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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Publish or delete, publish or delete?

Not enough time in the day.

Not enough energy in me.

Publish or delete, publish or delete?

My inadequacies keep surfacing.

My patience is wearing thin.

My children have been the brunt of it.

My husband too.

Publish or delete, publish or delete?

Where does my help come from?

I am spent.

Emotionally.

Physically.

Spiritually.

I am cried out.

Somehow in the last two weeks I have grabbed the reigns back.

I need to let go again.

I need to trust.

It's not about me.

It's not about my family.

It's not even about our sweet baby, Jamesy.

(Although I want him home so badly that I can taste it.)

It's all about God and His glory. It always has been.

It always will be.

I am just a character in His great story.

Publish or delete, publish or delete.

Sometimes I wish I could just get a glimpse of the next chapter.

But then I may become paralyzed with fear.

He gives grace for today.

For this moment.

I need it now.

While I sit here in the wait.

Waiting for the moment our family is complete.

Waiting for the money to make that happen.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

But how long has He been waiting for me?

For me to open my eyes?

For me to draw my strength and courage from the very depth of Him?

For my heart to break for even a fraction of what His heart breaks for every day?

My heart is broken.

I am waiting.

And I am worshiping the One who has brought me here.
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4 comments:

Laura @ Just For Love said...

Publish!!

Hang in there, babe. You're SO close! God is still right beside you...and he's PROUD of you : )

We love you.
Laura

Annie said...

I'm praying for you, Tiffany! this is a crazy journey you are on - but it is also crazy inspirational. Jesus is working through you, even as He writes your story. He is faithful. that's often the truth I cling to. may you cling to it also.

Hayley said...

Your post reminded me of a song that I heard in the movie "Fireproof"...."While I'm Waiting." If you haven't heard it, go google it....it's a perfect song and reminder for anyone who is waiting on the Lord. For I am in a waiting circumstance as well. Trust in God....his timing is perfect! Glad I came accross and started following your blog....very inspiring.

Life with Kaishon said...

My friend Joy told me about your adoption today and I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for your family. I love this post. Very creative. So glad that when we feel like we can't go on, we can lean on Him! So very glad!

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