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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

.The Wait.

We are at a point in our journey where there is nothing for us to do but wait. Everything is out of our hands, there is not one bit of paper work left here waiting for me to fill out. It's weird after five months of living in a frenzied state of collecting documents, filling out paper work, meeting with our social worker, tracking down this, notarizing that, to have it be all done. Our evenings are no longer filled with a BIG binder of checklists that we have to repeatedly go over. We actually have evenings back! Our journey is so different than even other families who are adopting, because we never had to endure the wait of a referral. Instead we have skipped right to waiting for a court date. I learned earlier this week that the dates have been filled for October already. I am praying that we will get a court date in November, but honestly I really do not know when it will happen. I am praying for strength to trust God in this.

This waiting period is a growing experience for me. I am having to completely place the care of my child in God's hands. There is absolutely nothing that I can physically do to protect Jamesy, to comfort him, or to care for him. It is a weird place to be. It is hard. Some moments I am overcome with sadness and fear for Jamesy, and then other moments I have this incredible peace that only God can give - knowing that Jamesy is in the palm of God's hand - more safe and more secure than he could ever be in my care. I think this wait is vital for our journey. I am guessing that God has much to teach me, and it makes realize even more how long God waited for me to open my eyes to the whole gospel, to all of His mandates.

Even Scotty is waiting. Everyday he gets a hold of Jamesy's photo and kisses it and says "Oh, Jamey, Oh Jamey. Cuuuuute." It just melts this Mommy heart. I pray that these brothers will be the best of friends. They will be pretty close in age, and I am excited about that! Now Cadi is begging us to adopt a girl her age....maybe next!

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(Please note that since taking this photo a week ago, I have trimmed Scotty's hair out of his eyes! Ha!)

Cadi prays for Jamesy everyday, and as I said last week has even been dreaming about him. Although a few nights back she had a nightmare that just broke my heart. She ran into our room crying in the middle of the night saying she had dreamed that a witch was killing all of the brown babies and was trying to get Jamesy. We have been reading the American Girl series, and are now on the books about Addy a little girl whose family endured slavery until escaping to freedom. The books have been eye opening for even me. Cadi asks such thoughtful questions about why people would ever treat other people so cruelly. It has provoked some amazing conversation, and I am guessing these nightmares stem from those books. Cadi is sensitive and compassionate, and she gets this adoption in a way far beyond her years. She is learning to love people like Jesus, and it is beautiful. At the same time, it is a balance knowing how much and what to share. We have been very open with her about a lot of things, and I pray that God would guide us through this uncharted territory with her and eventually with Scotty and Jamesy.

I love adoption. I love what it is doing to me, who it is making me. I love the new understanding that I have of my adoption into God's family. I love how adoption is changing our whole family. Within the past week I noticed as I was looking through photos of other multi-cultural families that those families now look normal to me! Hallejuah praise God - I cannot wait for my family to look that way - a tiny slice of heaven! I love this journey, and someday I know I will be able to say that I loved even this - the wait.

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6 comments:

Lara said...

I am sure that wait becomes painful once you have seen the face of your child. We are finishing the paperwork frenzy, so I keep telling myself I will sit back and enjoy the wait (for a little while at least!)

Heather said...

That is so cute about Scotty kissing Jamesy's picture. :)
This is so wonderful for you family and I'm so happy for you all!!
I'll be praying for Jamesy's safety and mommy and daddy's peace of mind. :)

Grace Wheeler said...

You've been on my heart!

Psalm 24:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 130:5 "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in his word I put my hope."

Psalm 37:34 "Wait for the Lord and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land."

I'm continuing to pray! Hope this encourages you today!

Dustin & Megan said...

what a beautiful post.

BARBIE said...

May God continue to teach you through the waiting. This was a wonderful post. I love to read what God is doing in families who are adopting.

Carrie said...

Wow, I love that your kids are so involved in the waiting with you. I love your sharing about Cadi, and I'm so glad that your adoption is coming along so quickly (comparatively speaking, of course, I'm sure it doesn't feel quick)! :) Congratulations! :)

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