got it all wrong.

My five year old gets it.

And I am trying to get it as well.

.In a Better Mood.

(For some reason my page is taking forever to load. In order to hear my Christmas music while reading my blog, you have to scroll down to the bottom and allow my music player to load. Harrumph.)

I decided not to blog until I was in a better mood! Here I am. My in-laws surprised us with a beautiful artificial tree as our Christmas gift. My mom-in-law was so very sweet. She told me that she picked a tree that looked the most countryish - complete with little pine cones! I thought that was so nice of her to consider my decorating style and not just purchase any artificial tree. It actually does lend itself very nicely to my prim decor. I think the slenderness of the tree makes it the most prim looking tree I have ever had. So it's official - we have an artificial tree - and I like it! And Scotty's allergies are soooo much better - between getting rid of the live tree after 24 hours and starting him on Zyrtec - well he is just a different boy!! My tripod is still MIA, which is very, very strange. All of my photography "Stuff" is stored in one location, but I cannot find that tripod anywhere. I wonder if I left it at the last shoot. I had to take a photo of our tree to share with you, after all of my complaining about a tree, but it was not taken with a tripod, and is not a great photo. You'll get the idea, though.

Not only was I shaky taking this photo, but I also must have been at a weird angle, because our tree really is straight regardless of how it appears in the photo!



I cannot believe that it is Christmas week already! I failed miserably at not getting stressed this December and truly enjoying the days leading up to the Christmas celebration. But it is not too late to redeem this week, right?! I have much to do, but I {think} I can do it in a calm, stress-free manner. I will not be doing school with Cadi this week, so we will have our mornings open. Today's to-do list looks like this:



It helps organize my thoughts and plans when it is in writing - especially my handwriting, as opposed to typed. I have always done better writing things out. In college, I hand wrote all of my papers before typing them. There is just something about pen and paper that is so precious to me. I would struggle to live without it and without my journals. It's hard for me to think without a pen in my hand, and nearly impossible for me to articulate what I may be thinking unless paper is there to capture the thoughts. A weird idiosyncrasy, I suppose.


What does your day/week look like? How do you organize your moments, or do you just let them come? Are you purposing to remain focused on the reason for our Christmas celebration? How?

Well, I had better get off the computer and get to work. It's time to find my sweet girl and our Christmas aprons. I may be back before Christmas, and I may not. I am not going to stress over it. May you have a blessed Christmas week, remembering the Baby who was born to rescue us!!