There is something that I feel like I should clear up. Something you should know. I am not special. Neither is my family. There are no super heroes here. We are ordinary, simple, foolish, weak people, and we are probably just like many of you. Since sharing our heart's desire and God's calling us to Ethiopia, we have been met with many different reactions -which is to be expected. One prevalent reaction has been something like this, your family is really special to be able to do something so huge like moving to a third world country to be missionaries. And while I appreciate the sentiment, I cringe every time something like this is said about us. Because, honestly, there is absolutely nothing amazing about us - except for Jesus in us. Really that is it, and yes, that is more than enough, but sometimes I get the impression that we are giving off some fake kind of vibe that says we are super spiritual super heroes. And that just could not be farther from the truth.
There's no super hero cape here - just an ordinary, freckle-faced, fearful & tired Mommy.
I am just an ordinary stay at home mom, who desires to raise great kids for the Kingdom, but I fail in this role everyday, and that is just one of the roles that I fall short in. I am shy, insecure, selfish, undisciplined, weak, tired, and oh, so ordinary. I have big passions and big dreams, and I want to make a difference, but underneath it all I have equally big fears. I am not at all qualified to be a missionary in Ethiopia, but that doesn't change the call. God's like that. He picks out the weakest links, and uses them in His Kingdom - His Kingdom that is completely upside down and full of ordinary people. God says that He is perfected in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Well, He has a lot of opportunity to showcase His perfection in me then, because my weaknesses are great and many! This call on our lives is beyond our ability, and that is precisely what makes it so God-ordained. The dream is way too big for us, and as I tremble in fear in my flesh, I am reminded of Moses. Moses was a shy guy, scared, and horrified of public speaking (I can relate) and probably that was compounded with a stutter or a lisp. I am guessing he was an introvert. He certainly was not qualified to lead thousands of people out of slavery in Egypt, and as I pour over his life and his weaknesses, I am certain that is exactly why God chose him. He was not special, not a super hero - just an ordinary, fearful man.
I struggle with inadequacy. I fear my life being meaningless. I'm scared of so many things. I worry too much. I pray too little. I make mistakes. I am flawed, imperfect, and damaged. I have bags under my eyes and too many pounds on my thighs. I have dishes in my sink and unmade beds. I yell at my kids, and I argue with my husband. I am selfish, materialistic, and vain. I care too much about the opinions of people, and I think too much about brands of mascara. I am insecure and broken. And although I am all of this and so much more, I am enough for this call on my life. I am exactly the broken, mess that God is looking for and that Jesus is perfected in. Because there will be no question that anything good that comes of my life is all Him.
The truth is, we all have a too-big call on our life. The call looks different for us all, and is tailor fit to maximize, not our strengths, but our weaknesses. There are no degrees required, no super human powers, no titles, no social standing or notoriety, the only thing we need to bring is our Amen - our yes. All He needs is our willingness and obedience to be used in our brokenness and weaknesses and obey the call, regardless of our qualifications. God specializes in taking ordinary people and showcasing His power through them.
And that is good news for me, because that is all I have to give.
For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. I Corinthians 1:25-29