I decided to free write today. If you are not familiar with free writing it is an exercise in which one writes whatever comes to mind for a predetermined amount of time and doesn't go back and read it or correct the grammar while writing. I used to love doing this in my journal. It emptied my head, as I basically spewed it all onto paper. Graphic, yes, but true. I have not done this in awhile, and I have certainly never done this on my blog. I was inspired by MckMama who has been writing several posts titled "stream of consciousness" lately. Basically they are free writing posts. I wanted to give it a try, so bare with me. Here I go. Time (5 minutes) starts now.
The rain kind of follows my mood today. Bleak. dreary. I am in a mood. Grumpy. I told Jim I needed a break today, and he gave me one. He taught school to Cadi. I felt guilty. Jim, unintentionally, made me feel guilty. He asked me "Isn't this life you always wanted?" Yes, it is, but Mommy still needs a break. I don't ask for them often. I drank my coffee, read my Bible, and wrote. Then I cleaned. I feel better - sort of.
I still don't have window treatments on my kitchen windows. Why? The fabric is right here in the kitchen - sitting on my dryer. I cannot get motivated to sew them. I think it is because I think I do not have enough fabric. That stinks. It will really stink if I start sewing them and run out of fabric.
My Christmas decor is still up. Oh my word. This is the longest I have kept it up. My mom's is still up too. She has a real tree even. I can remember the tree being up at Valentine's day when I was a girl. Mom denies that, though.
I don't want to run today. I ate way too many homemade wheat thins for lunch. I am in the middle of my period and feeling it - bleck. Jim kept dreaming I was pregnant this past week. I'm not. No, we were not trying. I am trying to get down to 110-115 pounds before trying for another. Is that selfish? Is that self-absorbed? I probably won't get there anyway. Not if I keep eating homemade crackers anyway! Ha!
We take Cadi to the eye doctor's this afternoon. I have noticed her holding her books really close to her face when reading. And she puts her head close to her papers when coloring and writing. I really hope she does not need glasses. If she does I hope we can get her a really cute, trendy pair. Wow, I am sounding shallow today.
This week is Jim's last paycheck for camp. We will go the entire month of February with no pay. I am scared and excited. I wonder how God will provide? I know He will.
Mmm, I really wish I could have just one piece of coffee cake, but then I would have to run an extra mile. It's good coffee cake, but not that good!
Times up. That went by really fast. I could have written for another five or ten minutes! You should give it a try. Write a post with no intended purpose. If you do, leave me a comment letting me know that you did. I would love to read it!
Have a blessed day!
Monday, January 25, 2010
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13 comments:
enjoyed the read... I havent' done this either and I'm half afraid of what would come out. ooh, challenging. Girl, HOLD FAST! God WILL provide! He is our Jehovah Jireh - just this morning I was reminded from Ps.25 that the righteous will never "Beg for bread" (very loose translation, if you will)
What a wonderful post!! I am so going to try this!! I'll let ya know how it turns out!! Really though-- no spell check? Not sure if I can go that far -- even though the backspace button and I are bff's!!
Love the journaling...and the honesty.
prayers and blessings...
what a great idea! I just might have to copy you ;) I agree with the sometimes mommies need a break. the husband often asks the same question.
Thanks for the great read!
Drea
I enjoyed reading this! I might try this someday, it would probably help clear my thoughts!
I know what you mean about wanting a break and then feeling a little guilty. My husband has said that too before, "this is what you wanted." :)
Hey, 110-115 is my weight goal, too! When I stopped growing as a teenager my doctor said my ideal weight for my height was 110-115, so I have that in my head for where I want to be fitness wise. :)
I love this real post. I always feel like I have to have something important to say if I am going to blog...but just day to day thoughts ARE important!!
I wanted to say I am praying for you and the sleeplessness. When that happens to me....ahem which is more often than I'd like.....instead of laying there very frustrated and angry (I did that for years literally) I now get up and read my Bible and pray. It's crazy how many times God has shown me something amazing when there is nothing to do but focus on Him!
And even if it IS the life we want, wow do we need a break now and then! This is the hardest life with little ones, putting them first constantly and homeschooling. It's HARDER than any job I've ever had, so breaks ARE really what is needed every once in a while!
huh! It is a small world! I'm sorry I don't remember you. I was only there 2 years and half of the second was spent away while student teaching. Looking forward to getting to know you better this way though! :)
So I did it :)
I will have to try that sometime. Here from Traveling Down the Tracks with D and H. Love, love, love your pictures...and your husband is very handsome (if you don't mind my saying so).
What a fun way to blog- I'll have to start blogging this way, too! I understand about the losing weight before pregnancy thing, and I don't think it's self-absorbed- it's good for the baby, too - I need to lose a lot of weight before I get pregnant again, too. (not that that will be ANYTIME soon, at least according to our plan). I forgot to say that I'm glad all is working out with your home church - and I'm praying for you guys! :)
Also, I totally am with you on the break thing - and that comment about 'isn't this the life you've always dreamed of?', that would be something I could see Joel saying, and I would feel SO guilty. I even ask myself that sometimes on crazy days! So I completely understand the sentiment.
Tiffany,
I've never met you. I don't even remember how I found your blog. You have been such an inspiration to me. I have two boys. 2 3/4 and 6 months in age. I want to homeschool, and I desire to be a good mommie. I love reading your blog for all of the honesty and the tips it gives. I think I'm going to try your writing idea, but don't know if I can keep it to just 5 minutes. I'll try...
Done. Went over my time limit, but that feels good. I'm definitely not done, but it's 3:30AM and I need to go to bed, if not for me then for the benefit of my children.
I gave it a shot -- Big Fail though -- who knew it was so hard to just let it all go and type...I am going to give it another try next Thursday -- maybe even make it a weekly feature. Thanks so much for the wonderful writing exercise.
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