I think this may have been his first bottle feeding (and he threw up all over me shortly after this was taken. A fear mechanism that we still battle.) Jamesy grew increasingly scared as the day progressed, and he realized he was all alone with these crazy white people who smelled and felt nothing like he was used to. In this photo it is obvious how terrified he was. His body was stiff (during our first trip, Jamesy's body was stiff the entire time we were with him. At the time I was convinced he had some pretty significant delays or health issues, but I now know that stiffness is a fear mechanism - poor baby.) Even more than his body language and the terror evident in his eyes, is how tiny he was. Jamesy was 15 months old, and those jammies were 3-6 months. I didn't realize how small he was until I look back and compare the photo to him today - almost eight months later (today he is only a few inches shorter than his three year old big brother, and they wear close to the same size clothing).
November is National Adoption Month. Of course it is significant to our family. I hesitate to share anything about it, though. Adoption truly is not for everyone. Every believer just is not equipped or capable to adopt a child into their family, but for those of you who are equipped, who do have a heart for adoption but are on the fence, if you feel the Spirit pressing in about adoption - do it. It is 100 times worth it. I get cold chills thinking about how the Spirit was convicting us for weeks/months, and how we kept putting Him off. What if we had run the other direction and said "no"? So thankful God is sovereign and convicted us to say "yes". I cannot imagine our family without any of my three children.
While there continues to be hard days and weeks, and things that we do not talk about outside of our safe home, and we battle fear and other scars left behind from his orphan status; we count it all joy. We would not choose to miss any of this for the world, and healing has happened. I believe that is apparent by the photos alone. It is nothing we have done, all the glory has and always will remain for God alone - the author and finisher of our lives, the author and finisher of adoption.
PS Thank you for the kindness and grace you showed me on yesterday's post. I have the dearest, sweetest readers, and I thank God for you. You encouraged my heart. Last week was one of those weeks where I was convinced that I was done blogging. I was ready to throw in the towel, my skin is too thin. I wanted to hide away and never come out. I had exposed too much and lost too much in the process. But then God uses people like you to help me press on a little bit longer, and to remind me that I do not blog because of me. I blog to show that God can use someone as ordinary as me, and if that is true than He most definitely can use you. This is not about me. I hope you come here and see Jesus in me, and that I fade. More Jesus, less me. Thank you for hanging with me.